Pam's Wedding Was Classy

This one is falling off quicker than Beyonce on a staircase. Details of Pamela Anderson's quickie marriage to the guy she banged to pay off a gambling debt have emerged. This wedding was an elegant affair down to the lack of rings, and Pam having to get married quick because her next shift at the magic show was starting.

The bride wore a white denim miniskirt and calls the groom "scum," and the wedding cake was made of cardboard.

Salomon (who wore a dark suit and a black beanie to the ceremony) is infamous as the co-star of the Paris Hilton sex tape. His reputation is so seedy that Anderson announced their union on her blog: "The Adventures of Scum and Pam Have Begun."

Former Daily News gossip Marc Malkin reported for E! that wedding planners had to bring in a fake wedding cake because they were given only one-day's notice. The 40 guests enjoyed pigs in a blanket, macaroni and cheese, and tuna and lobster tacos.

Charming. Who would expect less from a woman with a barbed wire tattoo and a vagina that the whole of mankind is familiar with? I can recall being a little girl and dreaming about my wedding day. A day wherein I would wear a cut-off denim miniskirt and link all my hopes and dreams with the guy whose penis was inside Paris Hilton. Someone release the doves, quick! Pam Anderson stole my destiny!