What is happening in people's offices? A couple of weeks back, some biddy's Power Bars were causing a stink. Literally. Now a beloved reader wants to know what to do with a co-worker who thinks she's at the titty bar. On stage. And taking fives. We need to do better as a country. Keep reading...
Dear J. Harvey,
What's the best way to tell a co-worker that she's showing too much cleavage in the workplace? Other co-workers in our department feel uncomfortable around her because her tops show "everything but her nipples" (not my words!). In her defense, it is uncomfortably hot sometimes on our floor, but that's why we all have fans and water. Something subtle, preferably anonymous, would help get the point across to her so she won't put the twins on display at work anymore. Any ideas?
-K.
Hey K.,
In my travels, I have come across this type of lady. I refer to her as "Tits O'Shea." Tits O'Shea, whether consciously or subconsciously, has a deep-seated need to show off the titters. She's your friend who, whenever you go out, has her shirt cut down to her navel and her luscious boobers about to pop right out. If she's not too homely or obnoxious, it pretty much assures her a request for some digits and a free drink or two before the evenings over. As long as she hasn't already passed out in a stall in the ladies room or had a train run on her in the alley out back. Tits O'Sheas like to party.
BUT, Tits O'Sheas need to reel it the f*ck in when they're in the office. This is a place of business. And there's no need to be inviting HR nightmares. You know those women who are always phoning HR with one imagined problem or another? Combine THAT woman with a Tits O'Shea personality model and it's a disaster! Airport 77' size disaster! Psychos getting people fired!
Anyway, if your office Tits O'Shea is a normal sort despite her topless attitude, there are a few things you can do.
1) Every time she wears one of those tops that cause men to be unable to meet her in the eye, ask her if she's a little chilly. Like this:
"Tina, aren't you cold?
"No, why?"
"That shirt just looks really lightweight, that's all. "
Ask that EVERY SINGLE TIME she wears a magical boob shirt. She's eventually going to get the hint.
2) Wait until an office party, get a little bit (but not a lot) tipsy and start a conversation about her rack.
"Tina, girl, I WISH I had your chest. You know, you're in the office, and you walk by and I'm 'Gawd, Tina's breasts are just OUT THERE, ya know? (take a sip of your cocktail) I'm like Jesus, I wish I was as daring as her..."
Let that one hang there.
3) Go to your local discount store. Wait until a cheap cardigan is on sale in her size (account for the headlights). Buy it. One day, when NO ONE is looking, put it over the back of her chair. Leave it there. She's going to ask who's it is. Don't answer. Pray that she's like "hey, free sweater!" and starts wearing it.
4) Make sure the next person leaving or who gets fired tells her to knock off the pasties show before they exit. That one's surefire.
I wish you well. It's an iffy issue. Keep in mind that the day a nipple pops out is the day you can go to your boss. It's not that you're repressed; it's just that you don't need to see someone else's aureole.
Please continue sending me e-mails about co-worker's breasts and the people who love them to harvey.advice@gmail.com! I LOVE YOUR LETTERS!
Note to our readers, J. Harvey is in no way a counselor, advisor, professional, priest, or in any way qualified to be giving out advice. Please take it with a grain of salt and a sense of humor. In other words, don't sue.
G says:
Where does K work? I want to apply.
DrunKen LauRen says:
J, my man, I LOVE your now pic... and I also love the old typewriter....
I need to go see you and help you out w/all the wine/liquor bottles....
Finickycritic says:
or you could say "Hey, Titty McMammaries, put the puppies back in the doghouse. You're a whore. nobody wants to see them at work"
green cardigan says:
Tit's O Shea...what a great name. She doesn't sound like the most retiring type. So maybe you could try the direct approach with her. Forget hints; She doesn't do subtlety as you well know.
Just corner her one day at the water cooler and ask her in a really weary voice to for God's sake put the jugs away.
What's she going to do ? Take the girls into HR and complain ?
peachpie says:
yep, like the new pic too. i did like the other one too -- in front of the laundry room or where ever that was. (wish MY office had a laundry room ... god i could save a boatload of time if i could do laundry whilst at work!)
neway, i work in an office with this same problem. and it sucks. out loud. it's awkward for everyone but CleavGirl. she's totally clueless, and very young (22 or so i'd guess) and i used to think she didn't know better. but she's been told by upper mgmt to cool it, so now i KNOW she knows. but, alas, we all still have to avert our eyes from her downtothenavel cleavage and uptothecooch short skirts and downtothecoinslot lowrider pants. it's just too much! ugh. and, she is not hot. in any style of clothes. in any way. in any culture. in any timezone. in any era. period. double ugh.
the boss is nonconfrontational, so CleavGirl cleaves on.....
krystyn says:
ahhhh, so many good lines in this one J! Tits O'Shea. Magical boob shirt. Luscious Boobers.
I live for these.
Zekers says:
Or everyone don the Wonderbra (stuff 'em if you have to) and the thin low-cut shirt (wear a sweater or something to cover). When "Tits" comes into work, everyone stand and whip off their sweaters in unison, while looking straight at her...a little mean, but sometimes one has to be when one is dealing with brain atrophy. ;D
Tits Magee says:
From a DD's perspective...I work in a professional office setting and I've found it hard to find shirts that are cute, comfortable and properly cover the twins. They might not be a shirt I would wear to the bar, but I don't want to generate the same looks that I get at a bar that I do while I'm at work. So Miss O'Shea, don't even try to give that B.S. excuse that you can't find anything. Suck it up, and save the cleave for after 5 p.m.
T-Bone says:
Boundary and self esteem issues. Some women feel the only way they can get attention is to flash
T & A, even at work. Personally speaking, the LAST people I want seeing my body parts are bosses and coworkers, but hey -- some people don't care who sees. They just want to be admired. What they don't realize is they're very rarely admired -- or respected, for that matter. My advice - realize there's a place and time for sexy, and that there's a GIGANTIC difference between being sexy and trashy.
Jeanie says:
Another good one, J! From experience, I know nothing will stop Tits from dressing like that but a manager having a serious conversation with her about the company's dress code. Sounds to me like the managers there must be all men since men want to confront a woman about attire as much as they want to talk about menstral cycles. Not to mention men are afraid that that kind of conversation would be equal to sexual harassment. Female managers don't put up with that sh#$. I've worked at two different companies where people were sent home to change for failing to dress appropriately and both times the ladies laid down the law!
Applespice says:
Well put T-Bone. You took the words right out of my mouth.
OMG- I so about spilt my coffee when I read number 2!! J. Harvey- I wish you worked at my place. I think you'd make the annual Christmas party a hoot.
But seriously K- You might want to talk to HR. They're trained to handle clothing issues. Is their something in your company handbook regarding dress code?
Bleecker says:
"Tits O'Shea, whether consciously or subconsciously, has a deep-seated need to show off the titters" had me giggling in my office. And I love that all your advice has someone leaving an anonymous hinty gift on someone else's desk. That's just plain weird. In addition to appreciating your twistedness, as a woman with gigantic DD breasts, I appreciate the fact that you didn't use the typical jock terms for breasts that make my skin crawl (funbags and mammaries, for example). Boobers is so much better. Great job, J.
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