Whack-a-doo gossip diva Janet Charlton has outed Tom Cruise - as a girdle wearer. Heh.
Tom was wearing a GIRDLE under his tuxedo at his wedding! In case you haven't noticed, Tom packed on around twenty pounds in the past few months before the big event. He says he's a "nervous eater." And he's had a lot to be nervous about - his exit from Paramount and his high octane marriage. When Tom arrived in Rome, we hear that Giorgio Armani was apoplectic because the wedding tux was too small. Armani personally tended to all the fittings while Tom's pants were let out and various details were adjusted. Tom wanted to look svelte so he didn't protest when Giorgio suggested girdling Tom's midsection so the jacket would fall properly. The corset was sewn into Tom's undergarment. Everyone was sworn to secrecy, but those Armani employees love to gossip, and are we grateful for THAT!Those Armani employees better get their asses to the nearest safehouse. Because Tom commands an army of alien-worshippers. And they will find you, and end you. He has all the powers and resources of the Venusians, Martians, the Galactic Federation and Yong-Slu-Gothoth of the 15th Parallel Wormhole at his disposal.
According to recent reports, Janet Charlton hasn't been seen since filing this story. All they found of her was a really ugly sweater from Chico's and some bad acrylic nails adorning a pile of ashes. Cruise probably keeps his sonic death phaser in his top dresser drawer beside the girdle and back issues of Blueboy.
Tom Wore a Girdle [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
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ChristopherM
As soon as I read that header, I knew this was a J. Harvey story. And bless you for it, darlin'!
Draya
whaddiya think, J.H.? Is this confimation Cruiser is deep in yonder closet, and Kit-Kat's his willing beard?
Love your articles, too!
Draya
whaddiya think, J.H.? Is this confimation Cruiser is deep in yonder closet, and Kit-Kat's his willing beard?
Love your articles, too!