The Fashion Disasters From the SAG Awards

Ashton Kutcher

J. Harvey: Shave, asshole. It's an awards ceremony. Or at least trim the grass. Jesus.

Lisa Timmons: Ashton is preparing for Abraham Lincoln's biopic, entitled, "Dude, Where's My Razor?"

Cara Harrington: Ashton Kutcher looked like he forgot his old trucker hat to hide that mess of hair. The shaggy look never works for the red carpet, gentleman. At least have the gumption to drag a comb through your hair. While the SAG Awards are a more relaxed atmosphere, you would think Demi would have him be a haggard caveman by day and clean up by night or at least at a black tie event. He may be trying to grow or beard which, under the right terms is acceptable, but it looks as though he didn't make an effort in dressing himself.

Mary Louise Parker

JH: She has that terrified look you get when you know your outfit is ridiculous but your stylist was a pushy bitch and you just gave in. No one should let themselves leave the house looking like the wrapping chocolates come in.

LT: Mary Louise Parker, ever the consummate professional, is determined to keep a brave face during her red carpet appearance in an outfit she was challenged to design using only some napkins and old white belts in her own personal version of "Project Runway."

CH: Mary Louise Parker looked like a tapeworm. Nude colors are hard to pull off and skin tone is vital in choosing colors to wear. The dress gave a muffin-top feel to her form and washed her out. The shoes weren't helping as the dress was very feminine and the peep toe strappy heels just didn't work with the dress.

Jeremy Irons

JH:
Why does he keep dressing like an elderly Asian woman?

LT: In an homage to Johnny Cash, Jeremy Irons can't resist a splash of color to reveal that despite his deathly pallor, he's still got a playful side and an indomitable spirit. We all wish him luck in his battle against whatever life-threatening disease he clearly has. (If I find out he's actually sick, this is going to be very awkward next time he and I are hanging out.)

CH: Jeremy Irons...we get it. You are artist chic. You are echoing the theater and honing your apparent love for Shakespeare and shiny cowboy boots. Message received. I am all for making a statement and expressing yourself but there are moments when your image takes over and turns into a gimmick. Next time try incorporating elements of your odd style into something flattering.

Ellen Pompeo

JH: This outfit was hot back when Lynda Carter wore it on Wonder Woman pre-magic spin transformation. Remember back when she fought spies and her boss was a computer named IRA and she always wore her hair back in a ponytail? God, that was a hot show after they jumped forward in time from fighting Nazis to fighting evil disco dancers. What?

LT: Ellen Pompeo, honey, I hate to tell you this, but your dress is trying to eat you. And it's starving.

CH: Ellen Pompeo what are you thinking? The slick backed hair, the Aborigine looking earrings and the sack-look didn't win any of my affections. Skinny and bright eyed doesn't literally mean you could wear a potato sack and look gorgeous. Everything about her was so unflattering. Not to mention disappointing.

Nancy O'Dell

JH: I know she looks pretty good, but as you get older your hemline should go DOWN not up.

LT: Barring the fact that Nancy O'Dell is pregnant and her dress is short enough for me to conceivably determine the sex of her child, I am thankful for that sheer extra inch and a half of material that is successfully pixellating the neighborhood of her lady-bits.

CH: Nancy O'Dell is pregnant and proud of it. I am guessing the hormones to over with the loud number she adorned happily stroking her baby bump. The super short length is almost cut to her hip and reveals a little too much for a mother-to-be. The overall busy appliqué appearance screams for attention and makes her look as though she was tangled in some kind of gold couture fishnet.