One of the shows that I really got into recently was Top Design on Bravo and I was sad that it finished on Wednesday because I was so into seeing the cool rooms that the contestants put together. It wasn't the most exciting show, but I just loved seeing the creativity and how the designers truly made something out of nothing. The replacement show for Top Design follows an almost identical judging/hosting format but with stranger contestants and lots of hair. The show is Shear Genius, but the first episode was more like Shear Weirdness.
I've always sort felt like I had an hairdresser lurking inside me. I would always jump at the chance to cut friends hair, but they would always back out at the last minute leaving me standing heartbroken in the bathroom with a pair of paper cutting scissors in my hand, forcing me to resort to just cutting my own bangs. The last time I was allowed to cut my sister's bangs was when she was in middle school and I cut them right before she had a choral concert and left them about an inch long and her sobbing uncontrollably. I think I put a barrette in her hair and convinced her no one would notice even though she looked like a little Julius Caesar. Luckily we are fast hair growers in my family so she only had to go to school looking like a Roman emperor for a month.
More of Sarah's observations about "Shear Genuis" are after the jump.
We all know the stereotype of the super gay hairdresser who loves to gossip as he cuts hair, (I had one myself in high school named (Gay) Ray with a wonderfully frosted shag and who wore a leather jacket with pink flames on the sleeves and "Pattie Labelle" in cursive writing on the back) and they definitely found a few of those for Shear Genius, complete with sassy attitudes. They also seemed to have found a genuine witch named Tabitha who has the most annoying accent I have ever heard, and a Frenchman from the 1800's complete with a colorful silk cravat. And let's not forget Dr. Boogie, the self proclaimed NOT gay African American man who dresses like a hip hop star who fell through a rainbow and sounds like Carson Kressley.
But contestants are chosen for their ability to stick out and be memorable for reasons good and bad, I look to the judges for sanity and normalcy, and of course to trust that their opinion is the RIGHT opinion because they are at the top of their profession not to mention on the tee vee! I had a little trouble putting my trust in these judges though. The host is Jaclyn Smith who must wash her face in formaldehyde every night because it's pretty much frozen in time, and kind of wanders around the studio like she doesn't really know what she's doing there because we all know that Farrah had the better hair. Accompanying her on her rounds is Sally Hershberger who could only look more like a dyke if she rode a motorcycle into judging instead of walking. Her biggest claim to fame is being the person behind the Meg Ryan shag do, the one where Meg always looked like she had just been scared by an intruder at 3am. Then there is Rene Fris who seems to pop up at odd times and say things that are completely unintelligible. He is some sort of hairdresser to the stars and happens to look like an Italian Stallion although apparently he is from Denmark. Not much rhymes with Denmark. The only judge who does not wander around the studio at various times is Michael Carl, the fashion director of Allure and the only partially sane seeming one of the bunch.
I'm probably making the show out to be worse than it is, it's actually ok and I will watch more episodes, it's just that the people were a little jarring after being spoken to so lovingly by Todd Oldham on Top Design. I really thought he wanted to be my friend. I just wonder how much they can actually do with hair, they were already shoving all kinds of crazy stuff in it on the first episode, I mean, the winner had a freaking treasure chest on her head, I still don't understand why that won. People like shiny things I guess. I mean, I get it, hair styling can be an art form, but let's be honest, hair is just hair and at the end of the day, when you go and get your hair cut, your hair on the floor looks like it was left there by a dog with a bad case of the mange just like everyone else's. Mine's a Golden Retriever, what's yours?
katie says:
Very funny and great writing, Sarah. I really enjoyed the read.
Thanks!
Cat2000 says:
That is hilarious! The poor thing.
kate says:
poor thing indeed! i just remember sarah's face & me beging to know what happened all the while sarah giggling & laughing! and i believe the hair stood straight up & did not lie flat like ceasar's :\ !
JayThree says:
Funny commentary!
I liked the show (just based on it's similarity to Project Runway)... however, I was a bit disturbed by Mr. Boogie's "I'm not gay or anything, but...." comment.
In retrospect (and after seeing snippets of it re-ran about 4 million times this week) -- I think he was being facetious. Because he immediately launched into how he thought Rene Fris was simply "GORGE0US". He then made several on-camera attempts to flirt with Rene throughout the remainder of the program.