Jessica Alba gave an interview to Parade in which she tells us the usual bullshit - I'm not pretty and the photogs suck and yadda yadda yadda whinecakes. Quit it.

On the paparazzi: "I could give two sh-ts about them. They're so lame, I can't even believe that's a real job. I can't imagine they even pay taxes."

On being a sex symbol:
"I don't really pay attention to all that. It's only when people start to treat me like one that it really freaks me out. Most days I wake up and look in the mirror and go, 'ugh.' I don't really think I look all that great."

Is what you do a job? You have to read words off a page and stand around relying on having won the genetic lottery. At least they're running around killing royalty with what they do! And enough with this "ugh" shit. There are girls out there having been born with their heads stuck to their sister's and you're giving us "ugh"? I doubt the kid from "Mask" would appreciate your self-deprecation. Wench.

(WENN)

(WENN)

Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon! Sometimes you've been writing so much about Lindsay Lohan that you will take the first non-Lohan story that comes up! Even if it's about a disgraced Miss America and her paranoia about a potential dog-napping cult. The "Ugly Betty" diva's dog recently disappeared and Vanessa suspects a conspiracy. A conspiracy of dog thieves!

The pooch-loving former Miss America discovered her dog's disappearance on Memorial Day after returning from running errands to find that the one-year-old black and tan Yorkshire terrier had gone missing from her fenced-in yard.

Williams quickly filed a missing-dog report--yes, such things do exist--with the Mount Pleasant police and began floating her dognapping theory, which is possibly supported by the disappearance last month of another local well-bred pup.

Buffeting her theory, the 44-year-old also told police that she spotted a suspicious looking man driving around her property earlier in the day.

Dude, I was looking for a Dunkie's. Paranoid bitch. The local chief of police thinks Vanessa's looney-tunes and says that it was probably coyotes that carried off her dog. Oh, that's better. Hysterically laughing scavengers running through yards with sharp teeth and carrying off any living thing that they can overpower. I'd rather the satanic dognappers.

"American Idol" cutie, Jordin Sparks, says that it took a long time for her to reach acceptance of her body shape, and that winning the nationwide talent search that has made her famous didn't hurt.

"I think it really helped boost her self-esteem and made her realize she's beautiful as she is," her grandmother, Pam Weidmann, tells PEOPLE for its new issue. Jordin's mom, Jodi, says of her daughter's May 23 victory: "It was huge to see her confidence level grow. ... She's standing taller now."

A statuesque 5'10" and a size 12, girlfriend sounds to me like to be a healthy size. But then again, maybe I'm saying that cause our stats are pretty damn close to each other. But then again, she's also really pretty and that's never bad for the ol' self-esteem.

(WENN)

More photos of Jordin Sparks from her appearance on "Today" after the jump.

• New photo stills from the upcoming Batman flick "The Dark Knight" leaked online. They appear to be of Heath Ledger sporting a clown mask. [Popoholic]
• Photographers caught Amy Winehouse sporting some massive hickeys on her neck this week. Luckily, they distract from her gigantic weave and missing teeth. [CW]
• John Krasinski from "The Office" put on his sexy face for a spread in Mean Magazine. [WLC]
• Beyonce got painfully close to showing us her package while performing in France this week. [Glunp]
• Kevin Federline has a new BFF; KFed partied with Wilmer Valderrama in Las Vegas last weekend, and reportedly sealed a "late-night party pact" to collaborate on a rap album together. [CS]
• Sheryl Crow took newly-adopted son Wyatt out for a brisk walk in LA's Runyon Canyon, and it looked kinda uncomfortable for both parties involved. [DS]
• Ozzy Osbourne is not a Sanjaya fan; the legendary rocker allegedly labeled the American Idol loser as "a hairstyle-challenged idiot." [Idolator]

Earlier today, we reported on that CRAZ-ZAY conference call Paula Abdul had with her "American Idol" people, in which she put former PR guy Howard Bragman on blast for not accompanying her to a taping of the Jimmy Kimmel show. Bragman is speaking up, and setting the record straight. Paula sounds like the kind of person who would forget that she put the cat in the microwave.

We've learned that Bragman was on the way to the Kimmel studio when Paula's assistant called and told him that she didn't WANT him to come to the taping. Bragman said OK, and followed instructions. 45 minutes to an hour later, Paula's assistant called Howard, asking where he was! Howard essentially told the assistant -- uh, hello? You just called me and said she didn't want me there. The assistant responded "Well, you know how Paula is." Howard said, "Yes I do, and I'm not a yo-yo and I'm not a puppet."

Get it! This is so far from the halcyon days of "Rush, Rush" and being married to Emilio and did you know that I choreographed Janet Jackson? This is pill-popping and paranoia and exhaustion. How in the hell does sitting behind that table lying to plastic young people about their singing abilities result in this?

Jennifer Braff is a hot commodity. The Playboy model and fashionista extraordinaire was snagged by Amore Fashion to represent their lines of clothing, jewelry, bathing suits and other Amore goodies. The spokes model has also joined in on reality tv fun. "The Age of Love" is a fresh new show that asks the age old question, "does age really matter?" A 30 year old hunky bachelor is thrown into the arms of two groups of women. The perky and naïve 20 something's go head to head with the wiser and fabulous 40 something's. Jennifer Braff shows the kids fresh out of college just how fantastic she is.

In the spirit of loving all things fashion, Amore is offering a chance to win a FREE pair of Jamie Kreitman Flip Flop's. Watch the show every Monday night and then head over to AmoreFashion.com to answer several questions about the show you just watched. Answer the most questions correctly and you could have your choice of pink, black, olive or white flip flop embellished with a Vintage Heart Brooch. The contest is for VIP of Amore Fashion and A Socialite Life Readers. Simply sign up to become Amore's VIP here.

Catch Jennifer Braff and your first chance to win the sandals June 18th on NBC 9/8 central.

(INF)

Patti Davis, authoress and daughter of Ronald and Nancy Reagan, wrote a commentary about the recent rehab trend among fame victims for Newsweek . And in it, she writes about how she considers treating rehab like a strategic career move to be "practically blasphemous". Preach on, Patti!

"How lucky these celebrities are to be able to go to one of these facilities (which are not cheap) and to benefit from the wisdom and help that waits behind the gates."

Regarding her own experience, "I struggled for years to learn on my own what someone like Lohan could learn in months, if she were willing to do so. Of course, that learning also has to be followed by practice. Every day. Forever. But it can start in rehab," Davis writes.

She also writes about her own addiction to speed and coke, and mentions how she wanted coke so bad post-rehab that she would drive her nails into her palm and draw blood! Dude, NEVER got hooked on something. I have a Diet Pepsi addiction and it's debilitating. Do you know how bad the aspartame is? Jesus. Wasn't Ron Reagan's son a butt pirate? Not to speak ill of the dead, but I always had the impression Mr. Reagan wasn't too fond of the queers. For his son to be a ballet dancer was delicious.

More photos of Lindsay Lohan in and out of Promises after the jump.

(Flynet)

More of Jessica Biel after the jump.

With her new album, "Good Girl Gone Bad," 19-year-old R&B singer, Rihanna, simply wanted her image to change from the "innocent, generic shell" that she felt she had been previously presenting to the world into a more mature perception. However, she'll probably be careful not to go so "bad," that she ends up in the revolving door of rehab, like a lot of her famous peers, because of witnessing her father's struggle against an addiction to crack.

"I just knew that my mom and dad would always argue when there was a foil paper with an ashtray," she says. "He would just go into the bathroom all the time. I didn't know what it was. ... [But] he knew that to get closer to [his kids], he had to cut that out. And he did."

I hate when I find out that someone actually has been exposed to someone who smoked crack, or even worse, that they themselves did. It always makes it awkward when they say something ridiculous and you accidentally respond by saying, "Are you smoking CRACK or something?" And you realize that, oops, they just might be.

More photos of Rihanna on the set of a video shoot after the jump.