And heads to the beach. It's about time that Paris Hilton took to the beach. Despite her reported weight loss in jail, she's looking pretty damn good.

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More photos of Paris Hilton and her bikini bod after the jump.

Or at least his foot does.

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Paris, Britney, The Spice Girls, Paula, a golfer, a couple douches and few more attention getting celebs make up this weeks Celebrity Buzz Meter. Oh, and we also had a visit from Racism.

Things are heating up here in Los Angeles, with the summer fast approaching and that bikini in the back of your closet looking at you with those judging eyes. Stop that, you polka-dotted, hateful bitch! And so, to distract you from the evils that lurk in our closets, J. Harvey is here, providing witty insights and flights of celebrity fancy to soothe your troubled soul. Because that's what he's paid to do. And he's durn good at it.

1. I Wouldn't Sleep With George Michael Anytime Soon - George Michael has scared himself out of being emotionally capable of going and getting himself an AIDS test. And J. Harvey is here to tell you that no, being a gay man does not necessarily mean that you are living your life like a "Queer is Folk" marathon and that even though it's scary, get thee to an AIDS testery! J.'s post reads like what all public service announcements should sound like. Maybe if he were in charge of them, we would have won the war on drugs! Hoo-ah!

2. Cocaine Makes You Paranoid - Oh, Brittany Murphy. I think we all know that the trouble started when you got skinny. And stayed that way. We love you, but still, you gots to lay off the "diet supplements."

3. Surf's Up - See, we don't hate all celebs. In fact, we really do like most of them. And when we see them doing stuff that we can understand, like trying surfing in an uncomfortable, not-exactly-the-most-flattering outfit on the planet, we give them props. For proving that they are also human like us.

4. Victoria Beckham's Closet Is Elaborate - And on that note, let's switch gears to a woman who does everything in her power to dispel the theory that her being is constituted of primarily organic matter. Vicky's living like a Bratz doll/Jetson. I'm a bit jealous, if not confused as to how it works. I think it uses X-rays.

5. Pink Taco Opens - And what would my week be without at least one filthy blog post title?

ADIOS AMIGOS!

It's been a tough week covering Planet Trashbag. Lisa was front and center, covering Paris Hilton's release and her subsequent televised pack of lies on the Larry King show. It takes a strong woman to be able to withstand all the cheese and fakery and bring it to you fresh and with a snarky spin. Lisa Timmons? She's that woman.

1. Foxy Brown Gets A Taste Of Her Own Medicine -

Given her past of lashing out at the very people, whom she pays to beautify her, I wonder if Foxy will be able to find someone willing to help her put that stuff back in her head. I know I wouldn't. If I saw her walking into my hypothetical beauty salon, I'd pretty much just assume that she was there to throw shit at me.

Lisa owns a hypothetical beauty salon, and the image of Foxy Brown entering and not saying anything and tossing Paul Mitchell product about in it is priceless.

2. Zach Braff Blogs That He's Not a Player He Just Crushes A Lot - HAH! Lisa - bringing back the chorus of one of my favorite songs of yesteryear! You nasty! I don't care!

3. Alan Cumming Gets Them Leaving - This is my favorite headline of the week from Lisa. I wish I'd written that. Lisa is a master of...was that a pun? She's a mistress of puns!

4. Lisa's Mom Gives Good Advice - Lisa on Marilyn Manson:

I didn't really get too much dating advice from my parents growing up, but I specifically remember my mother telling me, "Lisa. You can't trust a man without eyebrows. You just can't." And you know, what? She's right.

Wise words, Lisa's Mom. Lisa's Mom and Ri-Ri Harvey need to hang out and have some Captain and Diet Cokes sometime.

5. Nina Raci FInally Confronts Her Haters - Lisa brought this to the world's attention yesterday and the world should love her for it. I love how she portrays Nina as the person of importance that she is. This little girl is a howl. And she is matter-of-fact and will set you straight. And man, fifth grade broads can have frenemies, too, it sounds like.

(Flynet)

Was Our Lady of the Cheese Doodle railroaded into rehab? Was she actually just depressed and her Moms and K-Fed shoved her ass in there? Will Elizabeth finally tell Lucky that Jason is the baby's father? Sources are saying that Britney might not have been actually drinking and drugging when she went into rehab and that she feels she was railroaded. Britney repeatedly tried to get the results of drug tests from Promises to prove she wasn't using, and when she finally did - the results were that she was clean?

After leaving Promises, as paparazzi waited for the golden shot of Britney drinking again, she began getting angry that she was at a rehab facility in the first place. Britney and her assistant, Allie Sims, called Promises multiple times, asking for a copy of the report showing that she tested dirty for drugs and/or alcohol when she checked in.

We're told it took several days to get an answer. Only two reports were sent to Britney's rep, both showing no drug or alcohol use whatsoever. Most shocking, the first report was dated March 7, 15 days after Britney checked in.

This still doesn't mean she's not a yokel. Anyway, keep reading for Britney's reaction.

As you may or may not have noticed, we do have something of a Bennifer fetish...or would it be called Garfleck? Sigh. We're sorry we just subjected you to that, but for serious, the Garner-Affleck crew seem to be enjoying themselves quite a bit in Hawaii and the way we keep posting these pictures makes it appear as if the vacation were never-ending. OMG, I just had a thought...maybe if we look hard enough, eventually, we'll be able to spot a wigged Paris, attempting to convert the locals. I would love a pic of her handing out condoms and Bibles, while enjoying a nice Mai Tai.

(Flynet)

More photos of Ben and Jen (check out Ben's tattoo on his back) after the jump.

The crazy astronaut lady traveling cross country to kidnap or kill her romantic rival wasn't celebrity gossip. It was better! And one of the best details about the whole sordid story was Nasa maniac Lisa Nowak wearing a diaper on her cross-country trek to cut a bitch because she didn't want to waste anytime! Seriously, sitting in her own filth was preferable to not putting some ho in the ground asap. Imagine how many dreams shattered when Nowak's lawyer claimed in court that the diaper story wasn't true. This is exactly like the time the Easter Bunny molested me.

The biggest lie is this preposterous tale," said defense attorney Donald Lykkebak, according to Florida Today.

Lykkebak made his comments during a status hearing on the case Friday morning. Nowak is scheduled to stand trial on Sept. 24.

According to reports, Nowak wore special astronaut diapers so that she could drive without stopping from Houston to the Orlando International Airport, where she allegedly attacked Shipman on Feb. 5.

The diaper drama continues after the jump.

- If I was exhausted watching Paula Abdul on "Hey Paula," I can only imagine how exhausted Paula Abdul really was.

- Who would have thought that making comfort food healthier could go so wrong? It did on this week's "Top Chef."

- America gets things very wrong on "So You Think You Can Dance."

- "American Inventor" is the only reality show that you'll find contestants with the name Wigberto.

- "Last Comic Standing" tried to mine for comedy in London and Minneapolis.

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Was she panicking because she has no idea what she's famous for besides dating everyone? Do you know? Penelope Cruz had a major freakout on an airplane on Thursday, causing a grounding and some luggage being tossed around.

Penelope Cruz had a panic attack onboard a Continental flight from Newark to Barcelona Thursday night. Cruz, who appeared to be traveling alone, was in first class and became agitated after the plane left the gate. After she spoke with the cockpit, the plane returned to the gate and Cruz deplaned. A fellow passenger told Huffington Post, "She was freaking out and refused to fly." In the process of Cruz deplaning, the flight removed all the bags, which then sat in the rain, so that the airline could locate her luggage.

The status on Continental's website of Flight 120 shows that the airplane returned to the gate in Newark before taking off almost two hours late, at 8:52 pm for a 7:10 pm departure.

If this is some "Final Destination" shit, then I'm with her. Planes are scary. I know it's safer than driving, but still - small metal tube suspended thousands of feet in the air and you have no clue who's driving or about your other passengers. There's a recipe for safety. But if this was some kind of celebrity drama mama drug flashback, then hopefully some battle axe flight attendant put her on blast before the deplaning.