Hopefully, every con everywhere will now be using this bullshit as an excuse to try and get out of the clink. That'll learn em'! L.A. County Sherrif Lee Baca appeared before lawmakers defending his decision to initially release Skankatron on house arrest. He claims that she could have died. This is like one of those movies where someone had the chance to kill Hitler and didn't and then terrible things happened. So in 3022, someone's hopefully going to build a time machine and go back and beat this jackass and his bad decision-making down. Because if allowed to live, Paris will slag up this entire nation! And we'll all have to join underground resistance groups who refuse to cowtow to an STD-ridden retard.

Baca held up a medical report, and said Hilton had two doctors prescribing different medications.

"She was at a place where we couldn't fix whatever that medical problem was with the resources we have. We knew this problem was not going to get better," Baca said. "We were placed in a very unusual and awkward position with Ms. Hilton."

But the supervisors questioned the severity of Hilton's health problem. "She looked pretty healthy at the MTV Awards before going into jail," said Supervisor Don Knabe.

Supervisor Knabe is now the lucky winner of the J. Harvey Blowjob Lottery for that pithy observation. Bless you, my good man.