"Flare" magazine shoved Avril Lavinge's punk (and I don't mean as in rock) ass on their cover to irritate us. Some of this chick's songs are kinda catchy (I'm cheesy) but her stank attitude overshadows her work. She gives our neighbors to the north a bad name. Canada should bar her from entering their beautiful land ever again. Here's part of her scintillating interview.
What's the one item you cannot leave home without? AL: My cell phone.Figures.
What was the last book you read? AL: The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver.There's no way she read that book. I read that book and I kept falling asleep on the pages. My sleep drool reduced them to mush. She's a filthy liar.
Who is your favourite designer? AL: I don't have a favourite designer.I've seen you, you need to get one.
If you could attempt any career other than your own, what would it be? AL: I would be a police woman or a nutritionist.Of course you would. But you would actually be a Target cashier or one of those girls who works at Build-A-Bear. The one who is sick to death of asking the little kids to kiss the bear and give it a heart and would eventually snap on one and get fired and would leave flashing both middle fingers and tossing her stringy hair around. Because I'm punk, man! You can't cage me with your fascist teddy bears!
What is in your CD player right now? AL: Alanis Morrisette.Alanis just simultaneously vomited and soiled herself and will now be restricting herself to composing on the pan flute in hopes that Avril will never namedrop her again.
What's your biggest fashion pet peeve? AL: High heels and short skirts- together.Jealous bitch!
Would you describe yourself as high or low maintenance? AL: Low maintenance.HA HA HA HA HA. Those dumb-ass pink streaks just don't appear in your mop by themselves, Rainbow Brite! She probably likes sunflowers. All high maintenance bitches like sunflowers.
How do you stay in shape? AL: I like to jog.Off the CN Tower hopefully.
Do you have any pets? AL: My mom has a dog, but he's mine too!Your mother despises you and she had the dog put down months ago. You don't know because you never visit her, Selfish. What kind of daughter are you?
When you have spare time, what's your favourite way to spend it? AL: I enjoy spending time with my friends.Coke, crystal, dp's. Trying to get my husband to stop crying because I outsell his pug-faced ass.
What is your favourite travel destination? AL: Italy.How come she's been there and I haven't? What kind of world is this?
Where have you not been that you would love to go? AL: Egypt.Yes, please go there and hopefully get caught in some kind of political infighting. No Avril, you don't need to duck. They're not shooting at you baby, walk right out there!
Who do you most admire? AL: In the music industry, I admire how long Madonna has been around for.She's after Madonna. Watch out, Madge. A shrimpy Canadian crib midget is on your jock.
How would you like to be remembered? AL: As a respected singer/songwriter and someone who is strong-willed and strong-minded.Well you're gonna be remembered as a short bitchwad. But thanks for the chorus to "Sk8er Boy". That was hot. Not like you wrote it, though!
Camille says:
Aww, I really enjoyed The Poisonwood Bible ... Damn you Avril Lavigne!
Interloper says:
shrimpy Canadian crib midget
I think I need a t-shirt with this on it IMMEDIATELY.
nastybugger says:
oh, J, how I LOVE your commentary.
"Trying to get my husband to stop crying because I outsell his pug-faced ass" is almost as good as "shrimpy Canadian crib midget".
I hope you never leave us socialites!
citizen_cris says:
the funny part is that she's wearing a short skirt on the cover of the magazine...and i imagine heels as well. i see right through her schtick, and always have.
remembered as a respected singer? i guess in as much as ashlee simpson will be remembered as a respected singer.
Applespice says:
That is awesome commentary. And I agree with Interloper, that should be on a shirt!
green cardigan says:
How do you stay in shape? AL: I like to jog.
Off the CN Tower hopefully.
Priceless.
I wanted to write a comment, but in fact I can't be bothered. She's too boring. I'm going to spend the rest of the afternoon staring into space with my mouth hanging open after reading her interview.
ickivicki says:
Hahahahahaha...too funny!
TheBree says:
Avril supersucks. That song Girlfriend totally erased any credibility for the songs she had that had any meaning, "I'm with you" "Nobody's Home". Then she released that steamer of a song which seemingly stunk up any room I was in every time it was on. She needs to save it and shut it.
Alliecat says:
"Those dumb-ass pink streaks just don't appear in your mop by themselves, Rainbow Brite! She probably likes sunflowers. All high maintenance bitches like sunflowers."
Priceless!
Kate says:
Pamela Anderson also gives our friend up north a bad name.....don't forget about trashette.
Bearfootgrrl says:
Thank goodness, I thought I was the only one who couldn't stand this chick!!! Her self-righteous attitude of 'I'm better than and nothing like all these pop singers' is whack! Newsflash: your music IS pop and you care WAY too much about what people think of you!!
LoRider says:
Avril Lavigne is as hardcore as a basket of teddy bears and a mother's love. If she was answering truthfully, her reply to "how would you like to be remembered" would have been "I just hope someone remembers me at all!". Bubblegum pop-writing skank. Hey Avril, Molly Ringwald called and asked if a callback for the next Breakfast Club movie.
Ride Lo
Darth Paul says:
My sister should love you for this. I already do.
flatbellydance says:
Agreed, J Harvey rules.
Avril has always struck me as a very pissed off midget, stuck in the 7th grade. I can't recall the last time I read of a celeb being so utterly conceited. Does she even fit into adult sized clothing? Or is she the biggest client of the Olson twins line? "Hooker attire for little people".
Adrienne Saia says:
I hate to think of how many braincells I would have wasted on reading solely the Q&A from the article had your witty commentary not been there to bring me back to life.
Well played. She's a douche.
jt says:
omg J. Harvey u r so right! this girl is the most annoying artist out there. Shut up beezy!
Frida says:
It always amazes me that some people can be so annoyed with famous people that they really know nothing about. Do you really have so much time on your hands? I'm not a fan of Avril, but then I can't say I hate her either because I DON'T KNOW HER! I realize that this is supposed to be funny, but it's just sad.
Suck It says:
Thank you Frida! Good for her... She's trying to make her own rules in an unfriendly climate for talented (yes, talented) people her age. She's not in jail or rehab & she's trying to make a career & marriage work in a world of sterotypes & haters. Who cares about the he says/she says lyrics game? Who cares how she dresses or about how she treats the paps? (Love it, by the way!) It's all about having the talent to back up the bullshit & she does! Live & let live :)
dita says:
she sucks
Canada guy says:
I'm not a huge fan of hers but she has some decent stuff compared to most of the other female pseudo-singers out there but dude...you are really stretching with some on those "funny bits" you printed. If you don't have anything funny, why bother?
Persistent Cat says:
I can't handle the sound of her voice, it's grating.
For her "supporters," what many make fun of is the fact that she "fronts." She says she's punk, can kick anyone's ass and she writes her music. She's not punk, I don't think she weighs enough to throw a punch and she gets threatened with lawsuits a lot by those claiming to have written her songs or those claiming she stole their song. She's so full of her own self-importance, it's irritating.
Flare magazine sucks ass anyway. This is their way of hoping to get readers, I'm surprised it's still around. It's one of those magazines that will continue to be sent to you long after your subscription ends. They don't come after you for cash, they are seriously just happy someone is reading it.
P says:
Oh snap. Sunflowers are my fav :/ But that's because I just moved to England from the damn desert (Phx & Vegas) so I was quite entertained at the fact you can buy three big sunflowers here for £2. Crazy rain, makin flowers all cheap!
betsy says:
I really enjoyed reading this! It made my day!!!
$@M says:
i dunno what the f**k yalls problem is but i think ur just jealous of her...you guyz really need to get a life and stop comin up with ridiculous comments about the celebritiez...and if you do, then make em believable!...i bet when the south park movie made that song "Blame Canada", you didnt say anything to them!...give them a frikin break!...all theyre tryin to do is please their fans and if they screw up one frikin time or say one thing thats the least little bit bitchy, then u totally blow it all out of proportion!...im not really a fan of avril lavigne, but at least i dont hate her just because her kinda entertainment isnt my kinda thing...i dont see u guyz sellin millions of albums a year or makin it to the top of the charts with UR songz!...Stop bein so damn immature and take up art class or something...
Hayley Williams says:
You guys are really mean. You're probably just jealous because she's pretty and famous and you're not.
gary jules says:
are you really hayley williams? because if you are, you need to recognize you're way more talented than her skank ass