Hey team - it's that time again. Time for me to give advice that hopefully doesn't leave you divorced, pregnant or arrested. Or all three. This week, A Socialite's Life reader is intrigued by her best friend's sexuality. Let's take the skin boat to tuna town!
Dear J,
I'm pretty sure that my best friend is a lesbian. She hasn't told anyone yet (while sober anyway,) should I confront her at this point or continue to wait it out? I'm not really sure how to deal with it at this point seeing as all my gay male friends just kind of spit it out one day. I'm also pretty sure she's got a crush on me, which isn't returned, should I continue to pretend I don't know once she does come out?
Sincerely,
Brittany
Hop in your second date U-Haul full of furniture, Brit, and follow me after the jump!
Dear Brittany,
Ok, so I'm wondering. Did the "sober comment" mean she's been saying it when she gets hammered? Chances are that she is. You have obviously seen some signs. She works for UPS, owns Xena on DVD, likes softball and Tegan & Sara. Or she keeps trying to touch your boobs. That might clue me in. I wouldn't confront her at all. Let her come out in her own time. She'll fess' up eventually. You don't want to set a lesbian off. There can be tears, and then some sort of physical violence. I've seen dykes fight. It usually ends with someone bloody and someone threatening to kill themselves. And there is nothing more evening ruining than trying to talk a blonde chick with a shaved head and hornrimmed glasses into not killing herself. On the real side, let's discuss her potential feelings for you. If she does come out to you and indicates she has feelings for you? Just say no. But be nice. As in "I'm flattered you feel that way, but I don't feel the same about you. You're my best friend and always will be. But my outhouse door doesn't swing that way, girly." Ok, try to sound less flip. Seriously, make sure in no uncertain terms that she knows you aren't into her. Because lovestruck people will take any sign they can to keep being in love with you, and pine and it's painful. But also let her know that she's still your friend. She might need some time off from you to find an actual lesbian to click with. Then she'll come back and you guys can go back to doing whatever it is that gay and straight girls do together as pals. With me and my straight guy buddies - it's drinking. See? We can live together in peace and harmony! Well, and drinking usually leads straight guys to disrobe. Ok, maybe you shouldn't drink with her.
Please continue to send your mash notes, crayon drawings, nude photos of Senator Larry Craig, and Mary Woronov autographed photos to harvey.advice@gmail.com! Your letters rock!
Note to our readers, J. Harvey is in no way a counselor, advisor, professional, priest, or in any way qualified to be giving out advice. Please take it with a grain of salt and a sense of humor. In other words, don't sue.
T-Bone says:
"She works for UPS, owns Xena on DVD, likes softball and Tegan & Sara. Or she keeps trying to touch your boobs".
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Hilarious, J Harvey!
Zekers says:
I had this happen a few years ago. I was very kind whn she finally told me that she had a thing for me...but the reality is, we aren't friends anymore. I think mostly because she was embarrassed...it didn't bother me even a fraction as much as it seemed to affect her.
karen says:
Please please please tell me the title of this post is from Kids in the Hall!!! If so, we might be soulmates.
DruNken LauRen says:
WELL, this is my 2 cents....
#1 Leave your friend alone and #2if she creaps you out go back to #1.
I don't get this person, if my bestfriend told me she was gay, i'd be ok w/it... you swing your way and i'll swing mine....
I kinda get the hint that you think she is trying to "turn you gay", honey, that is NOT the case.... "gay/lesbos" do not try to "change you!!!".... i have plenty of lesbo and gay friends and they are what they are and i am what i am... and not once has a lesbo hit on me... they can tell i am not!!! on the other hand. I've TRIED DANM IT and TRIED to switch a gay back to not gay and guess what??? NADA CHICA... he is as gay as a clown....
loving my J more and more... and waiting on his dumb as too but we know that won't happen,
lauren
bunny says:
my five cents
She is probably NOT hitting on you but you are the only person she feels comfortable with being a lesbian. Take it from a les who had a hard time coming out. My closest girlfriends probably got more drunk feel ups BUT it was not about attraction at all. I mean they are cute but it was just a safety zone. In a similar vain my straight friends who think that they might like a girl are always trying to get their feel up on whenever a sip of alcohol touches their lips. Relax honey, its not that deep.
I love straight girls who suddenly think they are the hottest shit on earth once they find out that their friend is gay!