In NHL news . . .

Sean Avery basically calls Elisha Cuthbert a whore
Elisha Cuthbert and Dion Phaneuf in Maui (5/7)

NHL star and all-around douche bag Sean Avery was suspended today by commissioner Gary Bettman for basically calling his ex-girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert a whore. Cuthbert is currently dating Calgary Flames defenseman Dion Phaneuf and has also been linked to Montreal Canadians defenseman Mike Komisarek. As reporters were gathered around him in the locker room Tuesday morning, Avery said:

“I’m really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about, but enjoy the game tonight.” (Source)

Sounds like Elisha gets passed around more by NHL players than the puck on a power play. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with “sloppy seconds” — my hand just had it an hour ago — I just don’t want to date a chick whose last five boyfriends have less teeth than I do . . . combined.

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[Pacific Coast News]

Two Shauna Sand stories in one week!

Shauna Sand skanks up Coco De Ville nightclub
Shauna Sand outside Coco De Ville nightclub in Hollywood (9/10)

If you’re like me you look at the occasional pics I post of Shauna Sand standing outside Hollywood clubs in her lucite skank boots and wonder if she maintains the same level of class while inside the club. Well wonder no more. From this week’s National Enquirer:

D-list actress Shauna Sand tried to turn Villa in West Hollywood into a mini-strip club on Nov. 13. The former Playmate — and Lorenzo Lamas’ ex — hit the dance floor with her trademark Plexiglass platforms and proceeded to grind on a club patron while pulling up her dress and showing off her breasts. (Print Edition - 12/1)

D-list? When did Shauna get on the D-list? I think a congratulations are in order. Maybe we can all pitch in and get her a cake or some dignity.

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[Flynet, WENN]

Read more about: Shauna Sand

Lunch with Marisa Miller

I bet she smells nice
Marisa Miller

Marisa Miller at a cocktail party celebrating the grand opening of Victoria’s Secret new Lexington store in New York (12/2)

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[WENN]

Read more about: Marisa Miller

Britney! Britney! Britney!

Britney Spears near nip slip
Britney Spears outside Tenjune last night

Britney Spears celebrated her 27th birthday last night at Tenjune nightclub in New York. The night was way more low key than her last wild trip to Tenjune in 2007 when she got her thong grabbed and was making out with random dudes. Even though Britney wore that amazingly low-cut dress, she didn’t slip a nip once. We can thank her dad Jamie for that. Last week he had Britney’s nipples surgically removed to prevent future embarrassment. Her vagina has also been smoothed over with a large flesh-colored piece of plastic. She’s a lot like a Barbie doll now.

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[INFdaily.com, Splash News]

Read more about: Britney Spears

The Daily Bikini

Heather Mills bikini pics!
Heather Mills bikini pics!

Heather Mills in Nice, France (July 2007)

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[BauerGriffinOnline]

Read more about: Heather Mills, The Daily Bikini

Kim wants to do Playboy again

Kim Kardashian to do Playboy again
Kim Kardashian at the grand opening of the Fontainebleau hotel in Miami Beach (11/14)

On her blog this morning, Kim Kardashian finally addressed those rumors that nobody has heard that claim she said she’d never pose for Playboy again. Uh, thanks? Kim said:

There are a bunch of reports about me on the web claiming that I said I would never do Playboy again. They’re quoting me as saying, “It was a one-off. I don’t think I’ll do Playboy or anything like that again.”

THIS IS TOTALLY FALSE!

First of all, I have never used the term “one-off.” It’s simply not in my vocabulary.

Here’s my thinking: While I’m not planning to pose for the men’s magazine in the immediate future, I definitely don’t want to close the door to the opportunity! I absolutely love Hugh Hefner and the rest of the Playboy team and appreciate the opportunity to work with them!

Never say never,

Kim

If she wants to be taken seriously, Kim needs to turn Playboy down. She needs to concentrate on her career as a  . . . or her . . . ummm . . . what exactly does she do again? On second thought, Playboy may be a good idea.

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[WENN, Flynet, BauerGriffinOnline]

Read more about: Kim Kardashian

Benji wasn’t rich enough

Benji Madden wasn’t rich enough for Paris Hilton
Benji’s too poor for Paris

That thing about Paris Hilton and Benji Madden’s split being a test to see if she can stand to be away from him? Nope. She’s just a shallow whore. Shock! An “insider” told the National Enquirer:

“When she seriously considered growing old with Benji, Paris just couldn’t picture herself with someone she considers an average Joe . . . And while Benji makes a good living in a successful rock band, he’s not the millionaire that Paris envisions spending her life with.”

The final nail in the coffin came when Paris reconnected with her ex-beau, Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos, in Miami in mid-November.

“Seeing Stavros reminded Paris of the type of guy she wants to settle down with — someone who’s incredibly rich, well-traveled and who shares her thirst for the high life,” added the insider. “Benji just isn’t that type of guy.” (Print Edition - 12/1)

Let’s bottom line this: Paris doesn’t want a guy who’s rich so he can treat her to the lifestyle she’s become accustomed to. She wants a guy that’s rich because he’s the only one who’ll be able to pay for the lifelong STD meds he’s going to need. Any Joe Schmo can pick up Advil from Rite Aid, but only a multimillionaire can afford daily treatments of Valtrex, Penicillin, and wart lancing. You know how expensive that shit is?*

*UPDATE: I heard.

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[WENN]

Read more about: Benji Madden, Paris Hilton

Britney’s ripping off Courtney

Britney Spears is copying Courtney Love
Britney Spears is stealing Courtney Love’s shtick

I hope Britney Spears doesn’t think that going crazy makes her special or something. Courtney Love totally did it first. Courtney told British Elle:

While Britney Spears rebuilds her post-breakdown image, another singing celeb is busy reminding fans she’s been there, done that. Or at least the breakdown part. In an interview with the British edition of Elle magazine, Courtney Love called dibs on the public fall from grace.

“I had a long, hard fall. I set the stage for Britney to crash and burn. I went through it all first . . . My daughter knows I did drugs in my first trimester of pregnancy. She weighed 7 pounds 6 ounces when she was born and she was healthy. We were excellent parents, and I say that despite pretty much always having an edge on.” (Source)

After Courtney proclaimed “We were excellent parents,” she went on to say “except for all of the dangerous toxins we ingested, which in Curt’s case, was lead.” Claiming you were a great parent when your nights we filled with drug induced hallucinations and your days were spent letting your veins recuperate is a bit of a leap . . . which coincidentally would have been Curt’s ideal method had he not lived in a one story house.

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[BauerGriffinOnline]

Read more about: Britney Spears, Courtney Love

Kate Moss is punchy

Kate Moss and her boyfriend Jamie Hince get into fistfight
Kate Moss and Jamie Hince leaving Stella McCartney’s Christmas party in London (11/24)

Kate Moss was spotted last week in London with some scratches on her cheek which she claimed came from an accident involving Christmas decorations. Which is weird because you wouldn’t normally classify your boyfriend’s fist as a Christmas decoration. From the Daily Mail:

Guests at Stella McCartney’s festive party at her store in Mayfair overheard the supermodel and the guitarist confess all to comedian Peter Kay, who had asked about Jamie’s face.

“We had a fight yesterday about what to do for Christmas,” Kate revealed. “We had a bit of a scuffle and I was wearing a chunky ring, which caught him right in the eye. It’s all OK now, though. We fight and we have our ups and downs - like anyone, really.” (Source)

Kate’s story clears up the black and blue mark around her boyfriend’s eye, but doesn’t explain the bruises on her forearms and in between her toes. They probably ended up that way due to some of the other Christmas decorations those two own: like St. Peter’s Syringe and Rudolph’s Rubber Hose. Kate’s right about one thing though, she and Jamie do have their “ups and downs” . . . except her “ups” last five days and her “downs” last until her gums stop itching.

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[Flynet, WENN]

Read more about: Jamie Hince, Kate Moss

Quickies

Lindsay Lohan licking her lips
Lindsay Lohan leaving the Grove in L.A. (12/2)

+ Aw gross, Beyonce has hairy armpits [Hollywood Tuna]

+ Avril Lavigne doesn’t like fat, creepy guys [Drunken Stepfather]
+ Shalom Harlow Nude in Purple Magazine [Egotastic!]
+ Your Jessica Alba smoking hot pic of the week [College Humor]
+ Now that is a bad nose job [Holy Taco]

+ Britney announced her tour dates y’all [I’m Not Obsessed]
+ Tina Turner is clearly high [Dlisted]
+ I think I’m in love with Emmanuelle Chriqui [Popoholic]
+ Audrina denies calling Lauren Conrad a slut [A Socialite’s Life]

+ Boobs are magically mesmerizing [Double Viking]
+ Monique Luchese is your afternoon pick-me-up [F-Listed]
+ Erin Andrews has really nice sweater kittens [Busted Coverage]
+ The Pussycat Dolls really hate clothes [Attuworld]

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[WENN]

Read more about: Lindsay Lohan, Morning Links