Previously - The always entertaining and self-referential Dominique was sent packing. Hopefully to a dentist.
Roma! It's been a long, and sorta interesting journey. We had Lauren, the lumbering Texas Chainsaw Massacre fan who drank her coffee out of a wineglass and had no qualms about trying to kill Fatima or Dominique. Claire, the girl who I thought would this whole deal who ended up being that girl on the playground who constantly had the other girls following her around as she tormented the girl with the brace. And here I thought she was totally cool DIY chick. And Mad Dog Marvita, who was so tough and sassy and completely ready to shank a bitch for her calling cards that I thought I might be in love. But alas, they went home. And we're down to the effervescent, slightly elvish Anya, yes? And big, brassy, kind of stank Whitney. And finally, the genitally mutilated, absent of tact Fatima. Who will win this one? I know the answer. Watch the video if you want to know right now. Otherwise, keep reading.
More of the ANTM finale, after the jump!
Tyra discusses the remaining contestants. We get Claire's belly flop. Watching that again, it looks really painful. She probably had it coming but are we sure she's not a quad now? Anya is full of bubbles, but they wonder if she can personally pull off modeling. Fatima doesn't like men (you try romance without a clit!) and doesn't follow directions. Whitney takes great photos (she does?), but she tends to bottom out. In multiple definitions.
Anya has had her lip waxed and she tells us she's gained confidence since making the top three. Fatima tells us about the shack she lived in as a child, which was bereft of electricity, water, and clitorises.
Big Whitney and Anya are good friends. The girls will be shooting their Cover Girl ads. How come no one uses the pool in their Rome crib? Probably because they haven't slept in weeks and someone would drown. Why does Mr. Jay's pea coat collar have to be up like he's a playing an evil queen from Disney? He's here with the Cover Girl queen who's trying to shill some Wal*Mart. This cycle is sad in a lot of ways. Remember the days of Elle and Giles DePersimmon or whatever his name was? That was quality. This is endcaps of Toby Keith cds and some floor wax.
We find out the winner is getting a billboard of Times Square. Fatima is so enthralled by everything and looking happy. Then why is she stank at home? Saleisha is here because she doesn't have anything else to do. Did Saleisha lose weight because she can't afford food? Maybe Big Whitney ate it because she's telling Saleisha how she's the first plus-size girl to make it this far. I'm sensing a fix.
Saleisha and Big Whitney go to comfort Anya because she's nervous and crying. She's looking like a victim on SVU. It's Fatima's turn to shoot in front of the Coliseum. Fatima starts reciting lines like a robot. Big Whitney can taste her win. Whitney is better, she sounds slightly cheesy but she's way better than that droid Fatima. Anya and her large bracelet are energetic as she stumbles through her lines. Fatima feels that she's much more relatable than the other two girls. Hey, I HAVE a clitoris. That was a joke.
Cover Girl queen Brett acknowledges that Anya even has modeling in her very toes. Is Anya wearing a babushka again? .......
And this is where my DVR crapped out. No, this ain't a joke. What's up with the multi-colored pixels and the screaming? Can this be serious? Does my DVR know that this is the ANTM FINALE? Who do I call about this? Seriously, where's my phone?
Judging panel. I guess it's back. What the F*CK was that? The girls are walking in a Versace fashion show? Paulina thinks Anya's photo was dumb. HAH! Paulina better have a spot next cycle, because she is raw like sushi. Tyra says that she was dumb when she modeled, too. What's Houston's? Is that some sort of steak house or is a weave shop? Your boyfriend didn't call you because you've dated your career for decades.
Nigel feels that Fatima's ambition has overtaken her ass and it's resulted in a lack of confidence. Tyra feels her lack of clitoris has made her powerful and unashamed or something. Ok, maybe my friggin' DVR is acting up again but does Big Whitney's photo look like she's a wide mouth bass? Seriously, it looks like she's got a hook in her yap. The judges feel like Whitney is covering something up. Probably the canned ham in her purse.
It's time to pare it down to two. Nigel Barker will be shooting the Seventeen cover for the winner. Anya is called. Fatima knows she didn't get it. Learn how to pronounce "Lash Blast" and come back next cycle. Big Whitney is crying as Tyra mentions that something's up with her. It might be the fact that she knows she's got this contest in the bag. Whitney's in. Tyra psychoanalyzes her. Hopefully Whitney knocks down a stilt-walker during the show like the 2nd to last chick did last cycle.
Fatima feels that she is a role model for East African woman who are refugees. She feels beautiful and free and strong. And we will see her face again. Can't wait. Anya found Whitney's tears were beautiful. Whitney talks about her plus size and how she was taunted as a child. According to recent rumors, she wasn't always plus size so this could be a hoax. The girls report for their Seventeen cover shoot.
Anya's cover looks better. Can that Ann Shoket go away? Donatella Versace's going to be there?!?!? Oh my god let me get my coke spoon and my cigarettes in celebration and homage! Mr. Jay has created some Roman set for this show. Someone's trying to crawl inside Donatella's withered old leather factory. Saleisha and men will be in this show. That's my new band name - Saleisha & Men. Anya is trying to bond with hair stylist Sutan who's heard all this before.
Male models are painted silver and I am so turned on. Mr. Jay wants models to "stomp it to the death!" The theme is Clydesdales! Ok, it's not but that was an odd direction. The show is on! Saleisha kept that hairstyle? Mr. Jay walks out. So does Paulina who's aging flawlessly. And ugh, Nigel. And Tyra makes a grand entrance with her hair swept over one shoulder. We get it, you're runnin thangs.
There is some hot hip-hop booty music playing and I will honestly say I don't know why Saleisha doesn't work more because she looks like fever. Anya walks. She does well. A little stiff. Big Whitney kinda flounces that ass down the runway. Whitney almost steps all over her dress but manages to retain her flounce. She's kind of got a smarter Anna Nicole vibe happening this evening. She also does this interesting halt in the middle of her walk back to upstage Anya when she faces the audience again and smirks. Ouch! That's kind of like Snow Black's wink for the win back in the day!
Anya imitates her. Ok, so Tyra ordered it. I need this show's soundtrack on my iTunes. Who knows the songs? Where's Donatella? I don't see Donatella. The girls freeze and pose. I think the pink dress did it for Whitney. WHERE IS DONATELLA? I did all this coke for nothing?
It's time. Tyra is keeping the new straight wig going. She looks very harsh for this judging. Paulina is dressed like Audrey Hepburn. She is so trying to stick it to Tyra. Ms. Jay and Paulina throw down and he tells her not to twist his "little black ass" when she defends Anya's stiffness on the runway. Where is Donatella Versace? Sorry. Whitney is compared to Tyra circa 92.
Tyra imitates giving birth to Whitney's water photo. So Tyra is playing the part of Donatella Versace? Ok, I get it. This is so tense, even though we know the fix is in. The fix has been in ever since they had the first plus-size girl. COMMERICAL FOR 90120?!?!? Ms. Jay says Whitney did a damn good job. Paulina thought she was a ham. She might have eaten one, sure. Tyra says that Paulina's era was ugly. Oh these two are not making it work. And I need more.
Ms. Jay feels that Anya's nose is busted. And I just noticed something. Where's Mr. Jay? Isn't he always at the end of panel? Does this mean those rumors of hot probs between him and Tyra are true? He needs to be on every panel, then.
It's time. Why is Whitney wearing her dress from the show, and Anya got to change into her first one? I liked the silver one better. Plus-size is here. Anya says she has her whole career ahead of her. She is the first "full-figured model" to win as Tyra tells us. By the way? Whitney's boyfriend is a hot jock. We need some male model action and I don't want to have to go to Bravo to get it.
We flash back to Whitney's "breast, hips, and butt" speech. And the judges do some impromptu modeling. And what do you think? Was this fixed from the start? Speak your peace on the comments board! And once again, thank you thank you thank you for reading these recaps. Our faithful readers are the lifeblood of Socialite Life and don't think we don't know it.
Amy says:
I am happy that Whitney won..she's the first 'normal' girl to make it. Where did you hear the rumors about her once being skinny and where did you see her bf??
Joya says:
FIXED FIXED FIXED!!!!
I SO miss the days of Elle! They need to go ahead and rename it America's Next Top Covergirl... Then they can keep America's Next Top Model and put the edge back into it. They can alternate seasons. Paulina can host it and they can bring Janice back in to judge since it won't be all PG'd out.
This season really sucked talent wise. And Whitney... if they were going to fix the show they could have done it with someone who is actually gone. I always thought Whitney was mediocre at best. She never got a good review at panel. It was always a 'benefit of the doubt' critique... Anya rarely had a misstep.
Also, my craptacular cable crapped out and I didnt have sound for the whole second half of the show. :o( I fast forwarded to the end. I'll have to try and catch it this weekend.
Elizabeth says:
J. Harvey you are hilarious! sometimes i dont even watch the shows that you recap, i just read the recaps and it is way better than just watching the shows. i just wish you had done a recap of the bachelor this season.
check this out (its all about the whitney fixed as winner theory).
http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2008/05/a-damn-good-job.html#more
i believe it because honestly, she's not even that pretty. and i'm not being bitchy, it's the truth. how could they not pick fatima?! i didnt like her but she was gorgeous. this show is ridiculous. and the winners never even do anything after the show! and yet i keep watching. well, as long as you keep recapping J. Harvey, i'll keep reading and watching
lesly says:
Its been fixed from the beginning - Tyra's been hungry (pun intended) for 2 cycles for a plus-sizer, er correction, full-figured girl. She's been feeling more empowered since her "So What?" campaign went full throttle. Whitney did a mediocre job, she only has 2 Zoolanderesque faces, and she bounced around on the runway like she was on a trampoline. Bottom line - we saw in coming all season. And has anyone noticed the last 2 cycle finales have been crunched down to a single, one-hour episode - with Mr. Jay on the rocks, I think this show might be down for the count. Sad, who can I judge now?
Bleecker says:
I missed the last 4 episodes of this show and can't watch it because the CW has a crappy web site and does not offer video of full episodes of Top Model. Or am I wrong? Can any of you commenters help???Great recap, J. I agree with you wholeheartedly that from the start Tyra wanted to have a big girl win this show. I think Whitney was a good choice (although I haven't seen the show in a month), but is she a "Top Model"? I don't think so. I agree with Joya that she's a Top Covergirl instead. Also, J., I loved your description of that crazy b*tch Claire. She is a MEANIE.
bSL says:
-How can WHitney feel good about that win? Her little chubby arms were flailing everywhere on the runaway. She's.... ok. Not awesome. No Tocarra, that's for damn sure. That was a big girl who could WORK IT, HONEY! *Snaps. I heart her.
-I'm sad about not seeing more of Saliesha too... that girl was born to model. Even her name says model.
-I'm convinced Anya & Fatima will be working models. They are both beautiful & natually thin girls. They look like professionals already.
-Guess it is "Amerca's Next Cover Girl"...
-LOL, Harvey- Madame Versace NEVER did appear! I just realized...How tragic!
Bleecker says:
Having read Lesly's comment, I had to comment again. Am I the only one who thinks that Tyra and the judges have not picked the best candidate for the past 3 seasons? It's like they choose a winner for political or personal reasons unrelated to the competition. That preacher's daughter with the f*cked-up teeth should have won three seasons ago. Last year's loser was 100% robbed by that catalog model who won. And this year, although I haven't even seen the finale, Fatima or Anya should have totally beat out Whitney. I loved both of them and they were both more modelesque and prettier than Whitney. And I'm not just talking size wise. They both had more skills to offer the photographers. Since Whitney was a better spokesmodel, and since the only work previous winners only succeed in landing are those "My Life as a Covergirl" spots on television, perhaps the video challenges are all that matters to Tyra. Regardless, Tyra needs to get a grip on her "competition" or open it up for the public to vote, because she does NOT know how to pick 'em.
Amy says:
My TV had LOUD music but very low voice for a bunch of episodes in the beginning, it became a regular thing every episode. The finale had normal sound though.
Whitney is a hot dog. I prefered Anya. This season had boring shoots, boring models and overall boringness all along. I prefer to watch past season re runs over the new episodes.
Amy, again... says:
And Whitneys hair was skanky.
jeneria says:
I agree with Bleeker, it's been going down since Joanie didn't win in favor of Danielle. Joanie was the shit! And Jaslene? What a horrible PC choice. And Shaleisa is okay, but Jenna and Heather were robbed in that cycle.
Every time I say I'm not going to watch, but then I do. I like Whitney. I didn't think that any of the models (outside of Claire and Katar-Polish) were all that great. Anya freaking annoyed me, although she seemed genuinely nice.
Ah well, c'est la vie.
jeneria says:
I agree with Bleeker, it's been going down since Joanie didn't win in favor of Danielle. Joanie was the shit! And Jaslene? What a horrible PC choice. And Shaleisa is okay, but Jenna and Heather were robbed in that cycle.
Every time I say I'm not going to watch, but then I do. I like Whitney. I didn't think that any of the models (outside of Claire and Katar-Polish) were all that great. Anya freaking annoyed me, although she seemed genuinely nice.
Ah well, c'est la vie.
ShameAboutRaisins says:
"Fatima tells us about the shack she lived in as a child, which was bereft of electricity, water, and clitorises."
That was, hands down, the funniest line I've EVER read.
citizen_cris says:
Of course it was fixed, it was as fixed as last season which if you look up "fixed" in the dictionary, there's a picture of Saleisha. HOWEVER, that being said, Whitney and Anya were my favorites...though I favored Anya a bit more. I think if Anya had won she may have gone on to be the most successful top model. Whitney only has one face really; open mouth, vacant stare...her boyfriend must know it pretty well.
Tyra was pushing her plus sized agenda from the beginning, but out of all the plus sized models they've had, Whitney has been the best. It just hurts me that they call her "plus-size" - which she so isn't. She's called "normal." I have to hand it to Tyra, I did like that thing she said to Ms. Jay when he called her fat.
citizen_cris says:
Jeneria - Totally agree with you, I was infuriated when Joanie lost...and it's definitely gone down since then. I have this feeling that Tyra just doesn't want to let girls win who will go on to be more succesful than her.
Also wanted to say, because I forgot, that it was also totally fixed because not ONCE was Anya in the bottom two and she won practically every challenge (like Joanie)...but the judges failed to mention that part. They also had so many harsh things to say about Whitney and her being fake and too Miss America. In fact, they were saying that up until the very end. Yeah, totally fixed.
Alek says:
I called it!
There's always a fix to some extent, like with the "producers' input" on Project Runway. The show may have started out to launch models, but now they're basically selecting Miss ANTM who'll do those lame Cover Girl promos for a year (and get to tour Wal Marts apparently).
I don't think it's all fix, but there seems to be "extra credit" for sad stories, demographic representation (size, racial group, blonde, brunette, etc.)
However, I mostly CALLED IT in that no recent immigrant girl, with a noticeable accent no less, will ever win it. So even if Anya and Fatima got to the finals on merit, the ANTM customs team was never gonna let them through.
Still, I think Whitney's gorgeous -- if she plays her cards right she can pick up the blonde bombshell model post vacated by now-emaciated Sophie Dahl and be a real star. Her face is amazing and I like that she's not wimpy even after all the judges' passive aggressive abuse.
carla says:
this is the first season where i didn't care if i missed an episode. really, it sucked. the only reason i kept watching was for a glimpse of sutan. WE NEED MORE SUTAN!
MT says:
Oh, definitely more Sutan!!! He comes out with some good comments.
anita says:
I totally think the show is fixed and seriously, all the winners from the past cycles all have gone no where. I thought Yoanna had high fashion in her but she's no where. I was rooting for Anya, she was the most natural one in front of the camera and had high fashion in her. Hopefully we'll see her around. One of the twins from a few seasons ago, works in my bldg. Don't know what she does but it ain't modeling.
Erika says:
I don't care if it was fixed, I was so happy to have a big girl win! I like Whitney (she actually reminds me a lot of a friend of mine) and think she'll do great. Thanks for another great season of recaps, Jay! I esp liked the house with no running water, electricity, or clitorises. Love you.
Karen says:
I think that anya should have won i was so choked when they showed whitneys pictures she was such a btch like only the last two episodes shestarted acting kinda normal but she still would get that smirk likewhen fatima got eliminated she wanted to laugh like hello!!! and well anya was No. 1 in almost all she won almost all the challenges ... but there was somwthing that really cought my attention.. waswhen the judges said that anya is the 1st high fashion model theyhave ever had... so it think that they thought that anua still had a chance to make it with out the ANTM title so they gave it to whitney.
Steph says:
Thought the result was ridicuolus, just what we've come to expect from Tyra really.
How can you not give the most statistically consistent girl, who has the won the most challenges, NEVER been in the final two, and the one they repeatedly have admitted has real top modelling potential the top model crown...it beggars belief.
Its almost sending out a message to future contestants, it doesn't matter how well you do on tasks photoshoots etc. we'll choose whichever random girl suits the political agenda we want to pursue in this cycle...
Although Anya's final runway was a little lacklustre, (compared to Whitney bouncing down while shaking her ass in a far more Playboy bunny as opposed to top model fashion),it was far more fitting with the brief.
Oh well, rant over...for me after Nicole Linkletter (who was very average all cycle) won over the far more high-fashion Nik in series 5, it all just became a massive power trip for Tyra, with actual modeling talent ignored and inexplicable results...
Sonia says:
-sigh- i knew whitney would win. i don't hate her or blame her for winning. sure she wanted it but she didn't truly desevre to win. she was just a pawn in the tyra machine's plan.
i definetly believed it was fixed. just molding into tyra's agenda of peing pc and all.
the show used to be good! quite honestly it started going downhill when naima won. sure that girl could take good photos but she just wasn't screaming model to me.
bah.
i wish anya luck. she deserved to win. never in the bottom two. all the high praise from the judges and the crown was ripped from her head. she had to best modeling potential out of all the girls. hopefully we'll see her in the magazines of vogue and elle soon.
i wonder when the next cycle of ANTM will begin. maybe next time around it will get better. heh. one can only hope.
kikideedee says:
I think when Whitney said people made fun of her for being 'fat' she was. actually 'fat' Remember in the house when Fatima was telling the one of the other 'skinny' models that she had a big butt. I think she meant things like that. the super skinny skanks saying she is fat even though she is normal. I don't know why there are all of these lame rumours about her, she is gorgeous and deserved to win. YAY Whitney.
sarah says:
the talent gets worse and worse each cycle...let's calm down and have a cycle with all the past winners. you know that crack whore who won cycle 1 would be all sorts of crazy to watch. maybe she could even bring her brady bunch husband.
ko says:
I really love the music on that final runway show. anyone knows who's the artist?