Hallo and Happy Post 4th of July! I spent mine being dragged on a tube behind a very fast boat across the choppy waters of Lake George, NY and trying not to die. That shit would scare Aquaman. I simply had to drink myself into a self-induced coma to calm myself down after my near death experience. The vapors!
This week, a reader is having some trouble with the customer at her call center. Keep reading...
Dear J.,
The thing is, I'm comfortable in my job as a customer service rep in a cubicle-filled call center, and I have the token gay BFF that one of the last writers was having a wet-dream over, and I'm usually very well-tempered and known for excellent customer service. But recently, which could be for any number of reasons from the credit crunch or some one putting her tampon in the wrong way in the morning before having her coffee, the calls/callers have been beyond the normal snarkiness of what I'd expect from someone in the brokerage business. The callers (which are calling a help line, mind) are becoming extremely vicious and nasty, and nearly abusive over the phone when they can't seem to draw the line between bitching about the company's mistakes (such as setting up this very call center) and my performance on the phone for them. Its not just me who feels the seething burn of these bitches, but the entire floor as a whole. Its getting so bad that my female BFF, who also works there, is ready to quit while I want to smack these people upside the head with a blunt object (preferably a red stapler.) I feel like I'm about ready to loose control of myself and my cool on the phone and spew some snarky obnoxiousness back at them, and whole I know I could be fired for it, I know its going to make me feel better (at least for the first three minutes before I'm asked to clean out my desk, stapler included.) I have no idea what your customer service experience is, but please tell me how I can better cope (or not) with this kind of Bullpoopball crap that I'm dealing with.
Thanks ahead of time,
Eliza
There's a hole in your bucket, Dear Eliza! I know, it's Liza. Just bear with me.
Actually, I HAVE worked in a call center. J. Harvey didn't just spring forth into a career of bitchy sarcasm and vacant comment whoring. No, I paid my dues with a series of horrible jobs until finally alighting on this fragile lilypad that we call the Internet.
Working in a call center is a soulsucking, thankless job. The paycheck does not make for being what you are, which is a pain target for anonymous psychotic people. You have to be built for it. Luckily, I was already an overly apologetic, people-pleasing schlub with serious masochistic tendencies. Which was perfect. You either have to be that guy, or someone with the patience of a saint and a teflon soul who is able to remove his soul from the situation, much like a serial killer.
I was chained to the phone at the one I worked at. They could measure the time you were on your phone and when your breaks and lunch were and when you weren't working. It was HELLISH. And they would record your calls and see what you were looking at on your monitor. Don't get me started on the time that my supervisor bitch watched playback of me reading a particularly obscene story on D-Listed about Whitney Houston liking vagine while I sat beside her.
You know in like Lord of the Flies, or the Big Brother house, when society is just allowed to run free and rape, murder and pillage. Well, call centers allow that sort of behavior translated through telephonic means. When I worked there, I swore that people just called up to unload viciously on people because they had a bad day, or they miscarried their baby that week, or the AC wasn't up to snuff and they had a sweaty taint.
In fact, what I do now (clowning on celebrities) is probably me working out the trauma of working in a call center.
As for how you deal with it, hang up. I'm dead serious. Hang right the f*ck up! If someone gets particularly vicious, I would hang up on their asses. Never give your real first name and hope that when he or she calls up, they get a different call center. In India. And then all you need to do is make sure that your supervisor doesn't pull that call during your monthly call success measurement bullshit encounter session! And if they do, be like, yeah remember that day the computers went down - that was the same day! I lost that call! I felt terrible!
The computers were always going down at my call center. Probably because I was constantly going into the server closet to cry and then kicking it out of rage and frustration.
Actually, the hang up thing is going to get you fired. If you need to keep this job, then you need to retain your cool and kill them with kindness. Seriously, just act SO FAKE NICE that they feel bad. Act so fake nice that it almost sounds like sarcasm. People who are that psychotic on the phone will either A) get more enraged which is awesome and means you've won or B) realize they sound like assholes and lighten. Which means you won.
Also, if this doesn't work and they just totally ruin your day, somehow get their address. If it's nearby, drive there and kidnap their children and take them on a roller coaster. That usually works, too.
Please keep sending me notes on how much your job sucks at harvey.advice@gmail.com! I LOVE YOUR E-MAILS!
Please note that J. Harvey is NOT a priest, therapist, psychiatrist, trained couselor, or even a qualified listener. Bitch does not have those degrees. In other words, don't sue.
d. LauRen says:
sorry chicky, you lost me at hello...
i am not sure what she is bitching about
T-Bone says:
Don't lose your job over it. It's simply not worth it. As the old saying goes "Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens..." (don't know who wrote that, but it's right on). If you're truly unhappy with the work, simply start looking for something else and submit resumes. Do it the sane way. If you quit without having something else to fall back on, YOUR life will get really tough -- no job, no money, no nothing... Nasty people do a number on their own lives. Don't allow them to do a number on yours. I say "kill em with kindness", and walk away knowing you did the best job you could do.
Chrissy says:
T-Bone, you are very wise.
rootabega says:
J i love you
Applespice says:
Working next to customer service (in the mortgage industry) gives me some... insight... on this. I've noticed as the mortgage industry goes belly up (and people are panicking b/c they stupidly signed on for loans they can't afford and didn't bother to read the loan paperwork) people have gotten- meaner.
I have to call people often b/c of what I do. My callers are either sucking up or mean as hell. I've found when they're mean as hell the best thing to do is to wait for them to shut-up and reply 'sir/m'am- if you will let me talk I'm going to tell you how I will help you. If you continue in that tone, it makes it harder for me to help you because we lose sight of the subject'. In one case (thank God my calls aren't monitored) I finally just said 'Sir- you've made it clear with your comments that I'm incompetent to help you so do you need anything further or shall we end this call?'. It actually- worked... he apologized. Go figure.
The customer service area beside me is on call monitoring though... so they're responses are different. My favorite is a particularly loud guy who always goes 'SIR. SIR. SIR- I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU- SIR!' and slams his hand on the desk with each Sir. We have another one who is uber polite to the point it is sickening, but she rarely has a bad call. So maybe killing them with kidness really works.
The ultimate though is just to go- 'I'm afraid I can't hear you? I think something may be wrong with my phone. Can you hear me? Hello? Hello?' Then hang up. Regardless if you can hear them or not. That really pisses them off though so just hope you're not the rep that gets them again... but it does work for getting them off your line in a way that the people monitoring calls usually doesn't catch (of course when you go through 3 or 4 headsets b/c you can't hear people they may wonder.... )
Ok- enough rambling from me!
OC Trophy Wife says:
I also worked a customer service line. I cringed whenever the phone rang because 85% of the time the caller was upset. And out of those about 20% were PISSED.
I learned to let them vent. Don't take it personally. It's rarely about you. They will tire out. Then assure them by saying "I am here to help you." At that point, take control of the call.
They will feel good about venting and will appreciate your help. Have you noticed that at the end of these calls that they are usually the sweetest teddy bears?
They are probably good people at heart. I know I have been a drama queen when calling a customer service line and I am one of the greatest people ever. ;)
It is rough work. Stay calm while you look for a new career.
I_heart_cake says:
I work in a call center at a 4-diamond (read: expensive) hotel, doing reservations and guest services. The killing them with kindness thing TOTES works! It has saved me many times from telling someone to shove it up their spoiled, high-maintenance, whiney you-know-what. People call all the time wanting to stay here because they want to pretend like their shit don't stink, but they scoff when I tell them the room rates. But I digress. Just be super fake syrupy disgustinly nice to them. I can assure you it works about nine times out of 10. The other time, ask to place them on hold and "forget" to come back for about five minutes. :)
Zekers says:
Right as rain T-Bone. Always keep your own karma good and let the Universe deal with mean people. Treat it as a challenge, kind of a game as it were, and always win!
Look for another job...
Zekers says:
What is up with posting comments this morning? "Movable type error" keeps coming up. The comment didn't post the first time (I hit back and refreshed to check) then when I posted it again, they both came up...strange.
MHeadMA says:
J. you continue to slay me daily.
"Sweaty taint" will keep me chuckling in my cube all day.
Spot on advice - Kill 'em with kindness is WIN WIN. While callers may recognize that they need to tone it down when facing the sickly-sweet-kindness, I actualy prefer when they get even more pissed off about it as I would continue to lay it on thicker than a starlet's beav who's wax bitch is on vaca.
Jeanie says:
OMG. This job sounds horrible, especially the one in J's experience. Being micro-managed is a hostile work environment as far as I'm concerned. I'm in sales which means I don't have to do customer service, but I've talked to our customer service staff at length about how they handle irate customers. My favorite is to say, "please stop yelling at me. It makes me not want to help you." That ALWAYS gets people to calm down. Also - don't take it personnally. Just imagine how much their life must suck and then you can just start to feel superior instead of angry.
Embs says:
Seriously, I read J.'s description as I sit at my desk and all the things he mentions happen in my job. Call recording, quality coaching, scheduled break, lunch, call stats. Yay! Seriously though, I have worked in brokerage in this setting for years. I have learned through different positions that when it comes down to it, customers are NOT allowed to degrade and belittle you. I will and HAVE told clients that if they continue to speak in such a way I will not be able to further help them. If they continue, I ask them to please hold, they go into the penalty box of hold time and I casually make my way over to my manager to inform them of the abuse I have been taking. Then sometimes they calm down when you come back and sitting to think about their stank behavior. If not, then your manager is aware and they may advise you to inform the client that you cannot help them if they are being abusive and disconnect, or maybe they will even take the call. Bottom line. Don't put up with shit. Its not worth your sanity. It is ok to stand up for yourself. You aint no punching bag girl!
WTF says:
J did you work at AT&T? Sounds just like it.
Personally I liked the upset customers. Especially the ones who swore every other word. Put them on hold then mock them to your co-workers. Then go back and agree with them. "Yes you are right, I would be so mad too". What are they going to say to that? After you agree with them, they calm down and you can help.
Eliza says:
Thanks, J, and everyone who commented!! It gave me a lot to think about, and makes me feel a WHOLE lot better!!
Bleecker says:
Nice advice, Harvey. Something a cop once said on the TV show COPS may be applicable here: Be an observer, not a participant. Hone that serial killer coolness so that their words just slide right off your back. Somehow learn to detatch so you're not reacting emotionally to the jerks. I liked the sarcastic niceness. Pretend you're in a comedy sketch. Act. Make it fun. Once you're riding on that aloof bubble, nothing will bring you down.