Previously - Producer Jeremy is a liar-face. The Lohans hit Vegas so Ali could record her hellish signing. They didn't bring Nana so recapping this show has gone from "harsh" to "extremely painful" for me.
Las Vegas. Ali gets her hair cut at a spa. The stylist is grinningly inappropriately, which makes me think she's on E and about to approach a bitch with scissors. Does that work? Any of you ex-ravers or people from the Jersey shore, let me know.
More Lohan, after the jump!
Ali breaks down the Producer Jeremy lying about dating older sister Lindsay story. She's lost trust in him, but she's giving him another chance. People who walk around with their hoods up in public places always make me think someone's getting robbed. Jeremy kinda looks like Maroon 5. I like to just call the lead singer by the band name, and you still know what I'm talking about.
Ali's at the spa, and Producer Jeremy is acting like his time is precious. He has to get back to his shift at Blimpie's. Jeremy is wearing shades so no one knows he did some bumps off his keys in the elevator. Skeevy! He flirts with Ali's vocal coach, who is praying that this gig allows her to quit her own job at the Hallmark store in a Long Island strip mall.
Pat Thrall is the freaky-deaky recording engineer. He took the brown acid. Jeremy is talking about Ali's work ethic, and the vocal coach goes "something about the Lohans? They work." Yeah, the corner! They both agree that Ali looks 27. Try 45. Dina shows up and hugs Jeremy. If I were Dina, I'd be like "take the f*cking the glasses off, dick." Dina warns Producer Jeremy to cut the shit, and get off his fame game. She also hints that she will sue his ass if he gets out of hand. She's a legal eagle!
Ali says she's excited to work with Jeremy n the studio. Who's that engineer in the back. Does he need any assistance? Dina sticks around for this recording session. She says that when Lindsay does a movie, she trusts the producer. Because I'm sure they have your haggard ass on speed dial. Reality check!
Jeremy is talking about his MySpace page, and Miz Ali is liking it. Pat Thrall and his stringy hair like what Jeremy has to offer. Jeremy is trying to sell his crap to that severe Zoe woman. She's like, how did this junkie get in the building. Should I inch closer to the phone without attracting suspicion.
Jeremy is so suspect. Ali is so pissed. She's pissed like only a 14-year-old stank chick can be pissed. Then Jeremy starts insinuating that Ali isn't paying attention. Well, you were off selling your ass and she got bored and probably started texting people or look at Miley's webpage and hating her.
Dina and her kinda hot trainer get after it. I mean, work out. Dina tells us that she's a dancer, but she hasn't worked out in forever. I hope she gets some. Jeremy says Ali's not doing much, and she's just learning the vocal. Ali decides she hates the song. HAH! Latah, Jeremy. She feels the pitch is "weird." Or she feels like that shady lady Jeremy has crossed her too many times. She feels it's like a guy's song.
The vocal coach looks panicky and keeps waiting for Jeremy to overhear them. Ali reveals the real reason, that Jeremy pissed her off when he started acting like he was in a rush. "I don't want to be RUSHED!" Ali exclaims with a hard Long Island "R!" And you shouldn't be, Princess. You are an artist, and artists take time to grow and develop. Look at your sister. She strike gold with Mean Girls and then took the time to ..... uh, go to rehab and turn gay. Ok, bad example.
Jeremy is wagging his chin about how dedicated he is to Jeremy. Ali says she knows who she is as an artist, and the song isn't coming to her. Ohmygod, never encourage your children if this is what happens. And well, let's face it, Producer Jeremy didn't pay enough homage to her.
John Gray is the assistant manager of the Palms and leads Dina and Cody to meet Hugh Hefner and his the Girls Next Door. She's quite the parent. She should take him to a Tijuana donkey show next. Maybe they can do some luudes' and Dina can dance for Cody's friends. Fly them on in! We find out that Cody finds them "very pretty." By the way? These girls? WICKED DUMB. I think it's funny when Cody's like Hugh Hefner's "girlfriends" are very nice, but he's more a one woman soccer player. Cody should have got some. You know his Mom was proposing a spread of her own to Hef. Hef was like "huh? Let me turn up my hearing aid. I think I just wet em'."
Ali's vocal coach is trying to play guitar and everyone is talking about the other producer when Producer Jeremy's sad ass walks in. Everyone freezes like they were just discussing the murder they just committed. Ali stutters out that she's not going to sing his song. I do recall her being very jazzed about it back in Long Island. So it's definitely the non-homage she was feeling.
Ali notes that it's a "sick" song but it's not for her. And Producer Jeremy gets heated and basically tells her she sucks. Which is funny, because he's a bit older than 14. So browbeating a young girl isn't very attractive. This makes her vocal coach use the word "dis." Which means my Mom might be using it soon. Oh no. Jeremy notes that it's a "difficult" song. Which means "you can't hack it."
Ali says she's trying to "stand up for her music." Your music? Ali stalks around with a shoulder bag. Severe Nora wanders around. Jeremy yells at the camera about how he got blown off. He actually says "if that had been an adult, it would have been on." Hey fuckface, if someone doesn't want to use your shitty music, they don't want to use it. "Would have been on?" So you would have punched her?
Dina is literally twirling her hair and talking about how famous and hard-working her daughters are. She namedrops Lindsay. Hef's like "did she do a film with Clara Bow?" Do you think Hef has any friends his own age? Jeremy knocks on Ali's door and calls her a diva. So Nora tells his ass to calm the f*ck down, and deal with it. He says he has another track. Why don't you just go sell your ass on the boulevard? Jeremy insists on calling Ali.
He makes the mistake of calling Ali "Dina". Strike three. And Ali fires him. And he stalks off back to his toolbox. The drill was lonely. Maids at the Palms can wear mini-skirts? Dina gets her nails done, and is still shilling her daughter's work to two girls who are happy to be on camera.
Ali gives Dina the news. Dina notes that they have some money tied up in Jeremy producing. Ali refuses to sing a song she doesn't believe in. Dina is like, you can't change your mind on this, bizzatch. Dina says the funniest line of the episode when she says "I never wanted to be a stage mom." Slap my ass and call me Sally! Ali says the pressure's on to finish some tracks in four days.
Dina calls Phil Maloof and says that Ali didn't "rock" that track. Is this the real lingo? They are now on a quest to find another song. It's like the quest for the Holy Grail, except with a lot more dysfunction and too much makeup!
Next - Ali gets her song. Cody makes Dina a dancer again. At the Spearmint Rhino?
Lohan says:
She is a sexy and talent girl. Some bloggers mention her often at Richromances.com. It is said she has a profile at that site. Is she looking for boyfriend?
Me says:
Actually, it was Tard-Blog.com where I last saw the Lohans. It was pretty much the average day for them. :D And yes, it's a real site that is actually funny.
wow gold says:
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