Previously - Designers tore up Saturns to make some outfits with mileage! Oh god, I'm so corny, I should write for this show. Keith cried, and took his hot body home. Suede still made me feel like when I have corn in my teeth and no floss.
Morning! NYC! Again! They should start this show in the nighttime sometimes, during a flash flood. Suede could get washed away. STELLA IN A BRA!!!! She's trying to make coffee! Someone call Ratbones immediately! She never makes coffee at home! The boyfriend wonders if she actually used a filter. I didn't because I hate coffee. I have no idea how to make it or work a machine.
Suede is mad that Keith left and he has three new roommates. Confess - you miss that body. I know I do. Heidi looks like the water pressure in her penthouse wasn't working this morning. A model with Allison's hair bow from Season 2 gets booted. Tim's here! No one cares! They better!
The designers will be designing for a fashion legend. Leeanne the Silent Fashion Assassin is happy she's not designing for TIm. Shut up, bitch! Blayne wants the challenge to be about Mary-Kate Olsen. He wants to marry her. He asks "who doesn't?" Everyone, you Dark Crystal-looking bastard. I don't like trolls who called their security force as opposed to 911 when Heath Ledger was found dead.
Diane Von Furstenberg comes down this HUGE flight of steps. Shit, girl, if this was Airplane - bitch would be rolling down! Terri's like "oh my goodness, it's Diane!" Like she knows her because I don't feel that Diane Von Furstenberg is worthy of first-name recognition. Granted, that American Express commercial where she's stumbling around the forest like the orderlies weren't paying attention is hot, but still.
Kenley is SOBBING over this in her interview. Maybe it is a big deal. Diane should have that on a t-shirt - she's kind of a big deal. Jerell says it's like an dream come true. Anyway, the assignment is to create a look for Diane's spring line inspired by a Marlene Dietrich movie called A Foreign Affair. Diane becomes the DVD commentary all of a sudden and says that you're initially not sure whether Dietrich is a spy or a singer but she has to get to New York,
The designers get to use Diane's own fabrics (Mood is bullshit and thinking about suing), and the outfit will be sold to American Express members? I knew that would figure in somewhere. Diane will wear it to wander around blankly in cornfields in the the next commercial installment. And the proceeds go to charity.
Jerell is enjoying the sumptuously rich Diane Von Furstenberg fabric. Kenley is STILL CRYING because she wants to win this one so bad. Stella's obviously like "where's the leatha? Does Diane Von F*cking Furstenberg have any leatha?" She's also so wan and weak from being a goth grandma that she can't physically pull out bolts of fabric. Tim Gunn gives her an eye roll and refuses to help! Well, his bones are brittle! Kenley, who is Bettie Page strong, yanks out fabric for Stella by Starlight.
Fabric is hitting Terri in the face. And she's dragging fireworks and black mohair fabric around. She can make some "sickening" Marlene Dietrich pants. I found my wedding dress, Mother, it's absolutely sickening! Why must we so Jessica Aba on the cover of Elle? I thought Nina got fired?
Did Silent Fashion Assassin buy sweatshirt material? There's a Diane Von Furstenberg look book! Kenley? Still crying. A lot of the designers are going for three piece outfits. "Suede is just focused on what Suede is here to do," Suede says. Eff the corn in the teeth, he's actually like when you're having buffalo wings and then you forget and rub your eyes.
Blayne slyly knocks Terri for making pants again. Something you should know, Suede? Terri's been in the top three almost as many times as you've been in the bottom two. So shut your camel face. Blayne and Joe hate Terri's fireworks fabric. Joe takes the opportunity to knock Terri as well. Eat a dick, Joe. You know you want to despite the two daughters.
Terri is waking around in the pants she made and she's been stricken with camel toe. Why doesn't Korto tell her? Sabotage! Terri and Silent Fashion Assassin sit in the Project Runway lounge and discuss their ensembles with Stella. Stella says that she doesn't want to give away what she's making to Leeanne and Terri. She says it's none of the Assassin's business and she doesn't "trust Terri." I knew Stella had that racist thing going on! She looks too much like Fairuza Balk in American History X! And why is everyone dogpiling on Miss Terri this go-round? Jealous twats.
Korto says she's making a vest, "shoot." HAH! She challenges anyone to top her vest. People are really sweating this Diane Von Furstenberg thing. Dude, she's just going to steal your design and sell it to people who have credit cards. Silent Fashion Assassin says that it's every man for himself right now.
Jerell lets us know what A Foreign Affair is about. Thanks, Jerell. Korto's looking to blow Diane away without using an actual handgun. Stella says that Diane needs to see what HER design aesthetic is. I love Stella like I love fried chicken. A lot. Straight Joe is making an Asian-type dress and I swear to god he just made sounds like "ching, chang, chong" to represent it. You dumb-ass. Margaret Cho needs to roll up, tell him she doesn't own a store or anything, and beat his ass with her midget assistant.
Leeanne has had no foreign affairs but she wants to be a spy - "Secret Agent Leeanimal." I think she just got herself a new name, which is boss because typing "Silent Fashion Assassin" was getting on my nerves. We get some footage of Leeanne running around acting like a douche. We hear that Leeanne would hunt everyone down like an animal. What? Leeanne, get some sleep.
Straight Joe is the bitchiest queen here. He makes a hurling motion when Kenley asks him about her creation. Racist and shady. Not a good mix. Kenley feels that she will stand out by just making a single dress with no jacket or helmet or anything.
Tim thinks Suede chose a bad fabric and if he's making his model look like a piggly wiggly. Suede is going to Bryant Park, Suede tells us. Ok, not so much buffalo sauce in the eye as bamboo shoots under the fingernails in a Vietnamese POW camp. Like Rescue Dawn shit. Tim critiques outfits. He finds that Korto created a yellow bra strap but it is growing on him. Stella didn't watch the movie because she has Marlene Dietrich coming from Paris and not Berlin. Stella says the the judges last round were "clueless" and Stella totally calls out Rachel Zoe which makes me happy because that wretched skeletal bitch DOES wear muumuus and drinks the blood of kittens.
Tim calls Kenley out on not making enough stuff. Is Kenley crying again? She needs to toughen up. The lounge is becoming a big deal this season. Stella is in there eating again! Stella needs her nutrition to look that pale and lethargic. We find out that Kenley has designed for Wal*Mart and K*Mart. SO that was her fault? By the way, we get a Rachel Zoe commercial and she redeems herself by twerkin' a fur vest with huge sungasses. It's very Bananna Splits meets Dandy Warhols. She's totally Witchypoo.
Stella realizes that Diane is not rock n' roll but she's "not listening to anything." I sense that either Stella or Kenley is going home this evening. Ratbones might be coming to collect his leather-panted muse. Morning! It's the day! Diane Day! Please use Bluefly.com accessories thoughtfully, thank you. Send them to your mom with a nice basket of muffins. Tim wants the designers to blow Diane's stillettos off her "staggering" legs. Methinks Tim might have swung the other way at one point and made one of his famous 3 AM mistakes with Di Di Baby.
Terri is missing a shirt for her model. Dude, that is all sorts of bad. Remember when that other chick sent her model out with just a blazer? Yeah. Terri - make a blouse. Stat. Kenley is wearing magenta feathers on her shoulders. Tears must have blinded her while she stood in front of her wardrobe this DIane Day morning. Stella has her model sewing for her. Model sweatshop! Blayne says Suede's dress is yuck. Wait, will he be in trouble? YES!
Straight Joe's model is bone thin. She's a REAL model. Leeanimal finds Joe to be too confident and she's surprised that he's still here. Kenley is worried for Stella. Why isn't she crying over THAT one? Runway show!
Judges! Nina's GONE AGAIN! Fern Mallis? She's the one that does Bryant Park! WHERE IS NINA? Is she ok? Gawdamn! Meana, come back! Blayne feels that Diane was eye-fucking him back at the showroom because she loved his tan. Oh sweet Neverending Story creature Jesus. She was actually just wondering why you look like that. I have to say. I LOVED HIS LOOK. Ugh. Damn.
Dianne hates Straight Joe's open back. He advises his model not to show her back. Kenley keeps interrupting Heidi. HAH! Nervous crazy! Diane mocks Kenley! And Kenley interrupts Heidi again. She's going to beat her ass with a knockwurst. I swear Kenley just talked the judges into liking her ugly dress. Diane calls Stella's design "Dracula"-like which one would imagine would thrill her. But then Stella can't get thrilled. Then Kors brings up Stella's model's nightmare crotch. I bet he's seen a few of those in his day.
Leeanimal might have gotten herself another win. Diane finds that the model's hips are too big. Stop eating, bitch! Kors says that Suede's model looks like she got dressed in the dark. Suede feels that "it's not that bad." Says you. Someone needs to tell Suede to tell Suede about taste. Kenley fought for her dress and Diane liked that. Kors says that Leeanimal's dress was "Ingrid Bergman." Wrong actress, what kind of fag are you?
Diane realizes Suede's model wasn't fat, it was his voluminous dress. Heidi feels that Straight Joe's creation was "a little too Shanghai." I've always suspected she was a Nazi, and now I know. Diane says the back of his garment looked homemade. Home Ec!
It's time. Leeanimal won AGAIN. Damn! A force to be reckoned with. She won with immunity. Kenley's pissed. Good. You didn't make more than one piece! Bettie Page is lazy! It's down to Straight Joe and Stella by Starlight. Is Stella sick of the bottom? Probably, because she's going home. LEATHA NO! Ratbones? Baby, can you hear me? Stella gives Heidi some bullshit about her ego. I'm sobbing. So is Kenley. There's a friggin' surprise. I need something leatha, right now. Stella says that anyone who doesn't like her stuff can keep walking.
Next - Korto turns to Jesus, Terri doesn't want to be called "darling," and Nina is back! Pooping fabric? Didn't that already happen?
Morning! NYC! Again! They should start this show in the nighttime sometimes, during a flash flood. Suede could get washed away. STELLA IN A BRA!!!! She's trying to make coffee! Someone call Ratbones immediately! She never makes coffee at home! The boyfriend wonders if she actually used a filter. I didn't because I hate coffee. I have no idea how to make it or work a machine.
Suede is mad that Keith left and he has three new roommates. Confess - you miss that body. I know I do. Heidi looks like the water pressure in her penthouse wasn't working this morning. A model with Allison's hair bow from Season 2 gets booted. Tim's here! No one cares! They better!
The designers will be designing for a fashion legend. Leeanne the Silent Fashion Assassin is happy she's not designing for TIm. Shut up, bitch! Blayne wants the challenge to be about Mary-Kate Olsen. He wants to marry her. He asks "who doesn't?" Everyone, you Dark Crystal-looking bastard. I don't like trolls who called their security force as opposed to 911 when Heath Ledger was found dead.
Diane Von Furstenberg comes down this HUGE flight of steps. Shit, girl, if this was Airplane - bitch would be rolling down! Terri's like "oh my goodness, it's Diane!" Like she knows her because I don't feel that Diane Von Furstenberg is worthy of first-name recognition. Granted, that American Express commercial where she's stumbling around the forest like the orderlies weren't paying attention is hot, but still.
Kenley is SOBBING over this in her interview. Maybe it is a big deal. Diane should have that on a t-shirt - she's kind of a big deal. Jerell says it's like an dream come true. Anyway, the assignment is to create a look for Diane's spring line inspired by a Marlene Dietrich movie called A Foreign Affair. Diane becomes the DVD commentary all of a sudden and says that you're initially not sure whether Dietrich is a spy or a singer but she has to get to New York,
The designers get to use Diane's own fabrics (Mood is bullshit and thinking about suing), and the outfit will be sold to American Express members? I knew that would figure in somewhere. Diane will wear it to wander around blankly in cornfields in the the next commercial installment. And the proceeds go to charity.
Jerell is enjoying the sumptuously rich Diane Von Furstenberg fabric. Kenley is STILL CRYING because she wants to win this one so bad. Stella's obviously like "where's the leatha? Does Diane Von F*cking Furstenberg have any leatha?" She's also so wan and weak from being a goth grandma that she can't physically pull out bolts of fabric. Tim Gunn gives her an eye roll and refuses to help! Well, his bones are brittle! Kenley, who is Bettie Page strong, yanks out fabric for Stella by Starlight.
Fabric is hitting Terri in the face. And she's dragging fireworks and black mohair fabric around. She can make some "sickening" Marlene Dietrich pants. I found my wedding dress, Mother, it's absolutely sickening! Why must we so Jessica Aba on the cover of Elle? I thought Nina got fired?
Did Silent Fashion Assassin buy sweatshirt material? There's a Diane Von Furstenberg look book! Kenley? Still crying. A lot of the designers are going for three piece outfits. "Suede is just focused on what Suede is here to do," Suede says. Eff the corn in the teeth, he's actually like when you're having buffalo wings and then you forget and rub your eyes.
Blayne slyly knocks Terri for making pants again. Something you should know, Suede? Terri's been in the top three almost as many times as you've been in the bottom two. So shut your camel face. Blayne and Joe hate Terri's fireworks fabric. Joe takes the opportunity to knock Terri as well. Eat a dick, Joe. You know you want to despite the two daughters.
Terri is waking around in the pants she made and she's been stricken with camel toe. Why doesn't Korto tell her? Sabotage! Terri and Silent Fashion Assassin sit in the Project Runway lounge and discuss their ensembles with Stella. Stella says that she doesn't want to give away what she's making to Leeanne and Terri. She says it's none of the Assassin's business and she doesn't "trust Terri." I knew Stella had that racist thing going on! She looks too much like Fairuza Balk in American History X! And why is everyone dogpiling on Miss Terri this go-round? Jealous twats.
Korto says she's making a vest, "shoot." HAH! She challenges anyone to top her vest. People are really sweating this Diane Von Furstenberg thing. Dude, she's just going to steal your design and sell it to people who have credit cards. Silent Fashion Assassin says that it's every man for himself right now.
Jerell lets us know what A Foreign Affair is about. Thanks, Jerell. Korto's looking to blow Diane away without using an actual handgun. Stella says that Diane needs to see what HER design aesthetic is. I love Stella like I love fried chicken. A lot. Straight Joe is making an Asian-type dress and I swear to god he just made sounds like "ching, chang, chong" to represent it. You dumb-ass. Margaret Cho needs to roll up, tell him she doesn't own a store or anything, and beat his ass with her midget assistant.
Leeanne has had no foreign affairs but she wants to be a spy - "Secret Agent Leeanimal." I think she just got herself a new name, which is boss because typing "Silent Fashion Assassin" was getting on my nerves. We get some footage of Leeanne running around acting like a douche. We hear that Leeanne would hunt everyone down like an animal. What? Leeanne, get some sleep.
Straight Joe is the bitchiest queen here. He makes a hurling motion when Kenley asks him about her creation. Racist and shady. Not a good mix. Kenley feels that she will stand out by just making a single dress with no jacket or helmet or anything.
Tim thinks Suede chose a bad fabric and if he's making his model look like a piggly wiggly. Suede is going to Bryant Park, Suede tells us. Ok, not so much buffalo sauce in the eye as bamboo shoots under the fingernails in a Vietnamese POW camp. Like Rescue Dawn shit. Tim critiques outfits. He finds that Korto created a yellow bra strap but it is growing on him. Stella didn't watch the movie because she has Marlene Dietrich coming from Paris and not Berlin. Stella says the the judges last round were "clueless" and Stella totally calls out Rachel Zoe which makes me happy because that wretched skeletal bitch DOES wear muumuus and drinks the blood of kittens.
Tim calls Kenley out on not making enough stuff. Is Kenley crying again? She needs to toughen up. The lounge is becoming a big deal this season. Stella is in there eating again! Stella needs her nutrition to look that pale and lethargic. We find out that Kenley has designed for Wal*Mart and K*Mart. SO that was her fault? By the way, we get a Rachel Zoe commercial and she redeems herself by twerkin' a fur vest with huge sungasses. It's very Bananna Splits meets Dandy Warhols. She's totally Witchypoo.
Stella realizes that Diane is not rock n' roll but she's "not listening to anything." I sense that either Stella or Kenley is going home this evening. Ratbones might be coming to collect his leather-panted muse. Morning! It's the day! Diane Day! Please use Bluefly.com accessories thoughtfully, thank you. Send them to your mom with a nice basket of muffins. Tim wants the designers to blow Diane's stillettos off her "staggering" legs. Methinks Tim might have swung the other way at one point and made one of his famous 3 AM mistakes with Di Di Baby.
Terri is missing a shirt for her model. Dude, that is all sorts of bad. Remember when that other chick sent her model out with just a blazer? Yeah. Terri - make a blouse. Stat. Kenley is wearing magenta feathers on her shoulders. Tears must have blinded her while she stood in front of her wardrobe this DIane Day morning. Stella has her model sewing for her. Model sweatshop! Blayne says Suede's dress is yuck. Wait, will he be in trouble? YES!
Straight Joe's model is bone thin. She's a REAL model. Leeanimal finds Joe to be too confident and she's surprised that he's still here. Kenley is worried for Stella. Why isn't she crying over THAT one? Runway show!
Judges! Nina's GONE AGAIN! Fern Mallis? She's the one that does Bryant Park! WHERE IS NINA? Is she ok? Gawdamn! Meana, come back! Blayne feels that Diane was eye-fucking him back at the showroom because she loved his tan. Oh sweet Neverending Story creature Jesus. She was actually just wondering why you look like that. I have to say. I LOVED HIS LOOK. Ugh. Damn.
Dianne hates Straight Joe's open back. He advises his model not to show her back. Kenley keeps interrupting Heidi. HAH! Nervous crazy! Diane mocks Kenley! And Kenley interrupts Heidi again. She's going to beat her ass with a knockwurst. I swear Kenley just talked the judges into liking her ugly dress. Diane calls Stella's design "Dracula"-like which one would imagine would thrill her. But then Stella can't get thrilled. Then Kors brings up Stella's model's nightmare crotch. I bet he's seen a few of those in his day.
Leeanimal might have gotten herself another win. Diane finds that the model's hips are too big. Stop eating, bitch! Kors says that Suede's model looks like she got dressed in the dark. Suede feels that "it's not that bad." Says you. Someone needs to tell Suede to tell Suede about taste. Kenley fought for her dress and Diane liked that. Kors says that Leeanimal's dress was "Ingrid Bergman." Wrong actress, what kind of fag are you?
Diane realizes Suede's model wasn't fat, it was his voluminous dress. Heidi feels that Straight Joe's creation was "a little too Shanghai." I've always suspected she was a Nazi, and now I know. Diane says the back of his garment looked homemade. Home Ec!
It's time. Leeanimal won AGAIN. Damn! A force to be reckoned with. She won with immunity. Kenley's pissed. Good. You didn't make more than one piece! Bettie Page is lazy! It's down to Straight Joe and Stella by Starlight. Is Stella sick of the bottom? Probably, because she's going home. LEATHA NO! Ratbones? Baby, can you hear me? Stella gives Heidi some bullshit about her ego. I'm sobbing. So is Kenley. There's a friggin' surprise. I need something leatha, right now. Stella says that anyone who doesn't like her stuff can keep walking.
Next - Korto turns to Jesus, Terri doesn't want to be called "darling," and Nina is back! Pooping fabric? Didn't that already happen?
slutty slutty slutty says:
HAhahaahhAHah Love your recaps J. And I hope you'll be recapping the new ANTM alpha-beta-mess!!
NicoleD says:
Oh my God...I look forward to your recaps each week but this one is gold! "Oh sweet Neverending Story creature Jesus." I have not laughed so hard in ages!!!
NicoleD says:
Oh my God...I look forward to your recaps each week but this one is gold! "Oh sweet Neverending Story creature Jesus." I have not laughed so hard in ages!!!
NicoleD says:
Oh my God...I look forward to your recaps each week but this one is gold! "Oh sweet Neverending Story creature Jesus." I have not laughed so hard in ages!!!