Previously - Designers genuflected and wept before Diane Von Furstenberg. And they took my Stella by Starlight home. Prepare to be bored for the rest of this bullshit.
Lady Day opens her eyes and smiles upon the city. If I see that Elle cover with Mary-Kate Olsen one more time, I'm writing a letter. Terri admits that she won't miss Stella so she's on my shitlist now.
Suede lets Suede tell Blayne that he had a dream about dresses made out of Pop-Tarts. Even his dreams make you want to scald yourself with boiling water. It's weird to see Kenley before she gets her Bettie Page on. She looks like you average chick and it's nice to see her artifice stripped away. But she ruins it by saying she feels like one of the best. Honestly, that dress she made looked like if Mood was going out of business and that was the rest bolt of fabric left and even the blind seamstress customer doesn't want it.
Heidi's here with slicked hair. She's really triking. Model Carolyn obviously thought she was in, so she didn't bother combing her tresses. Models are saying bye-bye to effort, lately. Suede gives us air quotes when Heidi says that she has "special guests." I hope he uses a cigar cutter someday and those fingers go bye-bye. Ok, cigar cutters would probably only be able to take out one finger at a time but maybe he's that stupid.
It's all the designers that have already been kicked off. STELLA HAS BEEN SAVED! Well, at least for this moment. Terri must be doing some serious menopausin' today because she's bitching that "when it's over, it's over." Terri, please do not ruin you chances with me. Because the same thing goes for me when I'm over you as one of my favorites.
So each designer has to work with a kicked-off designer to design an "avant-garde" look. Oh, there is some opportunity for sabotage here! Kenley looks thrilled as does the Asian man who got booted off in the first episode this season for making his model looking like Patrick Bateman pre-blood spatter.
Jerell says that he finds it easy to just pull something avant-garde out of his ass. Wow. What's he been eating? I've heard Gaultier uses the same techinique. He keeps a special toilet. Kenley is bitching, and I hope she gets paired with Keith. Because they didn't *heart* each other exactly and she needs to be annoyed with tatters and fringe more.
The designers meet up with Tim in the workroom, and he lets them know that they will be designing oufits based on one member of the team's astrological symbol. That's really dumb, and is Lifetime already runnin' this game? Are the writers of Army Wives moonlighting here already? Straight Joe is happy to have some direction, despite the challenge sounding like something that would have taken place on this show if it was set in the late 1970s at a fern bar.
Joe feels that avant-garde could be anything including making a sock to put over his head. How about in your mouth? Siddown. Korto's with Kelly. Kenley's with Wesley and Daniel is pissed. They've been screwing since they were reunited. Leeanimal's with Emily who has a beret and I barely remember her. Blayne's with Stella. Terri is paired with Keith, despite Terri feeling like she's screwed. Jerell's with that girl with the teeth. And Suede gets America Psycho Jerry.
The challenge has two days, and they have to caucus now. I love Tim when he uses words like "caucus." Stella teaches Blayne about Libras - how they love, how they move, what they believe in. Aquarius is an air sign? Really? Bad Taste Daniel is here, assisting Straight Joe with how to have bad taste but insist it's good. Kenley says that Wesley takes direction really. Well, yeah, he's like 18 and you're a bitch.
Terri feels that Keith can't take direction for their Leo outfit, and Keith feels that Terri is creating a costume directed by Julie Taymor. Mood must still be resentful that that slut Diane Von Furstenberg bumped them on providing materials last round.
Suede and Jerry are designing a "halter jumpsuit." Then they're going to wear it to the community center to play Centipede and gush over Rick Springfield's new video.Terri feels that Keith's skill level isn't up to par, and he tells her that he's fragile and not to fight with him. Oh, you know what? You didn't get a death sentence, dude. You designed a couple of nasties and got bounced. Plus, you won a challenge, didn't you? Gather yourself. You're here to help Terri, not to create static. Granted, she's acting like a bitch but maybe she saw her portfolio and realized she made some UUGGGGLLLYYY clothes before she came up here.
Terri says that Keith can count the pins that fall on the floor. She's cold, yo. American Psycho Jerry says that he's won awards for avant-garde design in the past. Yes, John Wayne Gacy sent him a special painting from prison for the striking boiler suit he created to murder teenage boys in. Kenley says Aquarius is strong and progressive like she is. Kenley, shut your Bettie Page mouth and save it for Suicide Girls. Leeanimal says that Kenley is working her nerves with her over-confidence.
Kenley notes that Leeanimal and the chick with the beret are openly registering their annoyance with her. She says she's just having fun, and some girls don't like that. Yes, you're the wildest novice at the convent school, Kenley. You're Sister Act. Stop.
Tim's here to guide. Tim has no clue what Blayne and Stella are doing but they're an amusing possible road movie team, so he lets it go. There's leatha involved, trust. Leeanimal is making an exoskeleton! I love that! It's like the army commissioned it and someone might steal the blueprints for it if they're not careful! Kenley is designing a big costume and Tim Gunn calls it "Glinda" and Kenley is up in arms. ALWAYS LISTEN TO TIM. Wesley feels that she's screwed and he's not nervous because he has a man and he's already secured an internship at a design house somewhere.
Terri and Keith huddle in their corner of dysfunction and Tim brings up their relationships and no one speaks. Then Keith voices his opinion that he wanted to go a different way and Terri says that it's the first feedback she's gotten from him and he was previously all for it. And Keith denies that he was all for it. This should work out well on the runway. Oh, and Terri doesn't want Keith calling her "darling." Neither would I. That basically translates as "stupid bitch," doesn't it? And Day One ends on that note.
Wesley's ironing his clothes topless again! I missed that! I wonder if Daniel likes that. The designers receive notes about what's happening with this challenge. Which means that it must have been decided at the last minute by the writers. They're going to show off their designs at some party? And TWO designers are out at the end of this one? What? Why? Are they shortening the season or did they move Fashion Week up or something?
Stella totally does it for me. She says she's worried about Blayne losing and I love that. That's how it's supposed to be. Take notes, Keith, you maudlin slab of marbled beef. Some of these dresses look extreme. Terri and Keith are still acting like your parents right before Dad left with his male assistant. Keith says he's not going to stand there like a fool, so he adjourns to the lounge to ridicule her dress.
Korto and Blayne have both fashioned their themselves headbands! Tim comes in to announce that immunity is over. Good luck! Kenely feels like she's got the challenge in the bag. By the way, she has giant turkey baster shaped sleeves. So it brings to mind lesbian pregnacy but I'm not sure Kors and Nina are into that.
Ooh, party time! Blayne just wants to drink and enjoy the Planeterium. There's a ton of previous designers there like Christian, Jay (ugh), Daniel Vosovic, Allison (who looks GORGEOUS), Carmen who sent the guy out without a shirt, Kara Janx of the cutting and crying, some dude named Robert who's cute but I have no clue where he's from.
The past designers are picking the winner? Oh, this should be catty. Heidi smacks an uppity Kenley down about her model's tit placement. Handsome guy Robert drifts in the backround, obviously gearing up to ask Heidi for a PA job on the show. Kenley says she will set Heidi straight. Allison LOVES Leeanimal's exoskeleton. Keith notes that Terri won't even speak to him. Then maybe it's time for a bus back to Utah! Damn! Go have free champagne! Cristian tells Terri to lose the giant fur collar. What's funny is that Carmen is a judge and this bitch wasn't even hot when she was on.
These designers don't appear to have any fear of Heidi, as Blayne gets champed up and tells her to think out of the box. Kara Janx tells Straight Joe and Bad Taste Daniel that their garment is a "pillar of fire and strength" and Daniel goes "wooowww, that's so poetic" and if he's being sarcastic, I love him. He's probably not because he's sort of a bore. Jay McCarroll would be so hot if he wouldn't speak ever. Cristian is drunk while he votes. AWESOME.
Terri nixes his fur collar because of Cristian's say-so. Well, she picked the right dude to listen to. Keith goes and naps. I hope he pulls a freakout on the runway and Terri slaps him off the stage. Suede has actually combed his faux-hawk down and it looks...better? Kenley is mad at Heidi for not understanding her model's flat chest.
Why is Stella hammering? What is she hammering? Suede says that it makes Suede really sad that two people are going home, tonight. Can Suede and Suede go home, then? Tim rouses Keith from his nap, and stands there until the muthaf*cka wakes up!
Runway show! Why is Jerell dressed like he works at Jafar's Bazarr? Heidi says she chose some of her favorite designers from the past. Nina? Some random dude from Calvin Klein is here who doesn't open his mouth when he speaks. Calvin Klein's head ventriloquist! He should have a weathered but trim bisexual puppet on his lap.
Kenley's model walks like she's Klaus Nomi. And she looks like him, too. Wesley notes that she missed the memo on what the challenge was about. A lot of these designs look like costumes. Keith says Terri's design looks cheap and her aeshetic is questionable.
So the bottom scorers are Terri, Kenley, Suede and Kenley. Two of them are out. Kors brings out the "pooping fabric" gauche statement that's already been used. Kors notes that Keith and Terri's signs go together and they try to stop from laughing in his face. People who say that sign bullshit should be laughed at. Please. No one goes well together based on their damn birth date. Stop.
Terri and Keith flip out on each other on the runway. Kors calls their outfit "voodoo princess in hell" and THE MODEL CRACKS UP. You know she felt that way, too. Terri's ready to bust out her brass knuckles on the judges. Kenley starts yelling at Nina Garcia, when Nina dares to comment that she doesn't see how it's Aquarius. Wesley kinda smirks to himself because he's been seeing that all along when he wasn't busy ironing.
Kenley's ready to cry, but when Kors picks out which designers influenced her outfit she insists that "I don't look at collections." Ever? Really? Shouldn't you? Kors finally tells her to shut her face and explains what avant-garde is. Bettie Page needs to shut her yap before someone gets out of their director's chair. Suede tells the judges that Suede and Jerry chose Libra. Suede and American Psycho Jerry opt not to scream at the judges ala Kenley when they get the bad news.
"Oooh, that's bad," Heidi breathes during judge-klatch when Kors and CK ventriloquist refer to Blayne's design as a joke. The editors cut to a shot of Blayne sleeping or maybe dead to illustrate how powerful their critiques are. Kors points out that Kenley's full of shit for saying she doesn't look at other designers. Terri gets castigated for not playing well with sad clowns. And Kors mocks Suede's third person "self delusion" bullshit. Oh, Michael Kors, I love you. Come away with me to faraway and we can tear away all the deceit.
This crop of designers IS really puffed-up and a little too in awe of themselves. No one seems like they're honored to be here. They're playing like their old hands at this game, and that jaded quality is wearing on me. We're lacking some quality this season.
Jerell won the challenge. And I gotta say, though I thought the jacket sucked - the top and the skirt worked for me. Tim Gunn isn't ALWAYS right. Kenley's in? Oh, screw her. Well, Blayne's definitely going home. But will it be Terri or Suede? Terri is still shaking her head at the judges. HAH! She will not be cowed! Blayne feels slapped in the face, and he's baffled. Really? She had fabric coming out of her ass, and leather straps over a 1930s bathin costume. Baffled? Terri's out? REALLY? I f*cking blame Keith. She's been in the top for a ton of challenges. I'm nervous she might start kicking people and clawing at faces.
Keith is off to side, looking triumpant. Everyone's crying. Not over Terri. She says people will hear from her. Blayne loves their faces and he's about to rule the world. Fake tanning for everyone!
Next - Sexy teacher dresses, Kenley is messy, and Kors is having a moment.
Lady Day opens her eyes and smiles upon the city. If I see that Elle cover with Mary-Kate Olsen one more time, I'm writing a letter. Terri admits that she won't miss Stella so she's on my shitlist now.
Suede lets Suede tell Blayne that he had a dream about dresses made out of Pop-Tarts. Even his dreams make you want to scald yourself with boiling water. It's weird to see Kenley before she gets her Bettie Page on. She looks like you average chick and it's nice to see her artifice stripped away. But she ruins it by saying she feels like one of the best. Honestly, that dress she made looked like if Mood was going out of business and that was the rest bolt of fabric left and even the blind seamstress customer doesn't want it.
Heidi's here with slicked hair. She's really triking. Model Carolyn obviously thought she was in, so she didn't bother combing her tresses. Models are saying bye-bye to effort, lately. Suede gives us air quotes when Heidi says that she has "special guests." I hope he uses a cigar cutter someday and those fingers go bye-bye. Ok, cigar cutters would probably only be able to take out one finger at a time but maybe he's that stupid.
It's all the designers that have already been kicked off. STELLA HAS BEEN SAVED! Well, at least for this moment. Terri must be doing some serious menopausin' today because she's bitching that "when it's over, it's over." Terri, please do not ruin you chances with me. Because the same thing goes for me when I'm over you as one of my favorites.
So each designer has to work with a kicked-off designer to design an "avant-garde" look. Oh, there is some opportunity for sabotage here! Kenley looks thrilled as does the Asian man who got booted off in the first episode this season for making his model looking like Patrick Bateman pre-blood spatter.
Jerell says that he finds it easy to just pull something avant-garde out of his ass. Wow. What's he been eating? I've heard Gaultier uses the same techinique. He keeps a special toilet. Kenley is bitching, and I hope she gets paired with Keith. Because they didn't *heart* each other exactly and she needs to be annoyed with tatters and fringe more.
The designers meet up with Tim in the workroom, and he lets them know that they will be designing oufits based on one member of the team's astrological symbol. That's really dumb, and is Lifetime already runnin' this game? Are the writers of Army Wives moonlighting here already? Straight Joe is happy to have some direction, despite the challenge sounding like something that would have taken place on this show if it was set in the late 1970s at a fern bar.
Joe feels that avant-garde could be anything including making a sock to put over his head. How about in your mouth? Siddown. Korto's with Kelly. Kenley's with Wesley and Daniel is pissed. They've been screwing since they were reunited. Leeanimal's with Emily who has a beret and I barely remember her. Blayne's with Stella. Terri is paired with Keith, despite Terri feeling like she's screwed. Jerell's with that girl with the teeth. And Suede gets America Psycho Jerry.
The challenge has two days, and they have to caucus now. I love Tim when he uses words like "caucus." Stella teaches Blayne about Libras - how they love, how they move, what they believe in. Aquarius is an air sign? Really? Bad Taste Daniel is here, assisting Straight Joe with how to have bad taste but insist it's good. Kenley says that Wesley takes direction really. Well, yeah, he's like 18 and you're a bitch.
Terri feels that Keith can't take direction for their Leo outfit, and Keith feels that Terri is creating a costume directed by Julie Taymor. Mood must still be resentful that that slut Diane Von Furstenberg bumped them on providing materials last round.
Suede and Jerry are designing a "halter jumpsuit." Then they're going to wear it to the community center to play Centipede and gush over Rick Springfield's new video.Terri feels that Keith's skill level isn't up to par, and he tells her that he's fragile and not to fight with him. Oh, you know what? You didn't get a death sentence, dude. You designed a couple of nasties and got bounced. Plus, you won a challenge, didn't you? Gather yourself. You're here to help Terri, not to create static. Granted, she's acting like a bitch but maybe she saw her portfolio and realized she made some UUGGGGLLLYYY clothes before she came up here.
Terri says that Keith can count the pins that fall on the floor. She's cold, yo. American Psycho Jerry says that he's won awards for avant-garde design in the past. Yes, John Wayne Gacy sent him a special painting from prison for the striking boiler suit he created to murder teenage boys in. Kenley says Aquarius is strong and progressive like she is. Kenley, shut your Bettie Page mouth and save it for Suicide Girls. Leeanimal says that Kenley is working her nerves with her over-confidence.
Kenley notes that Leeanimal and the chick with the beret are openly registering their annoyance with her. She says she's just having fun, and some girls don't like that. Yes, you're the wildest novice at the convent school, Kenley. You're Sister Act. Stop.
Tim's here to guide. Tim has no clue what Blayne and Stella are doing but they're an amusing possible road movie team, so he lets it go. There's leatha involved, trust. Leeanimal is making an exoskeleton! I love that! It's like the army commissioned it and someone might steal the blueprints for it if they're not careful! Kenley is designing a big costume and Tim Gunn calls it "Glinda" and Kenley is up in arms. ALWAYS LISTEN TO TIM. Wesley feels that she's screwed and he's not nervous because he has a man and he's already secured an internship at a design house somewhere.
Terri and Keith huddle in their corner of dysfunction and Tim brings up their relationships and no one speaks. Then Keith voices his opinion that he wanted to go a different way and Terri says that it's the first feedback she's gotten from him and he was previously all for it. And Keith denies that he was all for it. This should work out well on the runway. Oh, and Terri doesn't want Keith calling her "darling." Neither would I. That basically translates as "stupid bitch," doesn't it? And Day One ends on that note.
Wesley's ironing his clothes topless again! I missed that! I wonder if Daniel likes that. The designers receive notes about what's happening with this challenge. Which means that it must have been decided at the last minute by the writers. They're going to show off their designs at some party? And TWO designers are out at the end of this one? What? Why? Are they shortening the season or did they move Fashion Week up or something?
Stella totally does it for me. She says she's worried about Blayne losing and I love that. That's how it's supposed to be. Take notes, Keith, you maudlin slab of marbled beef. Some of these dresses look extreme. Terri and Keith are still acting like your parents right before Dad left with his male assistant. Keith says he's not going to stand there like a fool, so he adjourns to the lounge to ridicule her dress.
Korto and Blayne have both fashioned their themselves headbands! Tim comes in to announce that immunity is over. Good luck! Kenely feels like she's got the challenge in the bag. By the way, she has giant turkey baster shaped sleeves. So it brings to mind lesbian pregnacy but I'm not sure Kors and Nina are into that.
Ooh, party time! Blayne just wants to drink and enjoy the Planeterium. There's a ton of previous designers there like Christian, Jay (ugh), Daniel Vosovic, Allison (who looks GORGEOUS), Carmen who sent the guy out without a shirt, Kara Janx of the cutting and crying, some dude named Robert who's cute but I have no clue where he's from.
The past designers are picking the winner? Oh, this should be catty. Heidi smacks an uppity Kenley down about her model's tit placement. Handsome guy Robert drifts in the backround, obviously gearing up to ask Heidi for a PA job on the show. Kenley says she will set Heidi straight. Allison LOVES Leeanimal's exoskeleton. Keith notes that Terri won't even speak to him. Then maybe it's time for a bus back to Utah! Damn! Go have free champagne! Cristian tells Terri to lose the giant fur collar. What's funny is that Carmen is a judge and this bitch wasn't even hot when she was on.
These designers don't appear to have any fear of Heidi, as Blayne gets champed up and tells her to think out of the box. Kara Janx tells Straight Joe and Bad Taste Daniel that their garment is a "pillar of fire and strength" and Daniel goes "wooowww, that's so poetic" and if he's being sarcastic, I love him. He's probably not because he's sort of a bore. Jay McCarroll would be so hot if he wouldn't speak ever. Cristian is drunk while he votes. AWESOME.
Terri nixes his fur collar because of Cristian's say-so. Well, she picked the right dude to listen to. Keith goes and naps. I hope he pulls a freakout on the runway and Terri slaps him off the stage. Suede has actually combed his faux-hawk down and it looks...better? Kenley is mad at Heidi for not understanding her model's flat chest.
Why is Stella hammering? What is she hammering? Suede says that it makes Suede really sad that two people are going home, tonight. Can Suede and Suede go home, then? Tim rouses Keith from his nap, and stands there until the muthaf*cka wakes up!
Runway show! Why is Jerell dressed like he works at Jafar's Bazarr? Heidi says she chose some of her favorite designers from the past. Nina? Some random dude from Calvin Klein is here who doesn't open his mouth when he speaks. Calvin Klein's head ventriloquist! He should have a weathered but trim bisexual puppet on his lap.
Kenley's model walks like she's Klaus Nomi. And she looks like him, too. Wesley notes that she missed the memo on what the challenge was about. A lot of these designs look like costumes. Keith says Terri's design looks cheap and her aeshetic is questionable.
So the bottom scorers are Terri, Kenley, Suede and Kenley. Two of them are out. Kors brings out the "pooping fabric" gauche statement that's already been used. Kors notes that Keith and Terri's signs go together and they try to stop from laughing in his face. People who say that sign bullshit should be laughed at. Please. No one goes well together based on their damn birth date. Stop.
Terri and Keith flip out on each other on the runway. Kors calls their outfit "voodoo princess in hell" and THE MODEL CRACKS UP. You know she felt that way, too. Terri's ready to bust out her brass knuckles on the judges. Kenley starts yelling at Nina Garcia, when Nina dares to comment that she doesn't see how it's Aquarius. Wesley kinda smirks to himself because he's been seeing that all along when he wasn't busy ironing.
Kenley's ready to cry, but when Kors picks out which designers influenced her outfit she insists that "I don't look at collections." Ever? Really? Shouldn't you? Kors finally tells her to shut her face and explains what avant-garde is. Bettie Page needs to shut her yap before someone gets out of their director's chair. Suede tells the judges that Suede and Jerry chose Libra. Suede and American Psycho Jerry opt not to scream at the judges ala Kenley when they get the bad news.
"Oooh, that's bad," Heidi breathes during judge-klatch when Kors and CK ventriloquist refer to Blayne's design as a joke. The editors cut to a shot of Blayne sleeping or maybe dead to illustrate how powerful their critiques are. Kors points out that Kenley's full of shit for saying she doesn't look at other designers. Terri gets castigated for not playing well with sad clowns. And Kors mocks Suede's third person "self delusion" bullshit. Oh, Michael Kors, I love you. Come away with me to faraway and we can tear away all the deceit.
This crop of designers IS really puffed-up and a little too in awe of themselves. No one seems like they're honored to be here. They're playing like their old hands at this game, and that jaded quality is wearing on me. We're lacking some quality this season.
Jerell won the challenge. And I gotta say, though I thought the jacket sucked - the top and the skirt worked for me. Tim Gunn isn't ALWAYS right. Kenley's in? Oh, screw her. Well, Blayne's definitely going home. But will it be Terri or Suede? Terri is still shaking her head at the judges. HAH! She will not be cowed! Blayne feels slapped in the face, and he's baffled. Really? She had fabric coming out of her ass, and leather straps over a 1930s bathin costume. Baffled? Terri's out? REALLY? I f*cking blame Keith. She's been in the top for a ton of challenges. I'm nervous she might start kicking people and clawing at faces.
Keith is off to side, looking triumpant. Everyone's crying. Not over Terri. She says people will hear from her. Blayne loves their faces and he's about to rule the world. Fake tanning for everyone!
Next - Sexy teacher dresses, Kenley is messy, and Kors is having a moment.
dajoro says:
I was shocked that Terry got booted. I liked her dress. Kenley's looked like Minnie Mouse when I drop acid. Bitch should be home by now.
crackho says:
Tim Gunn IS always right. He said Jerell dress would either win or be the worst. Yea for Tim!
P.S. Keith is hot for a douche.
OC Trophy Wife says:
Robert looked good with short hair. J - imagine Robert with a raggedy ponytail. He was the straight guy from the first season. He tried to do a flip on some scaffolding and hit his head on the pavement. He was trying to impress one of the pretty designers.
Skep says:
J, you nailed it. Is there really anyone to root for this season?
robin m. says:
"We're lacking quality this season." I could not have said it better myself. Also, I find everyone except maybe Blayne and Stella to be utterly forgettable. I didn't remember half the people eliminated until they showed up on this episode.