Project Runway: Stop Crying

Previously - The drama intensified in ProjRun's sleepiest season, yet.  Kenley is the worst. If this was the Legion of Doom, she'd totally be Lex Luthor. No, I'm giving her too much credit. She'd be Solomon Grundy. Oh, and Suede had to leave. Hopefully Suede will be able to pick Suede up at the airport.

It's down to the knife edge of panic right now! We're down to four.  Two ladies, one gay, and a freckled My Pet Monster. Korto says she's 33, with a baby and a husband and she's the oldest. Christ, I'm older than her and she's acting like she's Georgie O'Keefe.

Leeanimal is talking in a slow, druggy tone like Kenly might have put luudes in her Mochachino. She voice-overs that Kenley should have gone home because she's Bettie Page with sand in her vagina and it's made her into an evil troll.

Kenley isn't talking to her, because Leeanimal didn't sell her outfit on the runway. She says she made it look like a "fool's outfit." Honey, that wasn't Leeanimal who put the bunch in the crotch. Jerell feels lonely, so he's made representations of past designers out of fruit. They were already fruity to begin with.

Heidi's here, rocking some leopard, and wants to split up some models. There's two. One is outta there to head to the nearest brassiere to smoke outside and wait for a shoulder to cry on. The designers go on a field trip. We get the usual "where are we going?" Jerell thinks Hedda Lettuce is their new client. I wish!

The designers head to the New York Botanical Gardens. It's lovely. I think we need to go. Kenley feels like it's Oz. And guess who the wizard is? That bald queen Collier Strong. He's the leatherdaddy Loreal guy. Apparently he comes here to get ideas for face paint. The designers have to use a flower as the muse for an evening gown.

Jerelle finds a purple rose not in Cairo and he clicks on it. Leeanimal is more focused on the bees that are attacking her. Oh christ, her throat will close up! Kenley will have to give her a tracheotomy. Korto flows through the garden which reminds her of Africa. She's gonna win this one for her Momma. I think I would like Korto's momma if she's as droll and depressed as Korto. Korto doesn't smile much and I like that.

Kenley grabs some sort of fuschia scales. Uh. That's one gay snake. Tim makes Jerell rethink his yellow. LISTEN TO TIM. THAT'S THE DAMN KEY, KENLEY. The designers get back. Korto is making it lacey, with orange. Korto, I'm going to trust you on this one. You make your Momma's garden now.

Kenley is missing a Mood bag. She's also missing a personal editor. She says she's going to kill herself because she's missing her tulle. Me, too. I lost mine one time and I had to call a hotline. Jerell has tulle. But he ain't giving it up. Korto isn't either. Korto finds that Kenley is ugly because of her attitude.

It's morning and Kenley's in a snit because she discovered her tulle is missing. I keep thinking she's saying "tool" and there must be a sex shop down the street for a replacement. She doesn't to talk to the other deisgners because of her missing tulle. They should pray that tulle stays missing.

Jerell denies Kenley her tulle. Sorry, his. Tim lets her go back. Kenley is relieve, kind of like when that damn hamster finally died. She hated that thing and her parents made her get it and how did it live so long without food or water!

The designers are thinking how they have to win this one and they have to go to Bryant Park. Leeanimal has strapped her head down with some yellow bands. Jerell isn't appreciating Kenley's scales. The ones on her dress, not the ones on her personality.

Collier Strong is back to shine. Wait, all the designers have a yellow band on. Is it a statement against the war? So they came together on one thing. Jerell professes his love for Collier. He wants to shine Collier's head with his asscheeks. Collier loves Korto's orange lacey sparkle. He's kind of the only one. We'll see.

Korto throws Jerell the deuces and he's actually making her laugh. Kenley says she is by herself. She says she's had to deal with it her entire life. She doesn't know why. Wow, maybe it's your personality and constantly being rude to people and evil? Do you recall laughing at people on the runway who were sent home? Don't give me this misunderstood artist bullshit, because having respect for people (or even just a little tact) goes a long way.

Kenley leaves for Mood. We find out that Kenley's Dad was a tugboat captain and she lived on the water. She gets her tulle and leaves. Is she wearing a boxing mouthpiece in one of those photos or was that some jacked up headgear?

Tim shows up and Korto's lace is bothering his ass. I would ditch it. Kenley hangs on her dress form and proclaims "I love the dresssss..." Tim tells Kenley that her dress is oceanic but not botanical. Kenley is complimented when she hears that her dress looks like scales. Girl is deluded.

Tim is seeing Hello Dolly on Leeanimal's dress. HAH! Barbra and Carol Channing are out judges this week, thankfully! Tim takes a moment to tell them that he's proud of them. Awww. This is why you give Tim respect. Because he cares! Keeanimal starts crying. Bryant Park has been her dream since she was 12.

Everyone is crying this episode. Maybe Straight Joe should have stuck around. Korto is praying over her religious book of choice. It's like the Rapture is coming. Korto wishes the other girls luck. Finishing up time is here. Models show up! Kenley doesn't like what any of the other designers do. She has insults for all of them. THis is just in case you felt sorry for her for having to live on a tugboat.

Kenley shoved some blue draping on the ass of her dress. Why? No one's dresses are finished. Yikes. Haven't these people learned to sew quickly by now? The guest judge this week is the impossibly beautiful Georgina from Marchesa. How are you impossibly beautiful AND a huge designer. Actually, it probably helped that she's hot.

Here are the clothes. Korto's dress looks hot but the "janky" lace and other trimmings look blech. Leeanimal's lilac dress has some awesome construction but why the blue Hello Dolly tail? Barbra and Carol Channing aren't actually here to appreciate it. Jerell's dress is hanging off his model's boobs. I'm about to see nipple. And Kenley's? Straight up Smaug. She should be on a pile of treasure and breathing fire on dwarves.

Next up is the most ferocious judging I've ever seen on this show. EVERYONE gets their turn to sob. Kenley SNAPS at Heidi by saying "I wasn't going for ELEGANT, Heidi!" Heidi, to her credit, doesn't snap back but does mention to Kors that Kenley's attitude is annoying. Heidi even points out her eye rolling, and Kenley reverts to little girl I-don't-know-what-you-mean pose. Heidi is a lady and leaves it at that but we can see in her eyes that she's got Kenley's number.  If I was Heidi, I would have probably popped off on her. How this girl hasn't set off the wrong crazy and gotten an open-handed slap across the freckles is beyond me. Korto is crying and daubing her eyes with tears.

Then designers get the worst question. Who should stay and who should go? What do you think they said? Everyone votes for Kenley. She votes for Korot. Jerell and Kenley get into it, and he tells her to wait a moment so he can finish tearing her ass down. It's tense. Even the judges feel the tension. Though, Nina Garcia gives some of her best looks this time. From her "I'm done with you" look to "you've GAWT to be joking" look, they're all there.

Designers retire to the backroom, wherein Kenley cries and Korto calls her out for "dogging me out." In Freckle Monster's defense, she did just hear from three people how much she sucks. Kenley shuts up because she knows Korto is on edge and won't hesitate to throw her through a wall. Wife and mother maybe, but she doesn't brook any bullshit.

I'm intrigued, because the judges note that the work was eh. And it was. All season, really. Season Five will go down as the season in which the contestants were...kind of phoning it in because they thought cause they were chosen to be on the show, that they had it in the bag.

So anyway, Heidi acknowledges that this judging was extra tough. So ALL FOUR are staying. Didn't his already happen? Anyone, no one is leaving yet. I kinda hate that. Maybe because it means I have another week of Kenley. Oh, she refuses the group hug. And says she wants to beat the other designers "into the ground."

Next - No one likes Kenley, Korto made some vaginas, and yes, someone is out.