Previously - Marjorie is awkward and has low self-esteem because that's what French people do. Clark's bigot ass got sent home. Pancakes! Samantha! Salad! Samantha is holding forth on her views about parenting. I think she's more suited to give us her views on Fall Out Boy and iCarly. Elina lets us know that she came here when she was eight and her mom's kind of strict. I love when Elina's Tribble is allowed to get all poofy and wavy and she looks like a religious fanatic when she interviews.
Lauren Brie Cheese is cleaning up trash and she thinks she's going home. Everyone's trying to assure her that she's not but her thousand-yard albino stare isn't having it. She did have a messed up photoshoot last time but did she see Joslyn's? Ohmygod, Joslyn looked like every single cashier I've ever requested "no lettuce" to.
Sheena says that Lauren Brie Cheese is smart but not exciting. Keep in mind that Sheena's idea of exciting is 7 shot of Patron and a booty dancing contest. Elina and some of the other chicks lay out. Elina's gut tattoo says "a voice for those who can't speak." She's big into animals, so she's going to speak for them. Especially the one on her head. It's saying "let me go, and I'll give you anything you want."
The sunbathers discuss how Annaleigh doesn't look like a model. And they keep discussing it even as Annaleigh lays down with them. Well, she did kinda ask. Elina fills her in. Annaleigh shouldn't eat a lollipop while laying down. Models need to watch out. They're not famously known for mutitasking.
The models head off to some random photo studio. And they're met by Tyra in a post office costume. I like her better in the lesbian shots. The girls dress up in black dresses and heels and the girls get to witness. Tyra's BOOBS ARE HUGE. They could feed so many babies. Tyra's going on about signature poses.
She says hers is her eyes. Which isn't really a pose. But she keeps jabbing at them and we don't want her to blind herself so I'm just going to believe her. Tyra is going to critique their poses. Lauren Brie is convinced that Annaleigh isn't cut out to be here. Tyra is passing out strengths. Tyra, what's mine? I can't believe she said "double chin, baby."
Samantha jumps out in front of Tyra and yells "YEAHHH!" Give her a leopard skin jumper and a big club and she'd be Bam Bam. Sheena feels that Lauren Brie is "translucent" like her hair. We find out that Lauren's tears are translucent as well. To show Sheena what hoochie is, she pats her tits. Firmly. I don't like it. I feel like Christopher Meloni needs to debrief me now.
Marjorie does some hunchback snake bits. It's really creepy. She should model for Jerry's Kids. But girlfriend won. Marjorie chooses Annaleigh to share in her prize. Lauren Brie is pissed or at least I think she is because you can't tell with her V: The Final Conflict eyes. Marjorie and Annaleigh get to go pick out incredibly expensive jewelry. They pick out some hot (and expensive) pendants. If modeling doesn't work out, you can sell that shit! Or make them into grilles.
The girls go to a theatre the next day which causes Sheena to say that it's "off the hizzle." Oh, no. That isn't even a phrase! She made it up! Tyra has her own awards show? The Fiercees? What? The girls are going to act out awards show mixups. Marjorie is posing on the toilet. This is some fetish! Why is Samantha using an English accent? This is bitch needs to leave. I think I've had enough. What is she - Madonna?
Elina has to cry. Instead of looking upset, she looks dead. I like that. Dead is kind of her look. Big Whitney is still not working, by the way. She's trying to make us think she does. But she's not. She takes a lot of cab rides to rejection, though. Back to Elina. Mr. Jay has to torture her into crying. Usually, this is Tyra's job so Mr. Jay must have gotten a promotion to co-sadist.
Lauren Brie Cheese has to fall down and it's bad if you can't do that correctly. Backstage, Sheena gropes Marjorie's boobs. Supposedly it's because she's checking out her cutlets, but still. Marjorie should call someone. Annaleigh seems too cute to figure anything out. Those kind of girls can usually get far in life. It's physics. As long as they're pretty.
Tyra is wearing some sort of executioner's hood for this panel. It's kind of appropriate. As she gets older, she's edging into Grace Jones. Well, she's going to need another schtick! Paulina looks like she has roseca. I swear Tyra is poisoning her ass. Tyra says that the photo shoot is dramatic, which is why she's dressed as "Little Black Riding Hood." What?
Models examine their photos. Marjorie's is so funny. It's like Norma Desmond: The Early Years contorting herself in the john. Elina still didn't give enough, despite being forced to relive her worst nightmares. Maybe they should just threaten to kill her family in front of her next time. Tyra cites Halle Berry's Oscar to win as an overly emotional actress. Halle was so emotional that I had to change my channel for fear that her tears might affect my television's wiring back then.
We're down to Sheena and Lauren Brie Cheese. And they sent Lauren Brie Cheese home! She took so many great photos! I thought she was in the running for the win. So I guess Marjorie's going to take it? Back to France where the insecure and negative people are?
Next - Commercials. Sheena and Elina defy their cute rhyming names and go at it.
JungleRed says:
Waitaminute, you don't like lettuce?
Ha ha!!