Project Runway: Drinks On This Brotha!

Previously - Say bye-bye to Jerell and whatever fabric and costume jewels revolution he was trying to start with that wedding dress. Don't even start me on that flowers on the head situation. A women's going to win this one and we're all praying it ain't that rockabilly bitch ingrate Kenley.

It's 3 days until Bryant Park and couldn't you just pee your lady drawers in anticipation? No? Yeah, no kidding - this season was about as exciting as the time Clay Aiken came out. We knew that Ronald McDonald's playground voyeur brother was a big queen, we know Leeanimal is going to win and there's just no magic left. And it's like Lifetime is going to lift this show back up to its rightful place in the reality tv show firmanent. They have Rumer f*cking Willis guest-starring on Army Wives. This is not a network you can run to for bold ideas and strength.

Ladies cleanse themselves and iron. Korto's heart is breaking for Jerell. Leeanimal notes it's a runway first to have all three women in the finale. The designers report to Bluefly Central. The girls are showing ten looks in the runway show, and it's time to cast twigs to wear their rags!

Korto wants girls with hair. Kenley's already starting to stink. Leeanimal likes some girls who's extraterrestrial. Kenley is telling the girls which models she should pick, and I'd have an opinion about that except I just ANTM winner Namia stroll down looking like she's developed alopecia. Girl, what happened to the side of your head? Was it lice? Did something have to get shaven?

I'm deficient because there's some blond model that everyone seems to know. Is it Sweet Pea from last year? She looks sort of like Lizzie Grubman if Lizzie wasn't tragic in the face. Kenley says she better not act up. Kenley's self-awareness is on par with my skill at cunnilingus. Meaning - not at all.

Tim's here to look at collection. Kenley uses all this rope in her clothes. Some of this shit looks like she just used the designs from her time on the show. Kenley stanks to the camera that Tim doesn't like the rope, but she's leaving it. I wish he'd tie the rope around her neck, secure it to a table and push her ass out a window.

Tim also questions her running the wedding dress again and Tim's like - bitch they told you your dress looks like some other dude's. I've seen the comparison, by the way, and it does. Kenley waxes pissy and says that they've said that about her other rags and she's "sick of it." Is she aware that Tim is the guest judge? Yeah, J. Lo hurt her foot (her big ass probably fell on it) and Tim is the judge. But I don't think this freckled hellion knows. It's all going to crumble for her ass.

Tim walks away, giving Kenley an eye roll and wishing he had some tea. Or a razor to cut her ass with. Korto is keeping her wedding dress as well. As Tim's leaving, Kenley actually activates her one brain cell and says that her "muse model" will wear something other than the wedding dress so it looks different.

Korto decides to make two new pieces for her line. That's brave. She's got like an evening. Is she employing elves? The girls are meeting with that bald make-up queen Collier Strong to figure out makeup. Collier shows us some make-up, and I'm seriously needing more Diet Pepsi to wake the eff up from this boredom kingdom.

Kenley says that Leeanimal doesn't know how to use color, and Leeanimal says it looks like "somebody's child has been painting all over Kenley's collection." MMMEEOOWWW! Ok, we're better. Personally, I think Leeanimal has the most tailored, attractive, cultured pieces.

Korto's freaking because the magical elves haven't shown up and bitch owes a dress. Girls get hair did. Korto's using buns. A lot of buns. Hot crossed buns!  One of Leeanimal's models looks like what the Allieds found in certain camps after the war.

Kenley is staring at Korto's attempts to fit her new pieces. And she feels like if Korto's dresses aren't made right, she's audi Bryant Park. Korto feels like it goes well and thank god, jesus. One of the models brings a dog which shits on the floor. Then the dumb bitch, in Leeanimal's evening gown, goes over to scoop it! I would slap that poop bag out of her hand! Was this bitch given a $50 by Kenley to walk the runway smeared in crap?  I wouldn't put it past her.

Tim's here. For the last gather-round. Is he going to cry again? He gives a peppy speech. And he goes to hug the girls. Get to the friggin' show! Girls get up at 3 AM. Kenley reveals that she snuck into the tents the year before and got booted out. I tried that, too! I was also kicked out but I really got to know the penises of various security personnel beforehand.

The girls walk the stroll down to Bryant Park. In the middle of the street! Watch out for taxis! Kenley has....like sequins on wires...coming out of her head. It turns out that Kenley hasn't spoken to her parents in years because she's a selfish bitch and cares nothing for others. The girls enjoy the runway.

Korto gets a team of students to help her. Kenley won't let the students touch her clothes. The girls just stand round giving her bitch stares. It's time! Dawn from Buffy is kissing Christian Sirano. All of our old friends are here. Kenley doesn't have sequins. She has leaves. One of Leeanimal's tops is limp and isn't fitting and the model is crying. Did she lose a rib since last night?

Korto's mom looks just like her and I bet she's just as fly. Kenley's dad didn't bring his tugboat. We finally see Leeannimal's family and not her boyfriend. They lay down plastic on the runway. Is someone going to be bleeding?!?! Is it just me, or does Nina always wear yellow to the finale? It's her lucky crankiness dress.

J. Lo's absence (due to that "triathlon" hoax probably) is noted. Christiano doesn't seem to care. And Tim is revealed as the guest judge. Kenley notes that she should have improved her attitude. Yeah, right, huh? HAH! I think Tim just made out with Michael Kors' mom. Here's Kenley and her dumb leaves. Didn't she note that Jerell was booted for that four days ago?

Kenley's mom is crying because she knows her daughter has an attitude. The music is such that I feel like I'm in Evil Dead 4. I see Rachel Zoe! She might be sucking the life out the collection. Actually, it's not half bad. It's out there, but some of it is pretty and edgy enough to get noticed. There's Padma from Top Chef! Bravo's last stand! Pack them all in now!

Kenley's mom seems really proud so I almost feel bad for despising her daughter. She tries to grasp Kenley's hand and I swear Kenley just slapped her wrist. Korto strides out and makes the runway her own! Do the Jane Fonda, Korto! Her family is really attractive. Korto even asks how hot she looks. Baby, you're on fire with your badonka donk! Leatha Stella is sitting behind Heidi!

Nina notes that Korto used the wedding dress for two dresses. Korto has buns and fans. Snow Black from ANTM is in Korto's show! I love it! Korto takes her daughter for a walk down the runway!  I'll be honest - she made some lovely clothes but she's not the winner.

There's Leeanimal's gay boyfriend! She tells us her collection is beautiful! Arrogance on Leeanimal!  Her collection is all curves and flaps. That came our wrong. It lulls me to sleep, but sort of in a good way. Everyone looks like ocean goddesses on the cruise ship in your dreams.

Show over. Fern Mallis liked Kenley's. She's just trying to get into Kenley's Bettie Page rhumba panties. Chris March liked Korto, and he's always had taste. All of the old designers note who they liked. Strangely, no one says Leeanimal. Why is Blayne dressed like a ninja?

There are some hotties on Top Chef this season. Hmm, I might have to watch. The judges are ready to decide fates. Nina says she's proud of them. Can someone sue if they lose because of Tim? Lawyers? Nina points out that Kenley has ripped off another dress. And Kors tells Kenley that she needs to actually LOOK at other collections. Kenley acknowledges she needs to do some research. See, she's kissing ass now because it's the end.

The judges appear to be reading from menus. They're all worried that Leeanimal has too many petals. Kors thinks she might be known as Petals Marshall. Heidi asks the horrible question of why they should all be here. Cue tears. Leeanimal used sustainable textiles. Kenley tells a sob story about moving to New York. I know, that drive can be hell.

Judges have a conversation. Tim is welling up over the decision. Because he knows that he's going to be the subject of a lawsuit in the future. Commercial! I'm calming down by watching Dianne Von Furstenberg look at trees. Can they first address Kenley's dumb ass leaves? Doesn't matter - SHE'S OUT! HAH! Eat it. Shouldn't have been a bitch! She says that she's a true artist and the decision is "bullshit." Keep walking.

I was right. Leeanimal GOT IT! Oh, Korto. Korto, baby. Korto and Kenley exchange hugs. Silent Fashion assassin! Kenley's family crawls out with the gay boyfriend. Leeanimal's parting words make me like her more - "$100,00, drinks are on this brotha!" I'm on the way, Leeanimal!