Paula Abdul Has A Secret

She's crazy for booze and pills. No, you knew that. It's actually that Paula Abdul is in negotiations for her own "secret" talk show. This might be the only talk show to watch. She's barely intelligible as it is. Imagine her trying to navigate interviewing someone else while slurring and crying? And then, as the guest is trying talk about her book, Paula gets up to wander around the set where they're going to film the kitchen segment later and inadvertently sets the sleeve of her bandleader's ruffly coat on fire? Can I set my DVR for this now?

"Paula's been dreaming about having her own talk show for three years, and she's ready to make it a reality," a source says and adds that Abdul's been talking to CBS/Paramount Network Television.

Abdul is also in the middle of salary negotiations for the ninth season of American Idol, and is looking for a $10 million dollar payday despite claiming they were trying to kill her. She reportedly already earns $5 to $7 million for clapping at the wrong moment and secreting rum in her Coke cup.

"And if she does get her contract demands, Paula will attempt to negotiate a clause that states she can have other projects, including a talk show, and will juggle both. Paula is unpredictable and not afraid to speak her mind -- but she also leads from the heart and really connects with people," continued the source. "Studio execs feel those are the kind of personal attributes that would make her perfect for a daytime talk show."

If she can't get the talk show, then we demand a reality series in which we follow Paula as she's forced to go without a driver in Los Angeles. I want to see how this drunk drives.