All Ashlee Simpson Posts

December 29, 2008

These Are A Few Of John Mayer's Favorite Things

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So Pete Wentz (face of Fall Out Boy, nosejob wife, gave his new baby a crap name) has a blog and came up with the idea to ask some of his famous friends to chime in with THEIR year end picks for coolest shit. John Mayer's on there, and here's his list:

5. Apple TV and group youtubing
4. E-Flite mCX Remote Control Helicopters
3. Kings of Leon - Only By The Night
2. Wireless internet on airplanes
1. President-Elect Barack Obama

Here's John arriving at LAX with his brothers. Well, he's got two down. Apple TV is pretty much useless and there's way better options for that kind of media all-in-one. I would have thought his list would have gone like this:

5. Pictures of me in magazines
4. News footage of me on television
3. My albums, any of them.
2. Convincing that desperate actress to take me back by lying that I would give her a baby so I can get on the red carpet even more and get more pictures of me in magazines and more television news footage taken of me
1. the arsenic I just put in her dogs' food that she doesn't know about that I'm going to blame on Zahara Jolie-Pitt

  • Thumbnail: John Mayer arriving at LAX with his brothers 1
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Photo Credit: Bauer Griffin Online
Website: www.bauergriffinonline.com

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Posted By J. Harvey | | Comments (1) | Email This
December 26, 2008

Bronx Mowgli Simpson's Free PIcture!

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Since Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson couldn't find anyone to buy photos of their poorly named baby, Bronz Mowgli Wentz, they said "to hell with it" and posed a pic of the future therapy patient (with that name it's therapy or meth) on Pete's website along with a holiday greeting.

"We decided to share the best gift we could ever receive with you: Bronx Mowgli Wentz. We couldn't be happier," Pete blogged.

Wentz claims that he was offered "mounds of money" for pictures of Jungle Book baby and they refused but word is - he and Anal Ash tried to pimp the kid out and there were no takers.

Click any thumbnail to view all 10+ photos of Pete Wentz in the gallery.

  • Thumbnail: Bronx Wentz photos and Pete Wentz shopping 1
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  • Thumbnail: Bronx Wentz photos and Pete Wentz shopping 4
Photo Credit: WENN
Website: www.photo.wenn.com

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Posted By J. Harvey | | Comments (0) | Email This
December 24, 2008

Celebrities Get Last Minute Holiday Shopping Done At The Grove

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It's a comforting thought to know that many of these celebrities (including Denise Richards, her hot-ass dad and real talker Irv Richards, Pete Wentz, Dancing with the Stars champion Brooke Burke, Ray Liotta, and Brittny "Where's Your Vowel, Bitch?" Gastineau) engage in last-minute holiday shopping despite assistants, armies of nannies and servants, and gardners who could run out to Cumbie's at the last minute for them.

Riddle me this - is Denise Richards wearing one of those Snuggies I saw on TV? You know, the late night infomercial about the blanket with arms? Wow, the dividends from Denise Richards: It's For A Check are paying off! The chick behind her is like "Denise RIchards shops via infomerical?" The boyfriend hates those things so much that he actually said it made him hate Americans. Wrap yourself in Charlie Sheen's money, Dee Dee!

Everytime mouthy little queer Pete Wentz comes into our view lately, all we can picture is him bragging about doing Anal Ashlee Simpson in the backdoor and frankly, Christmas dinner doesn't seem so appetizing. What a cheesedick.

Click on any image in the gallery for 40+ more photos!

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Photo Credit: WENN
Website: www.photo.wenn.com

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December 23, 2008

Pete Wentz Tastes Ashlee's Breast Milk. Of Course He Does.

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Sometimes these things just write themselves.

Pete Wentz told Sirius's Morning Mash-Up that wife Ashlee Simpson's breast milk tastes "soury and weird." Hm. I wonder if he sucked on her tit directly or if she pumped some out and put in a big boy cup for him?

I'm not going to ponder this question too hard.

Methinks Pete Wentz has a special place in his heart for these radio talk shows. He always blabbers some gag-inducing sound bite that we're forced to relive for the next couple of days. We thought he'd put a lid on it after the whole anal sex bit, but Petey always manages to top himself. We're morbidly curious to see what he says next. In a peek-at-a-car-crash-on-the highway sort of a way.

He also admits Ashlee isn't the only one who put on baby weight. The petite, little rocker ballooned from a demure 137lbs. to a monstrous 148lbs. Gasp! He got "fat face" and everything.

The Simpson-Wentz's also plan to terrorize the world with a whole litter of their hybrid spawn. He's practically going to turn Ashlee into a baby mill, comparing their procreation to a Journey song.

"I want to have six now. I mean not six specifically, but I want more...I can't imagine that we're stopping, you know what I'm saying? This is like a Journey song, it's like the chorus is just going to keep coming."

See what we have to look forward to?

View a gallery of Pete looking super cool promoting his new album at the Nokia Theatre Times Square and Ashlee when she was pregnant!

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Photo Credit: WENN
Website: photo.wenn.com

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December 22, 2008

A Simpson Family Christmas!

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It's going to be a total Christmas hoedown (hopefully literally) at Nana Simpson's homestead in Waco, Texas (no kidding) this Christmas! Jessica and Ashlee Simpson are bringing their beaus (Tony Romo and Pete Wentz respectively) home for the holidays.

"This Christmas is a big deal, and the whole family wants to be together for baby Bronx's first Christmas," a source says.

Ashlee and wife Pete will be bringing their new son Bronx Mowgli home so the rest of the family can ooh and ahh over him and privately discuss what the hell Anal Ash and Wentz were thinking with that kid's name when they have a private moment in the kitchen.

Jessica is bringing boyfriend Tony Romo to Nana's to show him what he's in for if he eventually marries her. It involves her father trying to get him under the mistletoe and commenting on how big Ashlee's boobs have gotten since she gave birth. He's an equal opportunity freakazoid.

Check out all the classic photos of Jessica Simpson and Ashlee Simpson in the gallery!

  • Thumbnail: Jessica Simpson Ashlee Simpson leaving Mr Chow 1
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Photo Credit: MavirxOnline.com
Website: www.mavrixonline.com

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December 16, 2008

Pete Wentz And Ashlee Simpson Have Anal Sex

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I'm sure there are some Fall Out Boy fans and an Ashlee Simpson fan (yeah, I left the "s" off) that didn't need to read that headline. We didn't even like to run it. Pete Wentz has been staying up too late with reportedly camera-shy baby Bronx Mowgli or something because he went on Howard Stern today and ticked off a whole bunch of personal details about his dealings with wife Ashlee's body that none of us needed to know.

Us has all the details, but one detail they didn't report on was Wentz telling Stern that the two have anal sex. I think I need to go read my Bible now. Will Jessica Simpson be addressing this fact in one of her country song? Mah sista likes it in the butt, y'all!

Wentz, seen here with bandmate Patrick Stump in NYC's Washington Square Park after police told them they couldn't play a free concert, went on to shoot himself in his emo foot by pronouncing their sex life "amazing" and detailing their first encounter.

"It was at the Soho Grand Hotel [in New York City], and I'm looking in the mirrors, [thinking], 'Oh my God, you are [sleeping with] the girl of your dreams, and you can watch yourself!'"

Simpson apparently also wears thongs to give Pete lapdances. We're ending this post right about here. 

Click any photo to view all 10+ photos of Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump in the gallery!

  • Thumbnail: Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump promoting new Fall Out Boy album 1
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  • Thumbnail: Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump promoting new Fall Out Boy album 4
Photo Credit: WENN
Website: photo.wenn.com

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December 14, 2008

Jessica Simpson In Fancy Fragrance Frenzy

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Jessica Simpson launched her new fragrance Fancy at Macy's at the South Coast Plaza on December 13, 2008 in Costa Mesa, California looking all purdy. I have to wonder, what pain is hiding behind that plastered on smile of hers?

I think its pure jealousy of her sister Ashlee Simpson. Jessica is desperate to settle down in marriage and mother a child soon. The Pop star who is currently dating American football star Tony Romo, and wants to tie the knot in Texas and have a baby soon.

Jessica was supposed to be the perfect daughter, while Ashlee was to remain the ugly forgotten one. But, alas, Ashlee stole Jessica's thunder by getting a nose job, finding a miniature pocket husband and getting knocked up, and had a baby all before Jessica was able to get another engagement ring on her finger.

Let's all say a little prayer for Jessica. She's in pain.

Click any photo to view all 30 photos of Jessica Simpson promoting her fragrance Fancy in the gallery!

  • Thumbnail: Jessica Simpson launches Fancy fragrance 1
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Photo Credit: Getty Images
Website: www.gettyimages.com

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Posted By Miu von Furstenberg | | Comments (4) | Email This
December 12, 2008

Pete Wentz's Baby Ain't For Sale

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Fall Out Boy's poster child Pete Wentz recently informed his fans via his website that he and wife Ashlee Simpson have no interest in selling baby pictures of their son Bronx Mowgli Wentz.

However, Pete assured readers that eventually, he and Ashlee will debut their son, but not until they feel they absolutely have to.

"We know there will be a time when we'll share him with everyone because that insatiable curiousity becomes unsafe or simply because we're proud parents who want to show him off!" Pete writes.

Ha! This does not sound like a Joe Simpson-endorsed idea.

Click any photo to view all 10+ photos of Pete Wentz in the gallery!

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Photo Credit: Flynet
Website: www.flynetonline.com

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Posted By Lisa Timmons | | Comments (1) | Email This
November 25, 2008

Pete Wentz On His Terribly Named Son's Birth

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Bronx Mowgli? Can Rudyard Kipling sue? Can Disney? Howabout New York City? Couldn't one of his bandmates step in? You know those hicks in the Simpson clan were like "dayum, that's purty and diffrant. I think Jaysus would like it!" Sensitive Pete Wentz spoke to Ryan Seacrest about the birth of his and wife Ashlee Simpson's son Bronx Mowgli last week and said the birth almost gave him the vapors.

"Obviously, some stuff my wife would freak if I said, but she's pretty much a saint," he said today. "Right before she went into labor, I was like, 'Oh my God, I think I'm having a heart attack!' "Natural things start going on in your body. My heart started beating really fast."

Meanwhile, this champ's wife is trying to exit a human being out of a very small egress. But it's all about glam boy. Ashlee apparently has the patience of Job and a calm disposition or the drugs they give you during labor are party-caliber.

"She's a amazing girl. She was like, 'I will make sure you're OK,'" he added. "I didn't even stop to think, 'Well, you just had an epidural and you're about to have a baby!'"

Yeah, no kidding. And as for that name? Well, he explains the "Mowgli" part. He says that Rudyard Kipling is "really cool and The Jungle Book is something that me and Ashlee bonded over," Wentz explained.

In retrospect, the kid could have been named "Rikki-tikki-tavi."

  • Thumbnail: Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson with Bronx 1
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Photo Credit: Getty Images
Website: www.gettyimages.com

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November 21, 2008

Pete Wentz Was A Chick Tease

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The self-described "superlate bloomer" told Elle magazine that he strove to keep his number of sexual partners low out of deference for his future wife.

"I'm a bit of a tease. I'd make out with a lot of people but not go beyond that," Pete Wentz said of his romantic experiences before committing to his wife and mother of his kiddos Ashlee Simpson.

Any jokes we might make about his guyliner and flat-ironed hair are all in good fun, as this tidbit of info makes him seem like a really good guy. And now we find out he's a guy in a rock band who isn't a total slut. Consider our hearts melted.

Click on any photo to see the full gallery of Pete Wentz.
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Photo Credit: Flynet
Website: www.flynetonline.com

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