All Ashton Kutcher Posts

Audrina Patridge Pussies Up

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Here's Hills reality starlet Audrina Patridge introducing the Pussycat Dolls. Audrina was recently sighted getting some sort of atrocious tattoo, and everyone's pretty much aware that it's a stunt for Ashton Kutcher's lame Pop Fuction show. Yeah, I spelled it that way, Empathize with celebrities everyone! They never wanted to be famous!

Audrina got all dolled up as a Girlicious PCD! I've seen the Pussycat Dolls perform, well the Vegas versions. I'm not sure what the big deal is. Some slut writhes around in a big martini glass. And then there's some other sluts who like, bend over a bar and stuff.

And everyone's dressed like it's the Moulin Rouge. I don't get it. And when you have The Hills people involved, it's just over.

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Photos: WENN

More photos of Audrina Patridge introducing the Pussycat Dolls are after the jump.




'What Happens In Vegas' Refuses To Stay In Vegas

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Here are some still shots of Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher from their wacky romantic comedy, What Happens in Vegas..., and from what I've seen from the trailer, I'm starting to think that it probably would be best for everyone if what happened in Vegas really would just stay there. It actually makes me wish that the marriage laws in Las Vegas would get a little more strict, so that this particular brand of romantic comedy would be forced into extinction.

In any case, they are still very lovely pictures taken at quite a high resolution and the well-lit to boot. We think you might enjoy them.

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More photos of Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz from What Happens in Vegas are after the jump.




Britney? (Ashton Kutcher Plays Around)

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Here's tall goof Ashton Kutcher making like Britney Spears on the set of his new flick. You can play Britney, too. Just get a ciggie, a venti iced coffee and a controlling father to exorcise your panty demons.

Ashton's new foray into television is called Pop Fiction. It's like Punk'd, except that Ashton teams up with celebrities to play jokes on the tabloids by creating situations. It's stupid. If they had something actually hot, like Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston punching each other in the street, I would be into it. Instead, it's ridiculous stuff like Avril Lavigne maybe being pregnant and Mario Lopez giving Eva Longoria a necklace. BORING!

The tabloid media at large agrees that it's kinda dumb, because who the hell sympathizes with celebrities? They have money and are impossibly beautiful. It would be a different story if it were poor people with syphilis striking back. One tabloid editor commented on the fact that the tabs know what celebs are up to before they do.

"There's nothing these people do that we don't know about before they get there. We know everything. Ninety percent of their lives are put together by other people. It's almost like these celebs have LoJack. It's easy to track them," he said.

Another weekly editor said, "In Hollywood, anytime anyone decides to be in on the joke and critique themselves, no one cares. It's not having the effect they thought it would. No one can sympathize with celebs. They're always in on it themselves, whether they're pulling the joke or not."

Seriously. And even if they do pull one over on us here at ASL, we're just going to exaggerate it anyway and blow it out of all sorts of proportion for laughs. We write about things like Amy Winehouse rubbing her own urine on her face. Who can tell what's a joke and what's not anymore? Dumbasses.

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Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com

19 more photos of Ashton Kutcher and Margarita Levieva on the set of Spread are after the jump.




Ashton Kutcher Thinks Deep

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Here's some shots of Ashton Kutcher on the set of his next flick, Spread. In it, he plays a dog that has to deal with all the women he's screwed over. He's a tall drink of water, isn't he? Demi Moore must have to climb up on that.

It's refreshing to see that he doesn't have the abs definition that some of these gays have. He's too busy fooling the tabloid media to do crunches.

Ashton's a regular guy. Check out the picture in which he's eyeballing the ass of the chick in the bikini. Hah! Caught! Demi will cast a Kabbalah curse on you! Your penis will Jewish mystically fall off!

Is that Maria Conchita Alonso he's acting with? Is she the plastic surgery plane crash in the black and white? Maria, what happened? I loved you in Predator 2!

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Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com

More photos of a shirtless Ashton Kutcher on the set of Spread are after the jump.




Caption Ashton Kutcher

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More photos from Ashton Kutcher's V Man photo shoot are after the jump.




Eva Longoria And Ashton Kutcher Put One Over On The World

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So, remember when Eva Longoria was photographed receiving a Cartier necklace from Mario Lopez? And it looked like she might be cheating on her basketball player? Yeah, well it was a stunt for Ashton Kutcher's new show Pop Fiction. More like Pop Fuction. Not like it was that believable since Mario Lopez is like her main gay. Oh god, how I wish he was gay.

In his new venture, the gangly loud dopey tool Ashton stages fake celebrity situations to fool the media and make it into the papers. Wow, it's like the celebs finally have their revenge on us! Celebrities getting the last laugh they so desperately deserve!

Ashton Kutcher is an ass. The only joke here is when Demi's enhancements melt off and he rolls over and realizes he married an old chick with three kids in his 20's. Like celebs need to take revenge on the photogs. So you feel intruded upon. It comes with the biz. You want publicity for your latest projects and know that you have to keep your name in the papers so that no one forgets who the hell you are. Double-edged sword, my friend. You can't demand that, and then get pissed when they snap you buying Preparation H.

Oh, and in other cool Ashton news - it looks like he actually stole the idea for his show from the deceased Anna Nicole Smith. Or am I being punk'd! I can't tell reality anymore! Oh Ashton, you big fooler! Well, it's not like she can complain about it.

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Photos: WENN

More fake photos of Eva Longoria and Mario Lopez are after the jump.




Ashton Kutcher and Tyra Banks to Make Beautiful Reality TV Together

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Say what you will about Ashton Kutcher and Tyra Banks, but these two know how to make some entertaining reality television. Between her self-important histrionics and his genius for surprising audiences, I'm expecting to see lots of cleavage, tiger-eyes and unexpected twists.

According to the Hollywood Reporter, Kutcher and Banks are teaming up to work on a reality show about beauty pageants, but of course, there has to be some kind of a unique angle in there somewhere. We're not sure what it is, but I hope it somehow involves making celebrities think their cars have been stolen. These two have me singlehandedly convinced that former models make the best reality television producers.

But Ashton's not one to rest on his laurels and is always working, as is evidenced by these photos of him on the set of his new comedy, "Spread." I almost forgot that he still does stuff in front of the camera. Besides accompany Demi Moore to swank events.

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Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com

More photos of Ashton Kutcher on the set of 'Spread' are after the jump.




Demi Moore and Madonna to Fill Oscar Party Void

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With Vanity Fair's Oscar after-party no longer a part of the picture this year, Madonna and Demi Moore are hoping to fill that void. All the A-listers are on the guest list, while many industry types have been left off the guest list. The real question is will partygoers receive a red string in their gift bag?

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Photos: WENN

10 more photos from the CAA pre-Oscar party in Bel Air featuring Christian Slater, Faith Hill, Tim Mcgraw, Rebecca Gayheart, Eric Dane, Sean Penn and John Favreau are after the jump.




Demi and Rumer Put On the Red Lipstick and Party

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It was an excuse for the celebs to do what they love best--get dressed up and play games. De Grisogono hosted the first annual Hollywood Domino Tournament at the Beverly Hills Hotel and all the ladies got dressed up in old-school Hollywood style, while the boys put on their finest duds. However, it seems none of the guys could find the time to actually shave, so they all look pretty scruffy. I don't get that look at all.

Aside from that fact, everybody looked fab in their throwback outfits and Rumer Willis totally looks like she's rocking a Project Runway dress. Except for Rachel Zoe, who showed up looking like a very made-up succubus, who was on the hunt for juicy, young souls. Rumer, stay close to your mama.

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Photos: Getty Images

27 more photos from the 1st Hollywood Domino Tournament featuring Rumer Willis, Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Kate Beckinsale, Steven Cojocaro, Donna Karan, Salma Hayek, Rachel Zoe, Lydia Hearst, Alicia Witt, Kate Hudson, Casey Johnson, Lake Bell, Michelle Trachtenberg, Mia Maestro, Bonnie Sommerville and James Van Der Beek are after the jump.




Ashton Kutcher's Birthday Party Was Diseased

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Photos: INFDaily.com

Yikes! Ashton Kutcher's 30th birthday party guests are all being urged by the New York City health department to be vaccinated against Hepatitis A. The party was held on February 7 at Socialista, and guests included his wife Demi Moore, Madonna, Bruce Willis, Gwyneth Paltrow, Liv Tyler, Kate Hudson, Lucy Liu and many more name types. It turns out a barman tested positive for Hep A. Well, it wasn't Pam Anderson because that hag has C. Hep A is primarily passed through someone's...waste matter...coming into contact with someone else's food or drink. Let's hope someone washed their hands thorougly. This story is already grossing me out. I'm thinking Socialista isn't going to be the hot spot we once thought it was. Oh, and my favorite part of the source article for this story was this: "It is not known whether the barman passed a stool before serving food and drinks to Kutcher's guests". Hollywood is glamorous!




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