All Brandon Davis Posts

Whoah, look how utterly cheerless Brandon Davis is. Even his fetching little headband is doing little to lift his spirits. At least it is lifting up his greasy hair so that we can get a better look at his utterly dejected visage. The socialite has good reason to look dejected these days, according to Page Six.

The paper is reporting that Brandon crashed on the couch of his buddy, music producer Scott Storch, and put their friendship in jeopardy when he tried to snag Storch's diamond watch worth approximately $100,000. According to an unnamed source, "Scott called Brandon and told him the watch was missing but, 'It's OK - I just got a new security system, so everything's on tape.' After learning he'd be caught, Davis "started crying hysterically and saying, 'Please don't tell anyone - I'll bring it back.'"

Apparently, Scott felt bad for Brandon and didn't go to the police when he got his watch back within an hour and his comment on the story was simply, "I heard about this. Give peace a chance." Awww, doesn't he mean "Give grease a chance"?

Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com/WENN

OK, initially, I thought this photo of Nicky Hilton's legs was just at a weird angle maybe, but the picture above makes Nicky look about as thick as a sheet of paper. She probably makes her anorexic models look fat.

The comparatively more well-behaved Hilton recently had a fashion show for her line Nicholai at Fashion Week in Los Angeles and her sis, Paris, showed up along with her boyfriend of the moment, Benji Madden. Paris was rocking a dress from her sister's collection and looked to me like a German villainess from a 60s movie based on a Dr. Suess book. Benji, per usual, just looked overwhelmed.

All the usual hoes were in the audience, Laguna Beach alum as well as various other spawn of rich people to take in Nicky's equestrian-themed designs. According to the heiress/designer, "The inspiration this season was equestrian, but I wanted to make it a naughty and nice. It was equestrian meets bondage and S&M, hence the latex leggings, patent leather buckles, and the whip."

Photos: WENN

25 MORE PHOTOS of Nicky Hilton's runway looks, as well as Paris with boyfriend Benji Madden after the jump!

Well if you're gonna dress like a valet, I'm going to call you one! Here's Samantha Ronson out at Villa the other night. Other tools on the premises were Brandon Davis and Travis McCoy from the band Gym Class Heroes. Actually, I don't know much about McCoy, so he gets a pass for now. But seriously, there's a lot of reasons to avoid Villa here. If I ever get my huge head caught in between some bannisters, I'm calling Brandon Davis. One swipe from his greasy locks and I will slip free in a jiffy.

Photos: WENN

11 more photos of Samantha Ronson, Brandon Davis, Travis McCoy, Rick Solomon at Villa are after the jump.

What's wrong with this bitch? How come people with money that they didn't earn themselves have to be such penises? Here's some snaps of Brandon Davis in his Wesson Oil-mobile in Australia with some chickenhead. He's got Wessonality! Brandon was recently spotted freaking out on a valet in front of Setai in Miami for not bringing his car around fast enough. What do you have to get to? You don't work. You just jet around looking for the best price on coke! That's not a job! That's a lifestyle. The valet should have suckered him. Valet jobs are fairly abundant. I'd give him a reference.

Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com

More photos from Brandon's trip to Australia from earlier this year after the jump.

Jeez, did they just find out that disco died? Paris Hilton, flanked by her brother, Barron, and fellow socialite, Brandon Davis, all look downright mournful as she and her crew exited Villa Lounge in West Hollywood. Despite her perky little ensemble, that screams "sexy German barmaid," Paris looks like she just found out that she's going to have to go back to jail--minus the melodramatic wailing. Or maybe, in the middle of a table-top dance, she suddenly realized that the money she's spent in the past year on extensions and fake tanner would have been sufficient to support an entire village in Africa for the same period of time. That would bum me out too, if I suddenly realized what a douche I was. And, I'm tempted to feel bad for her, in case something actually dramatic did really happy to her, but then again, I have a feeling she'd react just as badly to hearing a friend had died in a car crash, as she would to hearing that the Pumkin Spice Latte at Starbucks had recently been discontinued.

Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com/Splash

6 more photos of Paris Hilton, Barron Hilton and Brandon Davis leaving West Hollywood's Villa Lounge after the jump.

If they were having Steak-Umms, they're in luck. Oil to go round'! Just add provolone! Here's Fergie inexplicably dining with greasy bad boy Brandon Davis. Why? Good friends? Collaborating on a new project? They ate together at Cafe Med in West Hollywood. More like Cafe Sped. She's ok and I actually like some of her songs when she isn't talking about her former meth addiction. Seriously, we get it. You did a lot of drugs and it made you incontinent. Ok, get a new anecdote! "Glamorous" is a hot jam, though. God, I hope they aren't working on an album. I'll have to jam an awl into each ear.

Photos: Splash/WENN

8 more photos of Fergie and Brandon Davis having lunch are after the jump.

Brandon Davis is skeevy beyond skeeve. The tragedy with this one is that he would probably be hot if he wasn't A) a pinhead and B) unwashed. And we're not exaggerating on the unwashed part. Apparently he's so greasy than even professional hair burners won't approach that salad without some kind of protection. "Fat Elvis" rolled up on the Frederic Fekkai salon in NYC for a trim and everyone broke out the Rubbermaid gloves.

"Even the shampoo person wore gloves," said a source. "He [Davis] was really out of it, sweating profusely. His eyes were half shut and he was asking for carrot juice, even after they told him they only had orange juice."

Christ, can't anyone do anything without having to be coked up anymore? Ugh, get your own carrot juice. What are you - a health nut now? Carrot juice? Right. He's the picture of fitness. He's a veritable Jack Lalanne. Quick, fetch my juicer! I just blew these rails and I need some kumquat juice NOW to take the edge off! God, the shampoo girl should have held him under and done us all a favor.

Photos: INFDaily.com

Of course Brandon "Greasy Bear" Davis would be at home in a placed named Butter. However, I'm not sure why he's wearing a jacket that looked like it could have come from Missy Elliot's wardrobe circa 1997. The NYC bar and eatery celebrated its fifth anniversary a bit late, but the hot spot noted for such celebrity clients as Bruce Willis, Prince and Mary J. Blige made sure to do so in style. These are the celebs caught on the red carpet. I'm not sure why Taye Diggs is dressed like Steve Urkel, but maybe for him it was a belated Halloween celebration as well. Jamie-Lynn Sigler is channeling Victoria Beckham with the mask of bangs sweeping across her face and I'm always happy to see happy couple Seal and Heidi Klum--especially after we became so close during their Oprah interview. I say close, because it felt like I was there while watching the TV.

Photos: WENN

Many more photos (Seal, Heidi Klum, Mandy Moore, Brandon Davis, Farnsworth Bailey, Taye Diggs, John Legend, DJ AM, Kevin Connelly, Lance Bass, Gavin DeGraw, Damon Wayans, May Anderson, Scott Sarantino, Richie Akiva, Jamie-Lynn Sigler) from the Butter 5th Anniversary party are after the jump.

I have no idea what a douche-pirate is exactly, but I assume that it's what happens when a douche-bag attempts to conceal his identity with a pirate costume and you end up with what we have here. The oil heir was spotted in a New York costume shop, during his hunt for a Halloween ensemble and unsurprisingly, ended up acting the fool. A tipster revealed to the New York Daily News that when Brandon was trying on a glittery, feather-covered mask, one of the chicas in his entourage told him that it didn't look great and the witness "saw him throw it across the counter, hitting the cashier." Um yeah, I could never work retail, because apparently, stunts like that still aren't considered reasonable grounds for murder.

Photos: PacificCoastNews.com

I have no idea what a douche-pirate is exactly, but I assume that it's what happens when a douche-bag attempts to conceal his identity with a pirate costume and you end up with what we have here. The oil heir was spotted in a New York costume shop, during his hunt for a Halloween ensemble and unsurprisingly, ended up acting the fool. A tipster revealed to the New York Daily News that when Brandon was trying on a glittery, feather-covered mask, one of the chicas in his entourage told him that it didn't look great and the witness "saw him throw it across the counter, hitting the cashier." Um yeah, I could never work retail, because apparently, stunts like that still aren't considered reasonable grounds for murder.

Photos: PacificCoastNews.com