Get out the wine kids, cause it's going to be a depressing ride.

One of Michael Lohan's many audiotape recordings of phone conversations concerning his daughter, Lindsay Lohan, has been released. In it, Michael chats with Dina Lohan, who reveals to him that Lindsay was deeply affected by Heath Ledger's death, since the two were dating at the time.

Dina explains, "I don't know if you know that, but I know cause I would drop her off and they were friends very, very close, OK?" Dina adds, "So that fucked her up And right after that is when Samantha was around."

Lindsay's mother explain that her daughter's fragile emotional state means that Lindsay is terrified to be by herself. Dina says, "She cannot be alone. When she sleeps here, she sleeps with me...she has fears from being little and what you did to us."

How he manages to make Dina look like a responsible parent is beyond me.

Gallery Info: Lindasy Lohan arrives at Katsuya restaurant in West Hollywood.

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I could say something right here about how sad Lindsay Lohan's situation is and what a crappy father Michael Lohan turned out to be, but for really-real, this family is such a beautiful disaster, I can't even stand it!  It's like a telenovela come to life!  Don't condemn me to hell just yet; I'm saying what y'all are thinking.

So here's the plot, I mean story, so far: Michael tries to back up his story about Lindsay being addicted to prescription drugs by releasing tapes to the media of phone conversations between himself and his daughter and ex-wife, Dina.  Lindsay then refutes the recordings via Twitter as being several years old and craftily edited, while blasting her father for being a deadbeat dad and claiming that he threatened to kill her mother at the height of their marital problems.

Michael then refuted Lindsay's claims by saying, "That's a lie.  I guess Lindsay is on more drugs than I thought to say something like that... No wonder why God is taking her entire career away from her.  Because she's forsaken everything He's given her and she's done nothing by misuse all the gifts she's given."

Oh, snap.  That's cold, Michael.  I can't wait for the next episode!  Um, I mean statement.  That is to say, I'm sure everything will work out for the best.  Yeah, that's it.

Gallery Info: Lindsay Lohan looking fresh as a daisy as she skips through the London airport to her connecting flight.

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Not sure if this is the case, but I'd like to take the belly on Lindsay to be a sign that she's actually eating.

Even after years of divorce, Lindsay Lohan's parents still have the energy to continue raging against one another. Now, Lindsay is claiming that her prize of a father, Michael Lohan, has threatened the life of her mother, Dina Lohan.

On Twitter, Lindsay writes of Michael, "He's a deadbeat dad. He's disgusting to do this," she adds, "he needs help." Talking about her mother, Lindsay says, "She blames herself for staying w/him for so long," however, Dina didn't leave him because Lindsay pleaded with her not to because Michael "always threatened to kill her if she did."

This revelation comes shortly after Michael released an audio recording of a phone call from a despondent Lindsay. God, these people make the Gosselins look like June and Ward Cleaver.

Gallery Info: Lindsay Lohan leaves the Hollywood Hills home of a friend after a party.

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Recorded phone calls made by Lindsay Lohan and her mother, Dina Lohan, to the Mean Girls actress' father, Michael Lohan, reveal the starlet getting emotional as she pleas for help.

The recording is the first of a series of calls made to Lindsay's horrible excuse of a father, and in it, Lindsay sobs uncontrollably as she tells her father, "Mommy says that I'm worse than you were. And she's defending...She doesn't back me...she doesn't stand by me."

She continues in between bouts of crying by saying, "No one cares about me. They don't, by the way. It's about how they feel, not how I feel. It's not about me. It's never been about me, unless I fight for it."

The three-minute heartbreaking audio shows a vulnerable side of Lindsay, one that should never have been revealed to the public. Just when you think that he couldn't possibly sink any lower, he releases this tape. Seriously, he makes Dina look functional.

Gallery Info: Lindsay Lohan at the 3rd Annual Fundraising Gala Rock the Kasbah.

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Oh, it's on. Lindsay Lohan took to her Twitter account to rip her daddy, Michael Lohan, a new one.

My father is a lunatic&doesn't even deserve such a title since he's never been around in my life other than when he'd threaten me&my family. He should be where he has always put himself after verbally abusing and physically abusing people all my life-behind bars. Its so sad to get a phone call from my baby sister just now asking, "why is daddy doing this?" Through tears. He's crossed the lines&hurt me&my family 4 the the last time.... So much for having a 'dad'..... I'm going to spend some time with the ones that love me&i love now. I appreciate those who continue to support me. My fans keep me strong&i love you all so much for it! My second family is what you are to me.

While Dina Lohan took to Page Six to let our her grievances.

Following reports that Michael plans to go on TV and play her phone messages about Lindsay, Dina told Page Six: "He's getting a cease-and-desist letter [from us], so that's not going to happen. If it's something personal about your child, you don't go public with it."

"He is hurting Lindsay. It breaks my heart. She's like, 'Mommy, when is he ever going to stop?' " Dina said.

"He is also six months behind in his child support. On Monday, we will file a violation order, and if he doesn't pay, he'll go to jail.

"He's getting paid for these shows he's doing talking about Lindsay," Dina said. "He's flying all over the country and not paying for his other three children he's hurting every time he goes on television.

"It is horrific that a father could do this. We are afraid he's spiraling out of control. [Daughter] Ali is scared and will be getting an order of protection. Lindsay is getting an [restraining] order in California and in New York.

Dr. Phil I think it's time your intervene.

Gallery Info: Lindsay Lohan at the Grand Opening at the Kerzner Mazagan Beach Resort Opening Night in El Jadida, Morocco on October 31, 2009.

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In an exclusive interview with RadarOnline.com yesterday, Michael Lohan claimed that he and ex-wife (and shoe designer) Dina Lohan were planning on doing an intervention with daughter (and fashion designer) Lindsay Lohan for her dependence on prescription drugs.

"I had a conversation with her, her mother and everyone...over the next couple of weeks I'm going to be doing things in a pretty public way," Michael Lohan told RadarOnline.com exclusively.

"But Dina has got to get on the same page with me. It's a serious situation. You can't just talk about it and tell me that you want to do an intervention and then do nothing."

Dina, spoke with Page Six, and calls Michael's claim a load of crap.

"I don't go -- like my ex -- on national television and make things up. He's estranged from Lindsay; he doesn't know what's going on in her life. Michael doesn't talk to her.

"I've had full custody of all my children for the last 10 years. He has been incarcerated for some of that time, so whatever is going on in Lindsay's personal life is our business. And for him getting paid to say things about her when he's five months behind in child support is wrong."

She continued: "I can't change Michael to make him do the right thing -- that's up to him and God. But it is hurtful for a child for her own father, whom she has no relationship with, to say things in public about her like that."

This family is fucked up. The parents need to shut up, monitor the kids and stay out of the papers. Otherwise, there's going to be a major Lohan implosion in the next coming months.

Galllery Info: Dina Lohan launches her new footwear range 'Shoe-Han' held at the Trump Plaza.

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Not content to let daughter Lindsay Lohan be the only purveyor of questionable fashions, stage mom, Dina Lohan, is launching her own shoe line entitled "Shoe-Han." I'm guessing it will feature the kind of shoes, for which you'd be willing to sell your firstborn into slavery.

The reality TV dropout is kicking off the venture with an event at Trump Plaza and has also been dubbed the newest spokesmodel for lovemyshoes.com.

I've gotta hand it to that Dina. Her ability to brainstorm ways to avoid being a mother to her neglected children is unprecedented. She truly is one of a kind.

Gallery Info: Dina Lohan at the launch of A/X Watches.

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Fashion maven that she is, Lindsay Lohan, is showing off some of her...shall we say, inspired style skills while out shopping with her cougarrific mother, Dina Lohan during New York's Fashion Week.

Lindsay continues to dress in all black, sporting a confounding combination of sheer knee-highs, headband, mini skirt, unlaced boots and headband.

Despite the rumored controversy caused by Lindsay's upcoming gig as "creative consultant" to the Ungaro fashion line, she remains a fixture with the label and will be working with the label's new chief designer Estrella Archs on the 2010 spring/summer collection set to premiere on the runway this fall at Paris Fashion Week.

Let's just hope this isn't apreview of what's to come.

Gallery Info: Lindsay Lohan and her mother, Dina Lohan, shop in SoHo.

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Poor Lindsay Lohan. Her home just seems to be a magnet for break-ins. This is the second time her house has been broken into and luckily for her surveillance system, it was all caught on tape.

Michael Lohan told TMZ a safe was ripped off the wall and a couple of watches were taken. He believes it's "an inside job" because the people that work for Lindsay failed to turn the alarm on. He says, "I am not going to put up with individuals violating my family. Lindsay is a charitable, generous person that always gives. This is a personal violation and it has got to stop."

We're told Lindsay came home early this morning, around 3:00 AM, discovered the break-in and called her dad. Of course he contacted TMZ right after like any good D-lister would do.

Lindsay's mother couldn't shut up either of course. Dina Lohan told People, "It's true. The safe was ripped out of the wall, and the door was off the hinges and door handles removed," Dina said. "Bags, shoes and jewelry were taken too. Thank God she wasn't home."

"Ali and Linds just left me in New York, and left people in charge to pack, as we are moving her to a safer place. She is okay, but upset." So upset the she turned a bright orange. Oh wait, that was just all the self-tanner.

Gallery Info: Lindsay Lohan leaving the Waverly inn after eating dinner with friends in New York City.

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OK, there is so much wrong with this story, so let's begin. Lindsay Lohan's little siblings are now DJs. Yah, you read that right. Ali Lohan and Cody Lohan made their DJ today in Manhattan at a press conference to announce the nations first Blackberry Brick Breaker Contest. DJ AC (DJ Ali & Cody, so clever) will be the djs for opening of Z-Com Wireless stores, which are now being converted to a new lounge for teenagers.

In true Lohan fashion, Ali and Cody looked positively excited to be spinning, and mommy Dina Lohan looked positively excited to be making money. Guess who the only other celebrity to show up was? Brooke Hogan. I know right?

Ali seems to be looking a bit splotchy recently, although it is better than the blonde hair Lindsay's got going. I am seriously just so disturbed by the whole Lohan family. But I do kinda feel bad for Cody. He doesn't seem like the type that wants to whore himself out. Although maybe he is and I've just missed it.

Live On Music also reports DJ AC will also be spinning with 25 of the hottest musical acts at Party 105's Summer Jam on Long Island next month. And come on, we all know about the amazing parties on Long Island.

Ali and Cody, Here is just a little bit of advice from me to you: stop. Stop right now. You're just heading down a path of embarrassment. Please, I don't want to have to write about either of your sex tapes anytime soon. Well, I mean that would be funny, but I'd feel badish. So go back to home school and no more deejaying. From either of you. Thank you.

Gallery Info: Ali, Cody, and Dina Lohan are joined by Brooke Hogan as DJ AC plays its first gig.

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