All Eva Longoria Posts

Eva Longoria is so airbrushed in these pics that they've actually changed her into a different person. Seriously, they've altered her facial features. Why didn't they just get someone else entirely? Eva is the face of Bebe's new summer and swimwear collection. Or at least some other actress named "Eva Longoria" is.

Eva isn't concerned by any of this. She's feeling the love. Despite frequent separations due to their career, Eva and her NBA star husband Tony Parker are trying to keep it going. For her birthday, he organized an elaborate party and scavenger hunt based on Eva's favorite board game Clue. Wait, how many birthday parties did she have?

Tony had actors playing the characters from Clue escort Eva on the hunt, and then to a castle where there was a birthday dinner and a real life Clue game. The boyfriend needs to get on the stick! This sounds like a hot party! My birthday's in June and I want to get tanked with the bitches from Candy Land!

Tony showed up to the party dressed as his team mascot from the Spurs.

"In walks the Spurs coyote...but it's Tony in the coyote costume! He was hot, he was sweating, he was in love with his wife," said a partygoer. Awww, that ho should write for Hallmark.

Photos: WENN

More photos of Eva Longoria and Tony Parker leaving Beso are after the jump.

Chocolaty. More photos of Eva Longoria, the new face of Magnum Ice Cream, are after the jump.

So, I was catching up on my Oprah on TiVo and caught the episode where Ken Paves was chatting about a fundraiser that he held at Eva Longoria's new restaurant in Hollywood, Beso, to raise money for children suffering from Epidermolysis Bullosa.

And here are pictures from the event, with Kate Beckinsale, Eva Longoria, Courteney Cox and Orlando Bloom, who were all there having a good old time. Orlando was probably just happy to be hanging out with his buddy, Jennifer Aniston. The two have been engaged in a mutual flirtation for months, which started in October of last year when the two hung out in Mexico for the wedding of their shared manager, Aleen Keshishan. They initially met way back in 2004, when Jennifer's then-hubby Brad Pitt starred with Orlando in Troy.

"Jennifer is flattered by Orlando's attention," a tipster revealed to the Daily Mail. The source added, "He has had a crush on her for the longest time. He loves her energy." They both really love their yoga too.

I have a feeling that Jennifer is looking for a guy who's ready to settle down and have a family, but shoot, there's nothing wrong with her wanting to have a little fun with a youngun in the meantime. Get your downward-facing dog on, girl.

Oh, and all of this reminded me of this random goof.

More photos of Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, Orlando Bloom, Kate Beckinsale, and Eva Longoria are after the jump.

Here's tall goof Ashton Kutcher making like Britney Spears on the set of his new flick. You can play Britney, too. Just get a ciggie, a venti iced coffee and a controlling father to exorcise your panty demons.

Ashton's new foray into television is called Pop Fiction. It's like Punk'd, except that Ashton teams up with celebrities to play jokes on the tabloids by creating situations. It's stupid. If they had something actually hot, like Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston punching each other in the street, I would be into it. Instead, it's ridiculous stuff like Avril Lavigne maybe being pregnant and Mario Lopez giving Eva Longoria a necklace. BORING!

The tabloid media at large agrees that it's kinda dumb, because who the hell sympathizes with celebrities? They have money and are impossibly beautiful. It would be a different story if it were poor people with syphilis striking back. One tabloid editor commented on the fact that the tabs know what celebs are up to before they do.

"There's nothing these people do that we don't know about before they get there. We know everything. Ninety percent of their lives are put together by other people. It's almost like these celebs have LoJack. It's easy to track them," he said.

Another weekly editor said, "In Hollywood, anytime anyone decides to be in on the joke and critique themselves, no one cares. It's not having the effect they thought it would. No one can sympathize with celebs. They're always in on it themselves, whether they're pulling the joke or not."

Seriously. And even if they do pull one over on us here at ASL, we're just going to exaggerate it anyway and blow it out of all sorts of proportion for laughs. We write about things like Amy Winehouse rubbing her own urine on her face. Who can tell what's a joke and what's not anymore? Dumbasses.

Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com

19 more photos of Ashton Kutcher and Margarita Levieva on the set of Spread are after the jump.

Eva Longoria decided to distract herself from her dissolving marriage (I'm kidding--everything's just fine!) and went on a shopping trip with her buddy, Victoria Beckham and Victoria's son, Cruz, I believe it is. This is a great picture--Cruz looks like he's got a John Waters mustache going on because of the way he's sucking in his mouth, while his moms and Eva are both were caught in the midst of pursing their lips.

The gang look like they thoroughly enjoyed themselves--in other words, Victoria nearly smiled, which means she was probably beside herself with joy and everyone went home after and excitedly tried on their new diamonds.

Photos: WENN

29 more photos of Victoria Beckham, Cruz Beckham and Eva Longoria doing some shopping on Rodeo Drive after the jump.

Eva Longoria has been spotted out and about, with a tattoo conspicuously missing from her wrist. Eva's wrist used to say "VII VII MMVII," which was her wedding date in Roman numerals, but now through the magic of laser removal, it is no more.

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker have been plagued with rumors of discord since their marriage last summer, with a French model claiming to have engaged in an affair with Eva's husband, basketball player Tony Parker, after the two met at Parker and Longoria's wedding. The pictures below are of Eva enjoying a night out with some girlfriends in Miami Beach.

I'm telling you, I'm going to save the scraps I'm making as a blogger and invest in a business that has a future--laser tattoo removal. I could make a mint off Kat von D's failed relationships alone.

Or, with all of this celebrity tom-foolery going on, maybe Eva's just covering it up with make-up.

Photos: BauerGriffinOnline.com

More photos of a smiley Eva Longoria are after the jump.

This chick can't get enough fame. Here's Eva Longoria ruling the roost at her 32nd birthday party at her new restaurant, Beso. When Eva's not too busy fooling all of us into thinking she's f*cking Mario Lopez, she's a restauranteur! Celebs in attendance include America Ferrara and some cute guy, Mario, Marcia Cross who appears to be smuggling another baby, that Paves fool who messes up everyone's hair, and Eve. I'm sorry I have never liked those claw tats on Eve's....er, tats. Trashy.

Photos: BauerGriffinOnline.com

15 more photos of Eva Longoria and the celebs (Ken Paves, Mario Lopez, Dana Delaney, Sheryl Crow, Marcia Cross, America Ferrara and Eve) attending her 32nd birthday bash are after the jump.

So, remember when Eva Longoria was photographed receiving a Cartier necklace from Mario Lopez? And it looked like she might be cheating on her basketball player? Yeah, well it was a stunt for Ashton Kutcher's new show Pop Fiction. More like Pop Fuction. Not like it was that believable since Mario Lopez is like her main gay. Oh god, how I wish he was gay.

In his new venture, the gangly loud dopey tool Ashton stages fake celebrity situations to fool the media and make it into the papers. Wow, it's like the celebs finally have their revenge on us! Celebrities getting the last laugh they so desperately deserve!

Ashton Kutcher is an ass. The only joke here is when Demi's enhancements melt off and he rolls over and realizes he married an old chick with three kids in his 20's. Like celebs need to take revenge on the photogs. So you feel intruded upon. It comes with the biz. You want publicity for your latest projects and know that you have to keep your name in the papers so that no one forgets who the hell you are. Double-edged sword, my friend. You can't demand that, and then get pissed when they snap you buying Preparation H.

Oh, and in other cool Ashton news - it looks like he actually stole the idea for his show from the deceased Anna Nicole Smith. Or am I being punk'd! I can't tell reality anymore! Oh Ashton, you big fooler! Well, it's not like she can complain about it.

Photos: WENN

More fake photos of Eva Longoria and Mario Lopez are after the jump.

Look, it's Eva Longoria's restaurant opening! Here she is at Beso, with Todd English. I think Todd stepped on her piggies. Some of Eva's co-stars from "Desperate Housewives" showed up. Luckily, Teri Hatcher didn't because that might mess with people's digestion. I 'm sorry, she's got the pinched face of evil. In other news, Felicity Huffman is committing crimes against nature with that hat.

Photos: Getty Images

24 more photos from the opening of Beso featuring Eva Longoria, Kim Kardashian, Felicity Huffman, Brittny Gastineau, Nicollette Sheridan, Dana Delaney, Shawn Prfrom, Lake Bell, Sheryl Crow, Roselyn Sanchez, Eric Winter, Constance Marie, George Lopez, Sarah Lancaster, Julie Benz, Jermaine Jackson and James Denton are after the jump.

Eva Longoria and celebrity chef partner Todd English opened her new restaurant Beso in Hollywood last night. Beso means "kiss" in Spanish. Eva claims to be a hot chef, and all about tortilla soup and guacamole.

She says, "I'll go to a restaurant and if I have an amazing dish I'll go to the kitchen and ask the chef how he made it. And then I'll make him teach me. You can ask [my husband] Tony [Parker], I do it all the time. I'll leave him at the table for like 30 minutes." Check, please! Rude bitch!

Eva had a hand in every aspect of the restaurant, from the chandeliers. Eva claims she makes the most amazing tortilla soup ever. This is making me hungry. Ok, I just looked at these photos of her from Mexican Vogue. Not so hungry anymore.

More photos of Eva Longoria from the photo shoot are after the jump.