I could say something right here about how sad Lindsay Lohan's situation is and what a crappy father Michael Lohan turned out to be, but for really-real, this family is such a beautiful disaster, I can't even stand it!  It's like a telenovela come to life!  Don't condemn me to hell just yet; I'm saying what y'all are thinking.

So here's the plot, I mean story, so far: Michael tries to back up his story about Lindsay being addicted to prescription drugs by releasing tapes to the media of phone conversations between himself and his daughter and ex-wife, Dina.  Lindsay then refutes the recordings via Twitter as being several years old and craftily edited, while blasting her father for being a deadbeat dad and claiming that he threatened to kill her mother at the height of their marital problems.

Michael then refuted Lindsay's claims by saying, "That's a lie.  I guess Lindsay is on more drugs than I thought to say something like that... No wonder why God is taking her entire career away from her.  Because she's forsaken everything He's given her and she's done nothing by misuse all the gifts she's given."

Oh, snap.  That's cold, Michael.  I can't wait for the next episode!  Um, I mean statement.  That is to say, I'm sure everything will work out for the best.  Yeah, that's it.

Gallery Info: Lindsay Lohan looking fresh as a daisy as she skips through the London airport to her connecting flight.

Click any thumbnail launch the gallery and view all 13 photos:

Not sure if this is the case, but I'd like to take the belly on Lindsay to be a sign that she's actually eating.

Even after years of divorce, Lindsay Lohan's parents still have the energy to continue raging against one another. Now, Lindsay is claiming that her prize of a father, Michael Lohan, has threatened the life of her mother, Dina Lohan.

On Twitter, Lindsay writes of Michael, "He's a deadbeat dad. He's disgusting to do this," she adds, "he needs help." Talking about her mother, Lindsay says, "She blames herself for staying w/him for so long," however, Dina didn't leave him because Lindsay pleaded with her not to because Michael "always threatened to kill her if she did."

This revelation comes shortly after Michael released an audio recording of a phone call from a despondent Lindsay. God, these people make the Gosselins look like June and Ward Cleaver.

Gallery Info: Lindsay Lohan leaves the Hollywood Hills home of a friend after a party.

Click any thumbnail launch the gallery and view all 6 photos:

Recorded phone calls made by Lindsay Lohan and her mother, Dina Lohan, to the Mean Girls actress' father, Michael Lohan, reveal the starlet getting emotional as she pleas for help.

The recording is the first of a series of calls made to Lindsay's horrible excuse of a father, and in it, Lindsay sobs uncontrollably as she tells her father, "Mommy says that I'm worse than you were. And she's defending...She doesn't back me...she doesn't stand by me."

She continues in between bouts of crying by saying, "No one cares about me. They don't, by the way. It's about how they feel, not how I feel. It's not about me. It's never been about me, unless I fight for it."

The three-minute heartbreaking audio shows a vulnerable side of Lindsay, one that should never have been revealed to the public. Just when you think that he couldn't possibly sink any lower, he releases this tape. Seriously, he makes Dina look functional.

Gallery Info: Lindsay Lohan at the 3rd Annual Fundraising Gala Rock the Kasbah.

Click any thumbnail launch the gallery and view all 18 photos:

Nope. Don't believe the rumors.

Supposedly, Gerard Bulter, 39, was spotted kissing Lindsay Lohan, 23, at the opening of the Mazagan Beach Resort in Morocco on Saturday night.

The pair reportedly spent much of the night dancing and flirting in the hotel's Sanctuary nightclub before eventually leaving the party together in a golf buggy, according to an onlooker.

Before she was whisked away, Lindsay told the Mirror: He's hot, he's mine! I've got no ring on my finger so I'm going to have lots of fun. This is the most romantic place in the world.

LOL! Lindsay told that to the Mirror. Na-ah. Gerard was actually flirting with anything in a skirt all night long, and did not make out or leave the party with Lindsay.

Even a man-whore has standards.

Gallery Info: Gerard Butler arrives for the grand opening night of the Kerzner Mazagan Beach Resort on October 31, 2009 in El Jadida, Morocco.

Click any thumbnail launch the gallery and view all 11 photos:

Oh, it's on. Lindsay Lohan took to her Twitter account to rip her daddy, Michael Lohan, a new one.

My father is a lunatic&doesn't even deserve such a title since he's never been around in my life other than when he'd threaten me&my family. He should be where he has always put himself after verbally abusing and physically abusing people all my life-behind bars. Its so sad to get a phone call from my baby sister just now asking, "why is daddy doing this?" Through tears. He's crossed the lines&hurt me&my family 4 the the last time.... So much for having a 'dad'..... I'm going to spend some time with the ones that love me&i love now. I appreciate those who continue to support me. My fans keep me strong&i love you all so much for it! My second family is what you are to me.

While Dina Lohan took to Page Six to let our her grievances.

Following reports that Michael plans to go on TV and play her phone messages about Lindsay, Dina told Page Six: "He's getting a cease-and-desist letter [from us], so that's not going to happen. If it's something personal about your child, you don't go public with it."

"He is hurting Lindsay. It breaks my heart. She's like, 'Mommy, when is he ever going to stop?' " Dina said.

"He is also six months behind in his child support. On Monday, we will file a violation order, and if he doesn't pay, he'll go to jail.

"He's getting paid for these shows he's doing talking about Lindsay," Dina said. "He's flying all over the country and not paying for his other three children he's hurting every time he goes on television.

"It is horrific that a father could do this. We are afraid he's spiraling out of control. [Daughter] Ali is scared and will be getting an order of protection. Lindsay is getting an [restraining] order in California and in New York.

Dr. Phil I think it's time your intervene.

Gallery Info: Lindsay Lohan at the Grand Opening at the Kerzner Mazagan Beach Resort Opening Night in El Jadida, Morocco on October 31, 2009.

Click any thumbnail launch the gallery and view all 21 photos:

Following in the footsteps of Jessica Simpson, who has recently returned from a trip to India, Lindsay Lohan has announced plans to visit the country as part of a documentary about child trafficking.

Lohan cites a conversation with British tycoon, Richard Branson, in Dubai, as her inspiration for participating in the project. Lindsay says, "I'm going to India soon, actually, before Thanksgiving. And I'm doing a documentary for the BBC Network."

The star adds, "It's basically on the trafficking of children in Bihar, India... I'm a little nervous, but I'm excited to do something like that."

Speaking of being nervous, Lindsay has retreated to her condo in West Hollywood since the burglary on her Hollywood Hills home. An inside source tells Page Six that the starlet made the move in the early morning hours several weeks ago, to keep paparazzi and potential burglars off her trail.

And, we're guessing, her father, Michael Lohan.

Gallery Info: Lindsay Lohan leaves the Staples Center after watching the Los Angeles Lakers play the Clippers.

Click any thumbnail launch the gallery and view all 16 photos:

Looking worn on the red carpet at the Rock The Kasbah event held at Vibiana, Lindsay Lohan is displaying a ragged appearance that has her estranged father, Michael Lohan, concerned for her well-being.

Lindsay's relationship with her father is strained at best, with the starlet threatening to slap a restraining order on her erratic dad. Once again, Michael is expressing concern for his daughter, claiming that she is addicted to prescription painkillers and that he worries she could be "dead in a year."

While we all know that Michael has a tendency to talk about Lindsay to whoever will listen, her listless appearance and glassy eyes are doing little to dispute his claims.

Gallery Info: Lindsay Lohan at the Rock the Kasbah event held at Vibiana.

Click any thumbnail launch the gallery and view all 23 photos:

It's a hard knock life Lindsay Lohan is living these days. The starlet looks pretty rough in these pictures of her leaving a restaurant in West Hollywood.

As well she should, because the struggling actress and floundering fashion industry hanger-on is reportedly having trouble finding work that pays. After working for an year and a half on her album, Lindsay has been dropped by Casablanca Records.

Additionally, her work for the Ungaro fashion house has been mostly for clothing. A snitch reveals to Fox News that Lohan paid for both her stay in Paris, as well as her flight, but snatched about $100,000 worth of clothes in the process.

The next logical step would be, of course, reality television. And it looks like Lindsay might be giving it a shot. A source tells Page Six that during Lindsay's stay in Paris for Fashion Week, "She was being followed by a camera crew wherever she went." Can someone give the woman a pair of pants or something until the check clears?

Gallery Info: Lindsay Lohan looks ragged as she leaves a restaurant in West Hollywood.

Click any thumbnail launch the gallery and view all 4 photos:

Click any thumbnail launch the gallery and view all 15 photos:

Troubled starlet, Lindsay Lohan, has confirmed that she will be seeking a restraining order against her father in Los Angeles. Unfortunately, though, she can't keep him from talking to media. Michael Lohan recently said in an interview with Maury Povich that his daughter is wasting away to nothing, saying, "There's nothing left of her."

He explains, "I was out in L.A. with her about three weeks ago when she got robbed. She called me up at 3:30 a.m. and said, 'Daddy, come out here.' I flew out and couldn't even look at her. I had to go outside and cry. When I hugged her, it's just a hollow, hollow person."

Lindsay is striking back, tell Us Weekly, "I'm so hurt that someone who calls himself my father, needs to use the press to communicate with me." She adds, "It's so sad that he needs to stay in the media spotlight by using my name and making up excessive lies. He should instead try to be a real father." In your face, Michael!

Gallery Info: Lindsay Lohan out in New York.

Click any thumbnail launch the gallery and view all 7 photos: