Posted by Sarah McChesney

I shouldn't enjoy this show, I really shouldn't. It has a lot of things in it that I don't like including a pun in the title. I never even watched 90210 when it was on, I think I caught a few episodes near the end of the run when Kelly was doing coke and they had lots of guys in leather jackets lurking around but that was about it. The funny thing about that show is that even though I didn't watch it, I still know the characters names and what they are like just from pop culture. So of course I know who Tori Spelling and her famous father are, and I had heard rumors through people who had worked with her of her financial escapades and constant need for attention (although in a clingy way and not loud obnoxious way like some people, yes Scrubs star I'm side-eyeing you), so I was very curious about this reality show of hers and just how "real" it would be.

Is Tori Spelling funny? Find out after the jump.

The Bad Girls Club
There is a show on Oxygen called "The Bad Girls Club" where the premise is "girls who lie, cheat and flirt their way out of trouble and have serious trust issues with other women." Now, I'm thinking that if you are lying, cheating and flirting your way out of trouble, you are pretty much guaranteed to have trust issues with everyone since you yourself are a pretty untrustworthy and a horrible person, but perhaps I am overstating the obvious.

The problem that I have with this show is that these girls just aren't bad enough. When I think of a Bad girl (with a capital B), I think of a scene from a 50's movie where all the Bad girls are dressed in leather pant suits with heavy cat's eye eyeliner, roaming deserted streets while carrying switchblades and talking to their elders disrespectfully in a fast, nasally voice, saying things like, "You're in big trouble now, Pops. Don't gimme no guff now, you hear?" Sadly the only thing that even comes close in the TV show is the heavy eye makeup. Seriously, how much eyeliner and mascara can an eye take? These girls put on makeup just to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, although I must say that the few times they did get caught on camera without makeup, I was silently pleading for temporary blindness until they reapplied.

Find out what happens when things get ugly after the hump jump...

What's that you ask? What is the most important thing about being a Pussycat Doll? Well according to this show, it's being sexy, but CLASSY! Because nothing says class like a bunch of glorified stripper shaking their asses and lip-synching their way to pseudo stardom.

Other than having the longest title on television, The Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll is ridiculous and has the weirdest mix of people yet on a show. You've got an old used up hag choreographer who "created" the Pussycat Dolls named Robin Antin who has the same plastic surgery face as a thousand other forty something women who still insist on dressing like they are twenty and seem to sleep in high heels. She is bossy and probably a midget when she takes those shoes off. Then there's Mikey Minden, the most walking stereotype gayest choreographer I have seen in a long time. I want to know why Robin Antin isn't choreographing the Pussycat Dolls herself instead of being another Paula Abdul choreographer/judge. At least Paula is nice and keeps us entertained with her bouts of hysterical crying and slurred sentences. Robin Antin is just a bitch. Also, does anyone else still find Mark McGrath hosting things now bizarre? And he's so boring! And Li'l Kim is a judge? The whole thing is just plain odd. And why does Li'l Kim, hardcore female rapper prison bitch extraordinaire seem so nice?! I kind of want to hang out with her, except that her early 90's Michael Jackson nose scares me and I'm afraid I would stare at it too long and she would shiv me or something.

What exactly is a Pussycat Doll? Sarah explains after the jump...

Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency
Hello my television-loving fancy ponies! So, first off, I would like to address the multiple recap comments from last week's post. I would like to remind you, my lovelies, that this is a column and not a recap. I will not be recapping, but rather just blathering on about things I have observed from watching certain shows. So if you want a recap and not a column, don't read this. Just remember, recaps don't have fancy cartoons.

So, last week, I talked about America's Next Top Model and how hilarious and frightening it is and this week I would like to continue talking about modeling shows with Ms. Hilarious and Frightening herself, Janice Dickinson.

Learn more about Sarah McChesney's not-so-secret love affair with JDick after the jump...

OMG, I am so happy. The 8th "Cycle" of America's Next Top Model has started! I have often laid awake at night and wondered if the producers opted to call it a "cycle" because of twelve girls acting like they are one giant constant period? No matter, it's fabulous. This season, the girls are dumber than ever! How fantastic! And Tyra is crazier than ever! Even better! Each show, I look forward to her interpretation of being "real" and "caring" which apparently means turning every girl's fears, concerns and darkest secrets into how it affects Tyra. Totally made up example;

GIRL (crying): "When I was thirteen, I was raped by my brother's friend who was supposed to be babysitting me."

TYRA (brow furrowed): "That hurts me to hear that you were raped. And you know why it hurts me? Because I was a babysitter, and rape only gives a bad name to something that I used to do. And you know what? I was good at it. I was a good babysitter and I never raped nobody! OK, you can leave now."

More on Sarah's love for all things ANTM after the jump...

You know what show is really awful and therefore awesomely good? How about The Real Housewives of Orange County?!?! Yay!

Now, I think "Real" is a bit of a stretch considering these women are made up of 80% silicone and collagen, but I guess the creators thought the idea of calling it "The Bought and Paid For Housewives of Orange County" was a double entendre that would go over the peroxide-filled heads of too many people. That was a long, catty sentence, I know. ANYWHO, recently I was thinking about the show and trying to decide why I like it so much, considering that it stands for everything I abhor: greed, stupidity, self-indulgence, ignorance and fake nails.

Find out why Sarah loves The Real House Housewives of Orange County despite herself after the jump...

Ah, Television. I like it. I do. I like lots of different television shows, some good, others so bad that I love them more than life itself. Not my life, maybe my neighbor's life, or someone I worked with in the past whom I didn't really care much for, like that one guy who made really weird noises under his breath when he thought no one was listening and come back from the bathroom without washing his hands which I know because I was listening the whole time and then watch him the rest of the day with a faint feeling of nausea, his life yes...but I digress.

I didn't used to watch a lot of television, in fact I sort of prided myself on the fact that I mostly watched PBS and read very thick books that gave me vague wrist sprains in trying to hold them up into the wee hours of the night, but then something happened. Cable. Direct TV to be precise, and oh what a joyous downward spiral it has been ever since. For you see, I have a slightly Obsessive Compulsive personality, not to the point of getting up every hour to make sure the locks are all turned in the right direction or running home over lunch to make sure all the gas knobs are turned off for fear of burning down my glorious one bedroom apartment, but more of a laid back OCD, like that man who watches you every night through the window but he doesn't actually do anything about it, he's not that committed. I'm like that dark stranger in the trench coat, except lying down on the couch watching the same show until I tire of it and turn to something new to stalk. I mean watch.

Continue reading "Confessions" after the jump...