Most likely feeling jealous from all the attention fellow dysfunctional reality television couple, and Jon and Kate Gosselin, have been receiving during the course of the divorce, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt had a little field trip with photographers.

The terrible twosome dressed up as the infamous Jon & Kate Plus 8, with Heidi donning one of those Kate Gosselin wigs everybody's talking about.

Awww, you know Heidi just wanted to dress up so that she could pretend she's going to bear children with her resistant better half. The truth hurts, huh, Heidi?

Gallery Info: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt pose as Jon and Kate Gosselin for Halloween.

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Heidi Montag apparently only puts out when she gets paid. There is a reason why Heidi Montag didn't attend her sister Holly Montag's birthday party, she wasn't paid for her appearance.

"Holly was really wishing that her sister could just be a sister and stop by her birthday party, but Heidi only goes places if she is getting paid," an insider snitched to Tarts. "I mean, this is her sister and she wouldn't even show up without a fee. That's disgusting."

Yes, that is disgusting.

Gallery Info: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have lunch with friends

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Star of The Hills, Kristin Cavallari, is doing her best to continue stirring up the controversy. The reality TV starlet recently told MTV News that on this season of the series, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are so wrapped up in their relationship, they're not really interacting much with the other cast members.

Cavallari confesses, "They're in their own little married world, and we don't get to see a whole lot of them, which is unfortunate, because I love them." When once Kristin lamented ever introducing the nauseating duo to one another, she now believes she made the right decision to set them up.

"I think when I saw them at the wedding, they seemed really happy and really in love, so I'm happy for them. I feel like Cupid a little," Krisin enthuses. This woman's aptitude for infuriating her castmates is truly astounding. I tip my hat to her.

Gallery Info: Kristin Cavallari and Lauren Bosworth film scenes for The Hills in Beverly Hills, California.

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Tip for Heidi. You many not want to eat your offspring. I'm just saying.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt introduce their new puppies Dolly (the white puppy) and Ninja to the world. They took their tiny pups out for a spontaneous (tee hee) walk in the Hollywood Hills, although the lucky new arrivals were carried for most of the way.

Heidi admitted that having the dogs had made her think twice about having children just yet as they were quite a handful! Don't do it Heidi. It's for the best.

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Not content with the baby of a hubby she already has in Spencer Pratt, Heidi Montag confessed during her co-host stint on The View, that she is dying to have kids.

The reality TV starlet admits, "I wanna have children sooner than later. My husband doesn't at all, ever. He wants to have surgery to make sure we don't."

As a result, the couple's sex life is pretty uneventful at the moment because Spencer doesn't trust Heidi to stay on birth control because of her desire to have "four or five" kids.

For once, I'm going to have to agree with Spencer. I appreciate him being socially responsible and abstaining from procreating.

Gallery Info: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt arrive in Los Angeles after their trip in New York.

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Spencer Pratt, the new self-proclaimed King of America, has chosen American Idol host Ryan Seacrest as his first official beheading. OK, so maybe not his beheading, but Spencer is not pleased with Mr. Seacrest at all.

MTV News reports that on Wednesday Ryan asked listeners of his radio show to call in which reality television stars they would like to see get tasered. This was in reference to reality star Brody Jenner, who got tased in a bar fight last week. When Ryan talked about maybe tasing The Hills star and Spencer's wife Heidi Montag, Spencer was "disgusted."

First he took to his Twitter to yell at Ryan through the internet, and then followed that up with the release of a formal statement on Ryan's comments. "I'm disgusted and horrified that Ryan Seacrest would find it amusing and entertaining to have his listeners call in about tasing anyone. What's next, Ryan -- guns and knives? Waterboarding? It is irresponsible and offensive for someone with your platform to promote violence on this level. For someone who produces reality content, I'm shocked that you'd encourage people to tase reality stars. Would it be funny to you if one of your Kardashians got tased? Is that how you treat your talent, Ryan? Finding humor in violence is disgusting. For someone who pretends to be mister clean-cut America, you really should be ashamed. Any reasonable person knows that a Taser isn't a Super Soaker and can cause immediate death. I expect an apology not to just us, but to people everywhere for using your public voice to spread violence."

As you can tell, Spencer is not happy about this at all. Heidi had a lot less to say though. She took to her Twitter with two posts. In the first she wrote, "I am praying for your soul @RyanSeacrest!" And in the second she linked to Spencer's statement and wrote, "I love my husband! Thank you."

I have an idea. Let's taser Spencer. Oh crap, now he's going to get mad at me, isn't he? Oh well. At least the two of them won't be having any children that they can ruin. Small victories everyone, small victories. And now if we can just get Spencer to please take off that awful crown and go live in a small hole in a land far, far away and not by a pool in Hollywood, I think we should be good, don' you?

Gallery Info: Spencer Pratt pretends to look royal as he and wife Heidi Montag hang out by the pool at the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood.

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Please thank whatever religious deity you believe in for me because Spencer Pratt has announced that he does not want children. Us Weekly reports that Spencer told MTV News that if his wife Heidi Montag got pregnant, divorce would be in their near future. "I told her there's a divorce or adoption," he says. "If she's not down with the adoption, I think it's divorce."

Are you ready for the actually kind of adult reason as to why Spencer does not want kids? "I'm a baby. I'm not prepared," he says. "And I'm not sure the world wants a Spencer Pratt spawn." I know! He's trying to save us. Who thought that Spencer would do something good for humanity? Now as long as he does not become the king of America, I think we're good, right?

Heidi on the other hand is totally baby ready. As Spencer put it, she is "trying to have a baby like it's going to buy a new pair of Louis Vuittons." I guess Heidi wants them babies. "I think I was born ready. I'm very maternal. I'm very loving. I would be the best mom ever. [He feels] not quite the same, but maybe he just doesn't know he wants kids yet. I think he never wants kids, but maybe I'll have a surprise for him."

I bet once Spencer realizes the amount of money and whorish attention a baby will bring him, he'll totally jump on the bandwagon. Cause you know, once Heidi becomes the next Michael Jackson, he'll need someone else to make uber famous. Yah, go with the not having kids thing.

Gallery Info: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt embrace their parental side at Kitson Kids boutique.

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Do think that if I wish hard enough Spencer Pratt will go away? I'm wishing, I'm wising, I'm wishing... damn it he's still here. And not only he still here, it doesn't look like he's going away. Ever.

Spencer told Us Weekly that he will be changing his name to King Spencer Pratt. "I've decided since there is a Queen of England and a Prince William that there should be a king of America. I nominate myself for that role." I think this all stems from the fact that Spencer has a need to be assassinated; cause assassinate sounds way cooler than murder.

And he's not the only one who wants to go royal. According to Spencer, his wife Heidi Montag is the "the new, modern-day, 2010 Michael Jackson." Well obviously Spencer. "Michael Jackson's in heaven," he said. "The Holy Spirit now has extra Michael Jackson juice, so boom! For all we know, Heidi gets possessed with some of that Michael Jackson divine spirit." I know we made you read this once beofre, but I though a second go around would once again cement the reasons that Spencer and Heidi need to go away.

Someone take something sharp and hit him with it. Thank you.

Gallery Info: Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag celebrate Spencer's 26th birthday.

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I'm now fully convinced that Spencer Pratt does some major drugs. This was the exchange that Spencer had with MTV's The After Show Host Jessi Cruickshank regarding his wife, the plastic and talentless Heidi Montag:

"Heidi is the new, modern day, 2010 Michael Jackson." (What happened to Britney Spears?)

When host Jessi Cruickshank points out Jackson is dead, Spencer gestures to Heidi and says, "Yeah, but here it is, it's living, like the holy spirit.

"Like, Michael Jackson's in heaven," he continues. "The Holy Spirit now has Michael Jackson juice, so boom! For all we know, Heidi gets possessed with Michael Jackson's divine spirit."

"So Heidi is the new Michael Jackson?" Cruickshank questions.

"Oh, way bigger," Spencer asserts.

Uh. You are a dolt.

The hijinks didn't end there. Check out the video after the jump of Heidi giving Spencer a lap dance as poor Jessi is left gagging at the spectacle. Bless her heart.

Gallery Info: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt get down to some serious relaxing following her stunning live singing debut at the Miss Universe pageant

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"I grew up watching Britney Spears. That's someone I inspire to be, you know, like, career wise," Heidi said. "I think the world is ready for the next pop star and I'm ready to be the next pop galaxy, so here we go." - Heidi Montag

(via Access Hollywood)

Gallery Info: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt arrive at LAX airport from the Bahamas

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