Woody Allen directed an erotic film? Does it involve molested stepdaughters? Look, I know they weren't blood but direct your boner away from the immediate family, perv. It's just a little creepy.
Can you imagine Woody leering at them making out and slowly massaging his old man nipples through his sweater? And calling for multiple takes? Scarjo plays an backpacker who gets involved with a painter and his jealous ex-girlfriend. Doesn't this sound like Penthouse Forum? Not that I'd know. Shut up!
"It is extremely erotic. People will be blown away and even shocked," is what a source says about the film. Woody wankfest.
You would too. She used to be able to rest her head on Ryan Reynolds' rock-hard abs. Then they broke off their engagement last year. Alanis Morrisette and his abs, I mean. And now he's engaged to Scarlett Johansson! That bitch can't sing! At least not about giving head in a theater! Alanis Morrisette says that she "hit rock bottom" last year.
She says she had to take a break due to "a personal unraveling of significant relationships in my life." Oh honey, just say it. Ryan took off and you were devastated. I would be, too. Look at that body.
Her new album, Flavors of Entanglement, hits on June 10 (J. Harvey's birthday!), and it's how she worked through her issues she says. That, and everything from "pounding pillows" (with Scarjo's face on them) to "sharing with intimate friends." So she f*cked her way back. Good for her.
Alanis hasn't lost her faith in love, though.
"Oh yeah. My nature is always hope filled. It's more about values matching now. That's the foundation," she says. Oh shit, she joined EHarmony? Those bitches are homophobic and I'm disappointed in Alanis now.
The Canadian songstress says she's dating someone but declined to reveal who. It's totally George Glass.
The actress/pop star hopeful showed off the rock given to her by her beau Ryan Reynolds on the red carpet at the Met Gala that I've been writing about for the past few posts, dressed very much like a princess. Ryan doesn't look like he was there at the event to escort his lady-love. I'm guessing he was busy making some hokey romantic comedy or exercising his abdominal muscles.
More photos of Scarlett Johansson attending the Superheroes: Fashion and Fantasy' Costume Institute Gala at The Metropolitan Museum of Art after the jump.
Scarlett Johansson can console herself over any lukewarm responses to her music video with the rock she's sporting from her boyfriend Ryan Reynolds. Ryan has decided to make an honest woman out of Scarlett and has proposed to the full-lipped actress. The two have been dating for over a year and Johansson is expected to be showing off her engagement ring tonight at the Metropolitan Museum Costume Institute Gala in New York.
Scarlett's rep Marcel Pariseau told People magazine, "They're both thrilled."
Here's Scarlett Johansson's video for the first single off her album of Tom Waits covers, Anywhere I Lay My Head. It's called "Falling Down." And let's put it this way, Scarjo isn't exactly a songbird. The instrumentation's ok, but she sounds like tuneless depressed girl karaoke. The video features a day in the life of Scarjo. She chews gum, they put makeup on her tattoo, Salman Rushdie tries to get in her pants. You know, typical stuff. Supposedly, David Bowie's on this track but all I can hear is someone taking themselves way too seriously.
Glamour magazine has put Kate Moss at the top of their Best Dressed list. Really? I only see her when she's shitfaced in the back of cars or stumbling around London serving as a backpack to grubby rock stars. I never notice the clothes.
"Kate's back with a vengeance," says Glamour editor Jo Elvin. "Her maverick approach to fashion is an inspiration and shows us all how to be a little more daring and experimental."
Other Best Dressed winners included Jennifer Aniston, Sienna Miller, Rachel Bilson, and Scarlett Johansson. Glamour also had a Worst Dressed List that was topped by Britney Spears, and Victoria Beckham. But Posh Spice also made the Best Dressed List. Fashion schizophrenia! Let's face it, these chicks shouldn't be on the lists - their stylists should. With the exception of Britney, because she's obviously dressing herself.
Scarlett Johansson's album is almost here! The cover looks like her promo shots, except she is framed by a tree trunk. Interesting.
The Tom Waits cover album is due out May 20, and will also contain one original song. David Bowie helped out in the studio, and also sang back-up on a couple tracks. David Sitek of Tv on the Radio produced the work, and took the promo and album photos himself.
For some reason, Scar-Jo looks like she's playing dead here. Is she napping maybe? In a tree? Not a good idea.
Duck! Here's a clip from Scarlett Johansson's movie A Good Woman. Stand back, because those things are loose and dangerous. I wonder if she even stopped to inquire as to whether getting on all fours and moving briskly might cause her bodacious tatas to swing free from their loose covering.
She could be one of those Method actresses who's like "no, I'm in the moment. This character wouldn't care about her titters flying to the window, to the wall. I must stay in the moment!"
Anyway, here's a treat for you lesbian readers, and the three straight dudes who read this site. Scarjo's nipple! After the jump! Suddenly, we're Mr. Skin! Fun!
Let's face it. We'd much rather admire her chest than hear her sing or watch her direct.
Look, it's promo shots from Scarlett Johansson's first album! The album's called Anywhere I Lay My Head, and it's covers of Tom Waits songs. Oh, that'll work. I feel like Tim Gunn when I say I think there's a lot of look here.
My favorite is when she's terrified in the desert, and biting her nails. Are radioactive mutant cannibals after her? The other shot of her in the desert where you can see the photographer's shadow was a close second. Was that before she was terrified? This looks like a low rent vanity project. She's posing in front of a fireplace for god's sakes. And it's not even lit. Spend the extra for a Duraflame for some mood lighting.
Scarjo's album is sure to debut at the top of the charts later this year. Seriously, Kanye West will be having temper tantrums about her when she blows up the charts. Try as she might, she will never top Milla Jovovich's "The Man Who Fell". Milla needs to stop fighting zombies in cheesy video game movies and drop another album.
